Soooo tomorrow I start my new job. Been out of work since November 2019. A week before Thanksgiving.
Now Thanksgiving is MY holiday. Everything else is too commercialize these days. Thanksgiving is about cooking and eating and being thankful for our family, our health and just enjoying the company you have.
So evey since I started working, I ALWAYS worked on Thanksgiving. One year I had already been at Netflix 6 years, I decided to put the week of Thanksgiving for my week of vacation. AND it was approved! Now I put that time in from January. I was so excited all year for THAT week. I literally planned that whole week for cooking.
I bought molds to make a chocolate cornucopia to be filled with candies and cookies. I bought special dinner ware JUST for that day. I had it all planned out.
The menu consisted of turkey, stuffing, gravy, roast, potatoes, carrots. Corn on the cob, fresh green beans, candied yams. Sweet Tea. Desserts was pumkin pie, chocolate pie, sweet potato pie, and vanilla pie. The pie crusts was of course homemade. I had mom and dad decorating the cookies. Basically to keep them out of my hair. I had bought a beautiful tablecloth, and place mats. I even put fake fall leaves over the table. We rarely have a cold Thanksgiving here in this part of Texas.
Now even though mom and dad had been divorced for a few years, he still hung out with us all the time. He of course had a invitation to go to his youngest daughter’s house, but he always came to mine. He said he felt more comfortable and welcomed at my house. That made me feel a sense of pride. I always want people to feel comfortable and welcomed in my house. My door is always open. So that year we had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We all was stuffed.
Besides the food my dad said his favorite part was the leaves because it reminded him of back home in Missouri.
Sadly by March the following year my dad passed away. He had a heart attack and was found in the parking lot where he had made his last delivery for his job.
That was the worst news I ever received. My dad had tripple bypass about 4 years priar. When he had his surgery he signed a DNR paper. When the paramedics got to him they revived him, but he was in a coma. Basically he was with no brain activity. My sister was responsible to make the call to pull the plug. We know that’s what he would have wanted. He was always a hard working man. He never wanted to depend on his children.
I hated that he was called home. But I feel good about our last Thanksgiving we had together. It took me a while, but I was finally able to have a Thanksgiving dinner in honor and memory of my dad. So this year I hope to do the same. Yes I will be setting a plate for him.
So planning Thanksgiving now. Will keep you posted on first day on the job and how the plans for Thanksgiving dinner is going
Ok until I find what will keep people coming back, let me see if I can start a conversation. I have stated many times I am new to blogging, and I’m stepping out of my comfort zone. I am used to having a job. I’m used to having a stable income. However as it stands I am currently unemployed. But I’ve heard it said many times “find something that you love doing and it won’t seem like you’re working.” I love crafting. I also love baking. I have looked into some laws and regulations on Texas cottage laws. I have posted some of my crafting as well.
But what I would like to ask is…. What are some baked goods my Texas people would be interested in? Long as it’s not temperature sensitive. I say Texas, because cottage laws only allows home baked items to be shipped within the same state. So please interact with this post. As well as let me know what type of gift item you might be interested in.
So I managed to get out of the house and walk. I only walked a half mile, but I will do more tomorrow because I’ll have my head phones and will have music.
I had a Nature Vally bar for breakfast, I drank 3 bottles of water throughout the day. Which is good for me as I don’t usually drink water.
I had rice cake chips for lunch. And my steak and salad. But today I’m going to change it up a bit. I’m goig to have grilled or baked chicken with sweet tater fries (air fried) and a salad.
To be honest, my weight loss battles could be more aptly described as half-hearted tussles. Occasionally, I have managed to lose some weight, only to find it has snuck up on me again while I wasn’t looking! But I also haven’t lost my sense of humour, which is a good thing.
That’s day 3 in a nutshell I’ll begin my day now. Yall bbe safe
So yesterday was a trying day. I did not workout, but I managed to fast the entire day until dinner. I think I enjoyed the salad better than I did the steak.
Soon as I finish this quick blog I will be taking a walk. To be honest the reason I didn’t do any form of exercise is because I felt tired, due to not eating, combined with depression. So I just stayed in bed.
