I have already been fighting rather or not to post this. The title alone gives me anxiety. Because of the thought of being seen. I will push myself to do this blog.
To start with, you absolutely cannot have a mature open “safe” conversation with a narcissist. They hear EVERY word you say, but they never really listen to what you’re trying to convey. Let me give an example. Very early in our merging to all live together, my brother (one of the golden children) had a pretty heavy drinking problem. But before I go on, let me give kudos to him because he has settled down from the drinking and that deserves to be recognized. BUT we was living in apartments; those, like most apartments have rules about loud music and so on. Well I for one don’t like problems. But my brother when he’s drinking, like many others throw caution to the wind. So at one point when my brother slept off the nights liquor I asked him to please stop with the loud music because we will get evicted. His response was he could go live in his truck. So I asked what about mom, aaaaand she just had to interject, by saying ” I’m sorry I’m such a burden to you”
Of course that’s not at all what I was saying, but now the conversation has turned to being about mom, rather than the issue of my brothers drinking. (Gaslighting) Because NO ONE says ANYTHING to her golden child. So she redirects the conversation. And makes it about her.
There are a lot of moving parts when dealing with a narcissist person, but it gets pretty confusing with a parent who has narcissistic tendencies. Because with many of the articles I have came across the narcissistic person would never admit that THEY might be the problem.
There are times when I feel like I have to give in depth detail explaining something, because ( hindsight) I was purposely missunderstood. I realize that I tend to do that in my blogs. I get told that I don’t make any sense. I have been told I’m too sensitive. As long as I can be the butt of the “jokes” it’s all gravy.
There are several types of narcissistic people. So first of all some of the common traits of a narcissistic personality, is a person feels more important than others. They have an unreasonable sense of entitlement.
Overt Narcissist. An overt narcissist is proud of their ability to manipulate and control others.
Covert Narcissist. Covert narcissist are not as open or direct about their means of manipulation. They tend to use methods like, passive-aggressive, or guilt-tripping, or emotional manipulation. For example, a cocert narcissist may manipulate, by putting them down, and deprive them of their emotional needs.
Classic Narcissist. A classic narcissist thrive off of praise and administration of others. They crave being and value being the center of attention.
Vulnerable narcissist. Vulnerable narcissist seek attention by seeking pity from others. They will often guilt-trip the people in their lives to bend to what they want. Their ability to manipulate the thoughts, feelings and actions of others is an ego trip for them. Their behavior tends to be subtle, so it can be difficult to spot the signs. Vulnerable narcissists are considered to be covert narcissist. Their symptoms lie in their subtle manipulative behavior. Their sense of self-worth relies heavily on the attention they get from others. These are just a few of the many types of narcissistic people.
I of course am still learning about narcissism, and the many different types. Still learning and healing from a combination of these types of behavior.
To be honest, once you realize it was never YOU, and you now know what kind of a person you’re dealing with; you seriously need to take a step back, be objective, and decide your self worth, and make a decision rather or not YOU are ok with the way things are happening in that relationship. Because it’s easier to heal from narcissistic abuse IF your not exposed to it constantly. And yes it’s easier to do when it’s a romantic involvement than it is with a parental involvement. Believe you me, I ended up in a 15 year relationship with a narcissistic person. It took me a long time JUST to get the courage to leave, let alone cut all contact.
So I have said enough for now about toxic relationships. You all have a nice day.