I don’t know if this falls into “empty nest” syndrome, but I do know it worries me. Then I wonder, am I over sensitive to the situation?
So I’ve expressed how my son is my world. He and I have been through so much together. BUT he has a girlfriend now. They’ve been together almost 2 years. I’m happy he has a girlfriend and is planning a future with someone. Because he is an only child, when I die, he won’t have any brothers or sisters to help each other work through their grief. He has told me severl times, he don’t know what he’ll do when I die. I told him “then I have a lot of work to do” I’ve always felt that as a parent we should raise our children to be self sufficient. They should be able to live their life once we pass. That also means emotionally. Death is a part of life, and it needs to be talked about, so that it’s understood and this child will be emotionally ready. Aaaaaannnnd there I go again getting off track.
So on to my topic. My son works hard, he works 6 days a week on second shift. Being as he only has ONE day a week off that one day is usually when he spends it with his girlfriend. I fully understand. HOWEVER There’s a few things I’ve noticed about this young lady. Again maybe it’s just me and I’m over sensitive or (PTSD) because I can see it and my son is blind to it. But I feel like she’s a bit manipulative. So let me give you the break down.
The very first time was only a couple months into their relationship. It was Christmas holidays. Now we don’t celebrate like most people do on the Christmas holiday, but we will make a big dinner and make it a point to have dinner together. However, this young lady managed to create an “emergency” and called my son asking him if he could drive her Aunt, to take some food to her Uncle because he’s in the hospital. ( her Aunt don’t know how to drive freeway) In my opinion, that was a “test” run. JUST to see his response. Now through out the course of the year, he would struggle with trying to spend time with me, and with his girlfriend. He has told me there are times he just wants to spend a Sunday with me, but she makes him feel guilty by saying she had planned….. Now any time there was a holiday where the company was closed, he would be with his girlfriend. Mind you I am absolutely fine with that. Now let me give you another example………..
His birthday that just past in May. His birthday was on a Sunday and he took that following week off. He planned to spend his birthday with me. Yet she got up set saying she had plans and now you want to be with your mom. Well if you read my Rainy Day blog serries you will know he ended up spending his birthday with his girlfriend. So ok he spent that day with his girlfriend, I honestly thought he would have spent Mother’s Day with me. But he ended up spending it with his girlfriend. Yes I have spoken on how we don’t celebrate secular holidays, and I have spoke on how we don’t need a mother’s day to express love. So that’s three times thus far, that she has managed to alter my sons plans. Now this weekend coming up up the 4th of July. We made these plans to grill Saturday. He talked about doing this for about 2 weeks. But it was pending on what his work schedule was going to be. Turns out he has Saturday, Sunday, and Mo day off. I was excited for him and the fact that we was actually going to soend some good quality time together. BUT………….. Earlier in the week she called my son and told him her car is making a wierd rattling noise. So he tells her take tomorrow off, and take it to a full service shop and let them make an assessment on it. So she took Wednesday off to have her car looked at, one place told her it was the serpentine tension, she had that fixed, and the next thing you know it’s still making the noise. Clearly that wasn’t the problem. Long story short, it’s something with her air conditioner. Or at least that’s the spill now. AAAAANNNDDD she wants to get it fixed immediately. Soooooo she managed to interrupt plans that my son and I had planned for this long weekend.
So last night my son and I was talking about this situation. I expressed my thoughts and concerns about it. He got short with me. I told him it’s just my opinion I could just be over sensitive. I told him what ever you decide to do I’m ok with it. I explained to him that I understand and respect that he has his own life and future to live. Then he had a call to fix a machine on his job, so we ended the conversation. But at 9:45 .p.m he calls me on his way home from work to apologize to me for getting short with me. I of course tild him there’s no need for apologies, it’s all good. You just do what you feel us needed.
Now my thing is there was a whole conversation between my son and his girlfriend that he told me about AFTER I had expressed my concerns. But in short she was trying to make him feel guilty because he wasn’t helping her. But he was he was giving her suggestions on where to take her car. But for the fact she works early in the morning, and he works second shift, unless he takes off thats about all he can do.
It’s the mind games for me. I feel like she’s playing these little games to test him. I know for a fact some women like to play games as well. It’s almost as if they are testing their powers. So to say. I know this makes me sound like a jealous mom, but I honestly want him to have a life and be in a healthy happy relationship. My concern is, he is a very easy going person. And if he cares about you, he will ve blinded by the games. I have marked on my calendar, dates and reasons. Then when the time is right I will show him the pattern. Maybe he can have a talk with her and have an understanding. Because my question is, who came to her aid before my son? One thing I know for sure, this young lady has a lot of growing up to do. Ok I’m done
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