I’m pretty sure I’ve had this depression crap for years, but since I’m not working now and I have time on my hands I tend to remind myself of all my failures. When I was working I didn’t have time to think, I just kept pushing forward. Go to work, get home do what needs to be done around the house. Cook clean wash clothes raise my son. You know life in general.
So now I’m trying to take this “free” time and make it “time” for me. But that number 74 is a pretty big number. With that weight loss goal, I have a question. How often should I weigh myself? OR should I look for different signs? Like my clothes fitting better or loosely? What are some good healthy snack items? I did buy some rice cakes I heard those are a good snack item, they have flavored ones now. But I don’t want to live on salad’s everyday as a meal. I will be looking into other healthy foods. I plan to try sweet potato french fries cooked in an air fryer, and zucchini fries as well. But let me be honest here vegetables are NOT my favorites
Ok short and sweet. But I look forward to any and all suggestions
I will still put my plug in for my failed ecommerce but just keep in mind I can make any color you want on those wreaths. I can make a personal photo on the coffee mugs. And the same with the aprons. Just contact me for any questions. Thanks have a great day.
Even though I know the cake looked like crap, he loved it. And was surprised. He had no clue I was making a cake for him. But boy was I anxious about a lot.
To start with I wanted to surprise him and Murphy’s law kept peeking in on us. You know with the whole car fiasco and basically riuning the day.
Then when he went out with his girlfriend the night was cut short for some reason. So I had to hide all the evidence.
Another reason my anxiety was high is when there’s something I need or want to do, I jump in and do it. I don’t procrastinate. That is a huge pet peve I have.
When I first got laid off in November of 2019 I still would wake up early have my 2 cups of coffee and start doing things around the house that had BEEN needing to be done. Shoot I even painted the living room, dining room and kitchen. Mom had been wanting that done for some time. Then I got caught up on things and was trying to fill my day with things to do.
But I soon discovered something about myself. I never realized I had it until I suddenly had all this “free time” on my hands.
I mentioned in the beginning of this blog how I was anxious.
Anxious: experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
Most people are usually anxious about things from time to time. It’s actually normal. In fact my sister and I had a conversation about anxiety. (side note my sister is 10 years younger than me) So we was talking about anxiety. I was explaining that I have never personally experienced an anxiety attack. So I wouldn’t know one if I did. I have however talked mom through plenty of anxiety attacks. So my sister had told me about an experience she had with anxiety. Her oldest daughter had just moved out, and my sister said she woke up in the middle of the night unable to breath and her heart was beating fast. This is how I’ve heard many people explain their experiences with anxiety.
Now with mom when she first started having those attacks we had no clue what was going on. I remember rushing to the hospital thinking she was having a heart attack. But thank goodness she did not. But we followed up with countless doctors and they found absolutely nothing wrong with her. Which is a good thing. But we couldn’t figure out what was going on with her. Then finally a doctor told us it was anxiety. So I’ve talked mom down on many occasions when she would have these anxiety attacks. Yet to this day I don’t know what THAT type of anxiety attack feels like.
So in this current lay off, I’m trying to think of a job I can do where there’s not so much hard manual labor. I’m getting too old for all this heavy lifting and such. I tried to go back to school, but covid had other plans and decided to shut the country down. Great
So I start racing in my mind what can I do? As far as work. Ironically I have always worked. But I have no real skills, or a certificate that says I know how to do something. As I mentioned I’m getting too old for this hard manual labor, and nobody can live on minimum wage unless they work 2 jobs.
So the idea of making gift baskets comes to mind. I thought not a bad idea. People buy gift baskets all the time for so many different occasions. Then I start seeing these advertisements for ecommerce. I start looking into that. What exactly it is, how does it work, and what do I need to do. I start thinking maybe I should offer more than just gift baskets. A lot of ideas came to mind. Like making candles, bath bombs, coffee mugs, and other crafty things. I’m also thinking at the same time I can occupy mom’s time and give her something to do.
So I come up with a business plan with a list of ideas to put in this “ecommerce” store. I even get a resellers certificate. I find an ecommerce hosting site and get that set up. (So to say) STILL figuring that out. However I’m trying to keep mom occupied while I work on some of my projects for this site.
Now I’m 6 months into this journey and so far not a hit. I’m ok with that right now. But I digress from what I intend to blog about (typical) as I said I discovered something about me and anxiety. I feel like I have what’s called HIGH FUNCTIONING ANXIETY.
