Tatoos.

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Today I decided to talk about tatoos. I was born in the 70’s, raised in the 80’s, and became a mom in the 90’s. And in those three decades so much has changed.

Growing up, most often people who had tattoos was usually not good people. Notice I said USUALLY. I say that because as a child growing up you never seen working people with tattoos. Not even in a fast food restaurant. My first job was working at McDonald’s. I used to wear these black bands. There was this one manager who made me take them off. So I did, but after my shift, I put them back on and had them on again at work. She told me I wasn’t allowed to wear them when she’s on duty as manager. All the cool kids wore those black bands. So I’m guessing she didn’t like that trend. 😂 But in general back in the day tattoos was considered taboo. Then there was a time when I knew this guy, he was just a friend, he was telling me about a job interview he had to go to. He said he hated looking for work in the summer. I asked him why, and he said because of his tattoos. So me being silly I said do they disappear in the winter? He laughed and said no, but to wear long sleeve shirts to cover my tattoos in the summer sucks because it’s so hot. So I asked why do you cover them? He said because most companies won’t hire you if you have tatoos.

Now a days you see all kinds of profession’s with tattoos. Tattoos on the arm like a sleeve tattoo. Colorful tattoos. People have them on their neck, face, basically any where on their body. It’s almost like IF you don’t have at least one tattoo you’re not “trending”. But I do feel that tattoos are a personal choice, and for each tattoo it should have a meaning, other than ( I like it) I do like tattoos. I have two if them.

I want to get two more, in time I will. The funny thing about one of my tattoos is, my dad was always against tattoos. I didn’t even get my first tattoo until I was 35. I had always wanted a heart with a yellow rose, with a ribbon that has my son’s name in the ribbon. Instead this is what I got.

First tattoo

The photo is a little blurry, but it’s a black hear with a black rose, and two red drops of blood. I have it on my left shoulder blade. The meaning behind that is… When my heart stopped. Not in the literal aspect, but when I made the decision to no longer love. To no longer love and care for the father of my son. The 15 year relationship was unrequited love. Now the other tattoo I have is..

Memorial tattoo

This one is in memory of my dad. Yes he was always against tattoos. This tattoo has a very deep meaning to me. First it’s a dogwood flower. Which of course is from the dogwood tree, which is the state tree in the state of Missouri, where my dad is from. I also had his favorite verse from the bible the KJV Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Now there’s a legend behind the dogwood tree. In short……………………. The tree used to grow big and tall. The woid from the tree was used to build things. However it was the wood used to crucify Jesus. Because that was the wood used, God cursed, and blessed the tree. The tree was cursed to no longer grow big and tall, but to always be small. The blessing is that the flower on the dogwood us a symbol of rebirth. Now if you look closely at the flower you will notice it’s shaped like a cross. On the tips of the petals you will see shades if dark pink that represents the blood from Jesus being crucified.

So you see I’m not against tattoos, I just feel like they should mean something. There are two more I’d like to get. One is of an anchor. In general the anchor can symbolize hope, steadfastness, calm and composure. The other is a lighthouse, they represent the guidance, refuge, and salvation that characterized the life of Christ.

The funny thing about my first tattoo, my dad didn’t know. I was NEVER going to tell him. In fact I made sure to wear clothing that completely covered my back, so that in no way that tattoo could be seen. BUT my niece who was very young at the time blurted it out. So The story is….. My dad loved to take long walks. From time to time he would ask one of us to join him. Most often it was his way if catching up with us grown kids. So that day it was my sister and her oldest daughter. They was wakking and some how the subject of tattoos came up, and my niece blurted out ” Aunt Bea has a tattoo” my dad was in instant denial. But then one day he popped up at my place, I was running to change when he said stop right there. So I stopped. He told me to turn around so I spent around fast, he said turn slowly, needless to say I knew he knew. He didn’t come right out and ask me uf I had a tattoo. I think it was because he didn’t want me to lie about it. Also he needed to see it. He wasn’t mad about it. He actually liked it.

