Randem Thoughts


Blank slate. Have no thoughts, or too many thoughts and can’t put them into a blog. I have soooo many random thoughts and ideas, I don’t know where to start. I’m having anxiety about a number of things, with no solution. I find that when things go unanswered I start having anxiety. When things are out of my control. When nothing makes sense anymore and you can’t make it make sense. When you read and see and hear so many lies. Or when people believe the lies they are told.

Yep none of what I just wrote makes sense. WELCOME TO MY WORLD. I really wished I had a job. Then I would have a sense of direction. You know go to bed at a decent hour so you can wake up early go to your job. Meet their expectations. Clock out go home and count the days till your day off to do nothing, or catch up on things you let go until your day off. As it stands I have all the time in the world to do stuff, yet no source of income. But you need a job to have an income, now you’re limited on time. Winning the lottery would be great. But you have to play that, and your chances of winning are like 1 in 24335554355545543345656788. Soooo it makes sense to just get a job. 😂 But at my age, my non skilled self AND the fact that I’ve been out of work almost 2 years makes even that task difficult.

I remember years ago… I went to a school to become a CNA. I just wanted to get my foot in the door and work my way up into a field. I had always loved learning about medicine, therapy, and anything in the medical field. I knew my chanes of becoming a doctor was NEVER going to happen. But I did enjoy helping people. When I started classes we had about 2 dozen students. But by the time we was to take our state exams, there was only 3 and THE DAY of the exam only one other person showed up for the exams. Now the other young girl who showed up didn’t have a clue how to take vitals. The teacher literally held her hand all through class. So on the exam we had to do 5 seperate tasks. Two of the 5 was washing your hands, and taking vitals. The other 3 tasks was pulled from a hat. Just little things you do while working in a nursing home. Like groom a patient, or dress a patient, or bathe a patient. So in order to start the test, and since there was only 2 of us testing the instructor wrote a number between 1 and 100 on a pice of paper. Who ever guessed it or got closest went first. The other girl went first. Sadly she failed from the moment she washed her hands. But the instructor had to allow her to complete the test. That being said, for most people when you wash your hands we generally turn the water on soap up rinse and turn the water off,,,,but once you clean your hand you cannot touch the faucet. You leave the water on, dry your hands and use the paper towel to turn the water off. She didn’t do that. Therefore it was a fail because her hands are now contaminated because she touched the faucet WITH her hands. But moving forward with the exam she was to take my vitals. My temperature, my bloid pressure, and my pulse rate which is basically my heart rate. When she went to take my pulse rate she went too far over on my wrist and was pressing on the end of my wrist where the pinky finger is. There’s no pulse there, it’s on the side where the thumb is. But she came up with a number. 😶 Then it was my turn. Also when you’re testing, you can’t ask questions, nor actually speak to the instructor. Kind of like a driving test. So I did my 5 tasks, as I was on my last task which was to remove, and or replace a residence dentures. The resident had her dentures in. So I had to explain to her what was going on. She was able to remove them on her own, so I was tasked with cleaning them and replacing them. As I went to clean them the instructor asked me what temperature should the water be as I clean them. I respond with room temp to slightly warm. She smiled and said correct. Now as I’m cleaning them she starts having a full blown conversation with me about some she seen on the news the night before. I at first didn’t know what to say. One because I don’t watch the news. And secondly WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK during the exam. But I said no I didn’t see that on the news lastnight. I was too nervous about today.

Now the exam us over. The other girl and I are sitting in the waiting room for our teacher and the instructor to come out. They come out and the instructor gave a small speech. She said it is clear who studied and who did not study. I did pass the exam. However because of no experience it was difficult to get a full time position. Also to my disappointment I found out it was going to be minimum wage. Now of course I didn’t expect to make twenty bucks an hr to start, but I didn’t expect to pay hundreds if dollars for a skill to only make minimum wage either. I also needed full time work.

I did however have a chance to start working in the field, but it was only part time; then at the same time I was offered a job as a cashier making the same as the part time CNA. I was offered $6.25 an hour as a part time CNA or I could work full time for the same pay as a cashier for a parking facility. Of course I took the full time job. Maybe the medical field was not God’s will. I sure wish I knew what God’s will is.

Well there’s my blog read it if you want. At this point I have no clue what I’m doing. Just existing at the moment. Oh yeah and here’s my links