I endure long periods of hard work, then experience burnout, then I procrastinate. I overthink that I am not doing “enough” or I fear failure. Poor sleep—I don’t sleep enough hours, I wake up and cannot seem to get back to sleep, or I have trouble falling asleep. Racing thoughts that make it difficult to relax.
The thing is, I worked at a job for 10 years. I could have ran the company. I don’t mean that LITERALLY, what I mean by that is I knew what needed to be done, when it needed to be done, and I knew how to run every machine in that company. In fact my boss would come to me asking about something. Then the company decided consolidate and move operations to Dallas. They had already shut a couple other hubs that was in Texas. We was hoping to keep the Houston hub, but the company decided to keep the Dallas hub and shut down the Houston hub.(just my luck)
So naturally anxiety creeps up, but who wouldn’t be worried you’re fixing to be out of a job. However I was lucky enough to land a job 6 weeks later. Oh but now it’s a whole new ball game. A whole new job to learn the ins and outs. Learn who, what, when, where, and why.
Let me tell you this job KICKED my behind. So it was a job in the energy industry. I had never in my life done industrial work. When I went through the 3 day orientation I was literally scared to death. Because of the emphasis they put on safety alone. I was hired by a staffing agency. She saw my resume and was very impressed with my longevity on my jobs. I was actually hired to clean valves. Once I got there on the job I found out they was valves that are used for fracking. One valve weighs about 5lbs no big deal right? BUT when you have 200 valves on a pushcart that turns into 1000lbs PLUS the weight of the cart. And we had to bake them once they was pressed. Of course the industrial ovens was not in the same area they are pressed in. So you have to push the cart all the way to the other end of the shop. Pushing that cart of valves is almost equivalent to pushing a car. But I did it because it was expected of me to do so. The truth is that was serious hard work. I came home beyond exhausted. I had a supervisor who was difficult to work with. I may one day blog about my experience with that job and supervisor. Just not today. But as I said I would come home exhausted. I would get home and have to cook dinner and clean up. BUT it had to meet moms expectations. Mom would watch over me as I cleaned the kitchen, and she would ask ” what are you going to do with this, or that, or she would say aren’t you going to wipe down the stove?” Just little nagging things that I am of course going to handle, but I think it was her way of “bossing” me around. I have always been her target. So my mind is on constant defense when interacting with her as I have to be careful NOT to set her off.
Now I realize all this time in dealing with interactions with mom is a form of anxiety. But I try to contain the anxiety and not let on that I’m in a slight panic mode. I admit mom and I used to argue like bitter enemies. I of course as her daughter knew I was limited on what I could say to her, as I had to remain “repectful” to her. She has many common phrases, but the two she uses most are Honor your mother, and I am your mother. But she could say anything she wanted, because I have to honor my mother. I have lived in constant criticism from mom that I unknowingly built a defense wall constructed with anxiety. But the type that makes you find away to survive, not the typical hyperventilating and tend to freeze. No, I have the one where my mind says find a quick answer or solution to make it right for now. Keep pushing forward. Never let them know you’re lost for what to say or do.
Now I’ve rambled on so much I’ve forgotten where I was going with this blog.
I can say this, this whole anxiety thing is exhausting. I feel like I’m running out of solutions. I can’t find the right direction to keep things moving. I don’t even have a job, and I am absolutely exhausted.
I have spent so much time and money on this “business” and have no clue what I need to do other than just get a job. Yet that brings anxiety. I don’t like the idea of mom being home alone. She is getting to tge point of needing assistance in some of her day to day tasks. But at the same time I’m not used to not having my own source of income.
So this is my experience with a form of anxiety. I don’t know which is worse, or more exhausting. The freeze and panic or the fight and solve it. The anxiety when you go into a freeze and panic mode WILL end. Although it may seem like it took hours but it usually lasts about 5 to 20 minutes. Believe me I know that seems like forever when you’re in the middle of said panic. I also understand with the freeze panic there’s no warning. It just comes from out of nowhere.
