Morbid Thoughts


Rather you know it or not most often times our cousins start out as our best friends. They are the first kids we meet, and we are playmates, Now of course as we grow older and start school we meet other children. But the fact is your cousins are your first friends.

my mom and her sister was the only two girls in a family of 5. Even though they fussed and argued often, they always seemed to end up living in close proximity of each other.

About 4 years ago one of my cousins passed away. She was only 2 years older than me. I was so angry because she was so young, Her 2 daughters arranged her funeral and for some reason it was on a weekday. I had to go to work that day and THAT was going to be my excuse to not go to her services. I ended up going, and it was strange. I didn’t know most of the people there, excluding the family that managed to make it to her services.

I walked in to the funeral home feeling pure anger, I was short with my mom and brother as we went together in one car. But when I walked onto the funeral home I seen all the people and yet I seen no one. I had to go and give my condolences to her daughters and I KNEW I was going to lose it.

And let me tell you I UGLY cry and cannot speak when I’m crying. That’s why I hate crying. Most times I can hide my emotions. But when it’s a death, I become inconsolable. That stems from when I suddenly lost my real dad when I was almost 4yrs old.

But before I went to give my condolences I remember thinking {where’s Tina?}

You see my cousin Tina was like a hostess, when ever there was an event of any sort or a gathering of friends and family, she always made it a point to make her rounds and say hello to everybody. Weird, because she used to get on my nerves doing that. But truth be told I may have in fact been a little jealous. She had this outgoing personality, she had this ability to inject herself into a circle of people and have a conversation with them.

I on the other hand didn’t want to be a burden, so I was more of a wallflower.

I have been thinking about her a lot here recently. I think her death could have been prevented, or at the very least prolonged as we are all going to die. But I say that because she didn’t have insurance. So there was no way for her to pay for services rendered.

Now I usually stay away from hot topics, and just blog about nothing just to get out there and try to promote my online store. But in the back of my mind I can’t help but think that the hospital did the very least, nothing more than what they are obligated to do to help my cousin. BECAUSE she didn’t have insurance. She lost her job because of her long stay in  the hospital. She had a heart attack, and from there she died a slow and painful death. I think that if she had insurance the hospital would have done more. I say this because of an experience I had with that same hospital. Let me explain.

So I have battled with gall stones for a while. At one point I was in a lot of pain and actually went to the hospital knowing full well they might do surgery. At that point I had never had any form of surgery and I wanted to keep it that way, but at the same time I wanted to have that pain gone. So I drive myself to the hospital, I flashed my Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance card and they was tripping over there feet trying to get me a room and service me.                                                       BUT


Because they couldn’t verify my insurance, everything stopped.

They quit coming into my room checking on me, they quit trying to comfort me as far as if I needed any pillows or blankets

Now let me explain about my insurance I had. So at that time I was working 2 jobs. on my full time job I couldn’t afford the insurance plan they offered, but at the second job that was part time it was only like $2.00 a week. BUT you had to have at the very least 20 hours worked in order for the insurance to be in effect. I was missing 30 minutes. so my insurance was not in effect for that time frame.

Now during the course of them tying to verify my insurance they was talking surgery. They was telling me the plan as far as what to expect and how long I would out of work, and after care on said surgery.

Hours pass and noting from the staff. Then a nurse come in with an explanation of not being able to verify my insurance so they are releasing me with some prescriptions to help me with my issue. so basically they turned me away. Now I know that have gall stones are not necessarily a life threatening illness, however when they thought I had insurance they treated me one way, but because I was missing 30 minutes in order to be covered I was dismissed. Then some time later I was going to have the surgery, I was setting up the day and getting pre surgery instructions. After that conversation ended I get a phone call from billing. She proceeded to explain to me that I needed to give $1000.00 down payment before the surgery can be scheduled. Needless to say I did not have the surgery to this day.

That is why I say the let my cousin die due to lack of insurance, I feel as if they only kept her comfortable as she died.

so that’s the morbid thought. But the thing is  health care here in United States is astronomically high. My question is WHY? Why is it that here in the U.S health care is so expensive that you have people going abroad for the same procedure that here in U.S is outrageously high but abroad is less expensive?

But in going abroad unless you have friends and or family you know have to set up lodging, for the duration. Now you need food for those days not to mention travel. But I digress.

As I have said I try to stay away from hot topics and I am not trying to get political here…..BUT…When Donald J Trump was president, he did take on big pharma and got medications reduced so that we are paying a fair price for medications, I think IF he had gotten a second term there would have been a lot more done as far as health care and taxes and jobs. But as I said I am not trying to bring politics into this it’s just my opinion.

So I hope this blog makes sense. I wanted to get this out of my system to try and stop some of these racing thoughts running through my mind. Maybe begin to focus on current tasks at hand. thanks for reading feel free to comment