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

Angel Investor

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Start up an E commerce they said. It’s easy they said. It will be a great way to generate income they said. But what they don’t say is how much it cost to do such a thing. I went into this blindly and I am about 8 months in and my vision has not improved. Not my vision for my store, just the ability and know how, and of course the financial vision. I have been blogging for a while, with no clue what to blog about. I do the blogging thing to get people to click on links to shop and hopefully make purchases. Being as I am just starting this, I don’t have a lot of product, but what I do have is a few items on hand that I can do and have to offer. I just can’t get people interested. I have a lot to offer, I just need to get my product seen; and that’s where I have the issue.

I am going to be completely honest here and a bit vulnerable. The honest part is I have no source of income to be able to pay for my site to be promoted. I was able to get some things going I paid for a years worth of an E commerce store, that will be ending in November some time, not exactly sure when but it will end. I was seriously trying to generate a bit of income to be able to stay home and take care of my elderly mother. I am not very comfortable at leaving her here home alone. She does have some health issues, and she just isn’t able to do some things on her own. Still on the honest part. I tend to digress from time to time, and on the honesty part, I am a shameful drop out. Needless to say it wa not by choice, but by circumstances. I regret dropping out of school. If I spell out the reasons, to most it will sound like excuses. When in reality if you’ve never walked in a persons shoes, you shouldn’t judge them. I can honestly say it wasn’t drugs. It wasn’t because I got pregnant in high school. The funny thing about that was I never dated high school boys. But it was due to having a narcissistic mother. I have written blogs about narcissism. The thing is there are several different types of narcissist and the one I was blessed to be raised by is the covert narcissist. Let me just say I love my mom and I will ALWAYS he;p her as best I can. But the fact is she ruined my life. She has 3 children all together. My brother and I are from her first marriage. Her first husband lost his battle with cancer when my brother and I was very young. She remarried 2 years later. Then 3 years later had my younger sister with her second husband. BUT for some reason I will never know I am her target. Most people in my family think I’m crazy or they dismiss my accusations. But they are real, and they are hurtful. But I continue to do my duty as her daughter. I am at the point that I want and need to go back to work. I was laid off JUST before the pandemic hit, and now have been out of work for about 2 years. She tells me she don’t want me to go back to work, because she is used to having some one here with her now. I understand that, but I could go to work overnight that way my brother would be here at night and I could be here during the day. I asked her what happens when you die? She said I was on my own. I said EXACTLY. She would have me stay home with her when I was in high school because she had anxiety attacks. That’s partly the reason I ended up dropping out I was so far behind I didn’t have a chance to catch up. She sits back and watches my every move, and hangs onto every word I say JUST to point out if I miss speak, or make any kind of an error. Now I have had to talk her down from countless anxiety attacks. I’ve had to calm her down over nothing. I have been her voice of reason when she over thinks things and thinks herself into an anxiety attack. ONLY to be dismissed because she’s feeling ok on a given day. I feel like I’ve been raising my mom since I was 15 years old. NOW I digress.