Then the second one feels like it never ends because it seems to be one event after the other especially when you’re around other people. You HAVE to keep this game face on, because if they see you’re out of sorts, thats when they start punching. Bombarding you with questions UNNECESSARY questions. But, with said questions it’s nothing more than information they will file away for future reference. That alone is mentally exhausting.
Which now brings me back to a thought on another blog I did on introverts. Could this be a contributing factor in a person having introvet tendencies?
For example. For one moment, they realize how peaceful it feels to be in YOUR own thoughts. Not having to answer to anybody as to WHY you chose to wear a blue T-shirt instead of the grey one. You don’t have to worry some one may get upset because you asked them to repeat what they said because you genuinely did not hear what they said. And best of all there is NO ONE to drain your energy. Now I do enjoy good conversation. I love hearing people’s opinions, thoughts and ideas. It’s what makes conversation interesting.
So this blog has taken me all day to write. I think I’ve rambled on enough for now. Have a nice evening.
This is possibly the last installment of rainy day. The cake saga is completed.
So let me just say it’s been quite a few years since I last made a “novelty” cake. Probably at least 6 or 7 years. I’m not happy with it, I know I could have done better. So lets start with the excueses. First off I am no Cake Boss. I have had ZERO cake decorating classes.
Secondly my kitchen is so flipping small. There are literally only 2 counters one at the back wall and the other is where the sink is and each counter is probably 3 to 3 and a half feet. So there’s very little to no counter space. And C so many interruption. Fourth I had eyes looking, watching and judgemental questioning. So theres the excuses.
But I know this… My son will love the fact that I made some little roses. I used to have tons of cake decorating supplies, but they’re all packed away and in storage. But I did what I could with what I had, AND in a tiny kitchen to boot. So with out further ado here’s the infamous cake that I scratched together for my sons birthday that he spent with his girlfriend .
Well I woke up late. I had a great plan laid out yesterday for today. BUUUUT as we all know often times plans don’t go in the direction we planned. Typical. So yesterday was a flop because….we was to take my sons car and get it serviced. We was just going to drop it off and come back to the house and wait. Then, he was going to go spend the day with his girlfriend. Well the service on the car was SUPPOSED to be an 1 to 1 1/2hours. So while we was waiting he was looking at trading his car for same model, but the sport model. He found one and wanted to go look at it. BUT the thing is it’s on the south side of town. I don’t like the southside AT ALL. He asked if I wanted to go with and I said sure. Now I’m in panic mode. For one we are going to get on the freeway. I really dislike freeway driving. But if you’re going to get anywhere in Houston you drive freeway. I mean you could take another route but to get from where we are to the car lot that would have taken an hour or more. So it would have been the freeway so that’s panic #1 THEN going to southside alone is a panic because I don’t know that side of town very well. Not to mention there are some unsavory folks overthere. There are bad areas all over, I just feel better if I’m in an area of town where I know the streets and where they lead to. However, they took longer than expected and we ended up not going. Boy when I tell you I was so very thankful for that. So getting the car serviced took up the whole day. But I planned to start his cake as soon as he went to visit his girlfriend. I thought I would have had at least 8 hours with him gone. But he didn’t leave until 6 pm But the moment he left I started getting the stuff I bought and whip up the cakes and the homemade fondant and make the modeling chocolate and have everything done so that today all I needed to do was stack and carve the cakes and decorate it. I was able to get the cakes baked, made the findant and I had already cut the cakes to the shape I wanted, and I had JUST made the buttercream frosting when…..I get a text from him saying he headed back . So now I have to figure out where in the heck I’m going to hide this stuff. I quickly crumb coat the cakes and cover them. Then I hide all the other items. Thankfully he still has no clue that I’m making this cake for his birthday. Hopefully he will leave earlier today to go see his girlfriend and I can finish his cakes. So that’s the blog for today. I will post pictures IF the cake turns out have a blessed Sunday
Yesterday I blogged about my sons birthday. I was just killing time while waiting for the rain to stop. I had touched on reasons why he didn’t care to celebrate his birthday.
So weeks befor his birthday he was planning to take a vacation. He wasn’t planning any kind of travel. For some people vacation is JUST knowing you don’t HAVE to wake up at a certain time and be some where on time and be productive. Just knowing you don’t have to do ANYTHING is a vacation. However his birthday is Sunday and he DID plan to spend that day here at home. But his girlfriend had other plans. She talked him into spending that day with her. My son is a softy to an extent. So he called me Thursday night and explained to me the change of plans. I could tell he felt a bad because I think he felt like he was letting me down. In truth he was. But let me explain something. From the age of probably 5yrs old every Christmas and summer holidays he went to Mexico to visit his dads side of the family. I got all kinds of negative responses from my family members. In short they thought I was crazy and that at one point his dad will not bring him back. Well first of all I could understand their fears, however even though his dad and I had our “relationship” issues I knew in my heart of hearts he would never take and leave my son in Mexico. The biggest reason is, his dad is a mama’s boy to the core. I, in fact had a double whammy so to say. He was a mama’s boy AND the last child for 5 years. Then his parents had 3 more children. So when I gave birth to our son, dad went to Mexico 2 weeks later. When he came back he told me his mom asked about me and the baby. He said he told his mom he wanted to take the baby from me. He then told me his mom got so angry and told him you NEVER take a womans baby from her. ( the thing is, at this point I hadn’t met his parents) His mom knew nothing about me, but was quick to jump on her son. Now I did eventually meet his mom. She was the sweetest lady one could have the pleasure of knowing. But still every summer and Christmas he went to Mexico, when in truth I wanted him here. So basically I’m used to being let down. But to see him excited about going out weighed my disappointment. Yes I was sad and disappointed, but to see your child excited and happy about something is a way better feeling.
So yes his girlfriend convincing him to spend the day with him IS a disappointment, but he also has to have a life.
He told me that he explained to his girlfriend how he don’t care to make a big deal over his birthday. And yes just as I wrote in pt 1 it does stem from the loss of Granny. Also as I mentioned in pt1 we had her services on his birthday.
So for me being disappointed is normal. However I do plan to make him a cake. I’m going to attempt at making a cake carved into a gran piano. So it works with him being gone with his girlfriend. My hope is to surprise him with this cake. He really enjoys when a person takes time and hand makes something. He appreciate the time and thought that goes into the project. Plus the fact that I make my own fondant that taste better than the store bought fondant. As I said before I used to do a lit of cake making, then something happened and I lost my love of creation. So wish me luck on this little adventure of creating a grand piano cake.
Good morning everyone. I had some things to do today. But I woke up to a thunderstorm I needed to get to the store and get things I needed for my sons birthday. Ugh he turns 30! This Sunday. And today he starts his vacation. YAY! Which means he will be spending this whole week with me! YAY! So we had made plans so to say for his birthday. Now he is not one to celebrate his birthday. In fact we really don’t “celebrate” most holidays EXCEPT Thanksgiving. That’s the one holiday we both love. The others ehh. I mean sure we acknowledge they do exist. But now his birthday is just another day to him. If I had to analyze why, I could link it to the passing of my granny and his great granny, as well as his mama Pita on his dads side of the family. Sadly my son lost 2 grandmothers days apart. His mama Pita passed April 28, and his great grandma passed away 2 days later. He wasn’t able to see his mama Pita because she lived in Mexico, and sadly was unable to say goodbye. Then his great grandma passed away and my uncles who took care of her funeral services held her service ON his birthday. It was not their intentions. It just happened that way.
Then to make matters worse. I was at work when she passed. I had to catch a bus home because I didn’t have a car at the time. My Aunt volunteered at tge school my son attended at tge time, because her grand kids went to school there. My Aunt told my son about granny. Which she shouldn’t have. She should have let me talk ti him. A lot of people didn’t know, but my son was the only one out of all her great grandchildren that could walk in her house and go straight to her refrigerator and get a snack or whatever was in there he wanted. But tgen again she babysat him while I worked. So there was a bond between them. So long story short I think that’s the reason he don’t care to “celebrate” his birthday.
But he does enjoy a hand made cake. I used to do that for family. I was no professional, but I made some decent cakes.
Ok rain seems to have settled I’m going to get while the gettings good.
Ok this is going to be another rant. I mean I really didn’t have an idea of what I was going to blog about. Sooooo
Last night after dinner, I cleaned the kitchen, except the iron skillet I used. I put it in the sink to wash it, but had gotten distracted. I never went back to it. I had full intentions to get back to it.
However I wake up this morning to WATER sitting in my skillet!
Anybody who has cast iron skillets know they have a very valuable piece of merchandise. These skillets will last for YEARS! You will pass them down to your children, and they will pass them down to their children for generations. I have one of my granny’s skillets that she used when my mom was a child.
I have quite a few in my collection. When treated right and seasoned correctly you can fry an egg in it just as if it is one on those teflon skillets.
Funy quick story. When I was with my ex he washed one of my iron skillets and sat it in the dish drainer. I was at work, but when I came home and seen it in the dish drainer I KNEW it wasn’t treated correctly. So I immediately took it out of the dish drainer, washed it and dried it on the eye of the stove. He seen me and had the audacity to say “I cleaned it there was nothing stuck to it” but I had to explain to him, you don’t just wash the skillet and put it in the dish drainer. You have to dry it on the eye of the stove. Because if you let it dry with out heat from the stove it will rust.
Now to the devastating scene I woke up to this morning. I had a rough night and didn’t sleep well. For whatever reason I just kept waking up. So I finally said ok sleep is evading me I’ll just have coffee. But I heard my brother( a.k.a sasquatch) in the kitchen so I decided to wait until he got out. Because for some God forsaken reason this boy wants to have conversations with you about some movie or T.V show or commercial he saw. I on the other hand need one full cup of coffee in complete silence and solitude before anything. But what do I see when I go into the kitchen? Well I’m glad you asked. There is water IN my iron skillet! SITTING there. Yes I washed it and dried it. But all I wanted to do is go get my cup of coffee and slide right back into my room before I was seen.
As I’ve stated before those who know about iron skillets know what they have. There are steps to take to keep them for a long time. I’ll explain the steps. They are a big responsibility but so worth it. The food tastes better when you use an iron skillet. In fact that’s all I use is iron skillets, or iron dutch oven.
So the steps to take care of your iron ware are as follows. If you buy a new iron skillet and it says pretreated go ahead and treat it again.
1. Wash skillet with soap and water.
2. Dry it on the eye of the stove.
3. Place a tiny bit of oil in the skillet and use a bandana to wipe oil all over the skillet. I recommend the bandana because theres no lint. If you use a paper towel it will shred and you will have bits of the paper in your pan.
4. Bake it in a 450° oven for about an hour. Turn the oven off and let it cool in the oven.
Now that you have seasoned your skillet you can cook what ever you want. Now it will take time to get a good layer of seasoning onto your skilket. But for each time you use you’re adding another layer of seasoning. Just make sure after each use to wash with a little soap and water. Don’t use anything abrasive. There are some people who swear you should NEVER use soap, and that’s ok. They feel it will wash away the layers of seasoning. Let me tell you it don’t.
Now if you’re anything like me I like to go to thrift stores and look for iron skillets. Sadly I don’t find them as often as I’d like. I live in Texas and us Texans know how valuable these things are. But I do find them from time to time. Most often they was poorly taken care of and have caked on crud. To most people it’s a lost cause. Oh but not to me. There are steps you can take to restore that skillet to a new life.
You see the photo above. This is one example of the state I most often find them. Now there are 3 different ways you can restore this beauty.
1. Lye bath
2. Eco tank
3. Easy off(yellow cap)
Now I have never used the first two. With the lye bath there’s a spacific racio for lye to water. And I just learned you have to do it in a spacific order. Then theres the eco tank which involves a storage container water and a car battery. To be honest those two methods seem like a lot of work. Just getting it set up. Soooo with research I found the 3rd option which actually works well. Items you will need are going to be listed below.
1. A strong sturdy trash bag
2. Easy off oven cleaner. Has to have the yellow cap
3. Your cruddy iron skillet.
4. Rubber gloves you don’t want easy off on your skin
1. Spray the cast iron skillet HEAVILY.
2. Place it in the trash bag and tie a knot to seal off any air getting into the bag.
3. Let it set for at least 24 hours.
4. After 24 hours (depending on said crud) get your gloves and wash the skillet with soap and water. At this point you can use an abrasive scrubbing pad and clean off all the easy off. At this point the skillet should have a greyish pewter color. Once it’s all cleaned up you can proceed to do the seasoning steps mentioned previously in this blog.