And now I come to the vulnerable part of this blog. I find it hard to ask for help. I think it’s because I’m always the one helping. But I am asking for help. Donations, or even an angel investor. The thing is I want to be able to work at something I love to do. I would love to be able to make crafts and gifts for people to buy for their friends, and family. But as it stands I am out of ideas on how to make this a possibility. Well the fact is I am out of funds. I have ran out my unemployment, and I can’t seem to find a job that works with my hours I would be available. As I stated earlier I would like to be able to stay home and take care of my elderly mother. I’m just not used to not have a source of income. On another vulnerable situation, just before I was laid off I was seeing a doctor, and long story short I was told I tested positive for scleroderma. In short it is chronic hardening and tightening of the skin and connective tissues. Scleroderma is a group of rare diseases that more than often affects women. It commonly occurs between the ages of 30 and 50. My hands swell up quite often and I have a lot of pain in the joints more so when they are swollen. That’s another reason I wanted to get this E commerce business so I can be able to work my own schedule and take the time I need to when my scleroderma is flaring up. Not only can scleroderma affect the skin but it also can affect many internal organs hindering digestive and respiratory functions, and causing kidney failure. There are two main categories of scleroderma: localized and systemic. Each category is make up of several conditions. Localized scleroderma: often affects only the skin and not major organs. However I was laid off shortly after the diagnosis and was never able to do any follow ups. Which is another reason I need a job, or get this E commerce running to where I am making some income to get insurance and follow up on this condition. One thing I have certainly learned is, you have to have money to start a business of any kind, and if anything, I hope if who ever reads this has at least one take away from this blog, it will be that you have to have money to start a business. I don’t care what they advertise about starting for free. I found so many sites that made it sound like you could use their platform for free, but then you had to {upgrade} in order to do more so yeah the sign up is free, you can sign up on many platforms, but you can’t do anything until you UPGRADE! Ok. I think I’ve done enough damage for today, but why not just for fun ✌❤
https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

Empty Nest pt 2

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So the saga of my son and his girlfriend with the missing key to her car.

It is now believed that her Aunt’s son took the key. He’s a 14 yr old. The key is still missing from what I understand, but his girlfriend had a conversation with her Aunt, and her Aunt called the 14 yr old into the conversation. She asked him if he had the key, and the young boy was beyond angery. He was yelling and saying why am I always blamed. But he had so much anger in his voice. ( the girlfriend recorded the conversation then sent it to my son)

Now I know you can’t get a full picture or idea of their day to day life, JUST from one interaction. But from that little bit, it sounds to me like there’s a lot of toxicity within that family dynamics. Bottom line, the key is still missing. So my son had her go get a CLUB to lock her steering wheel.

My son now thinks the young boy took the key, and was going to take the car out late at night. Because the boy had plans to spin the night at a friend’s house. As far as I’m concerned, I feel like this is one big elaborate lie. I hope I’m wrong, but we’ll never know the truth. So Saturday was ruined, as far as what my son had planned.

Seems to me, they don’t have boundaries, or don’t respect people’s boundaries. Why would a person go into another persons bag? Why are you even taking something that doesn’t belong to you? To this day ( I don’t care how good of friends or if we are blood relatives) I would NEVER just go into someone’s purse or bag and take something. I will hand them their bag and let them retrieve the item, OR I will make sure they have their eyes on my while I go into their bag, or purse. That’s just me. I know the feeling of having your boundaries crossed or disrespected.

Ok enough about that key. I hope everyone had a great 4th of July. My sister came over with her twins and we had a great dinner. We had brisket, tater salad, baked beans, mac and cheese, aaannd homemade ice cream. Then we had some fure works. The twins had fun lighting them. Our whole street was lit up with fire works and smoke.

Well that’s about all I have for now. But I would like to say that I have given myself a new challenge. That challenge is to make a quilt. But this quilt will be either an American flag, or a Texas flag, or maybe both. However I first need to sell some items so I can get the material to do this challenge. So please shop around my links and help me out. I would greatly appreciate it.

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Blogging Festival

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Ok today is a brainstorm kind of day. I feel a bit overwhelmed with thoughts and ideas, and am RALLY struggling with organizing them. Oof… They are incomplete thoughts because I don’t have answers to complete them. If that makes sense. My anxiety is running a bit high today so I need to write or blog to try and organize these racing thoughts and compartmentalize them.

I’ve heard it a thousand times if I’ve heard it once. They say find a job you love doing and it will be like you’re not even working. I have found something I love doing, but I need work to do it.

I literally JUST did a blog, but because I can’t slow my brain from thinking, I HAD to find the word I was looking for. The word is an investor. But in searching for that word I discovered such a thing as an angel investor. I have an old friend and I use that term friend loosely. We was pretty good friends in highschool, but we did lose contact for quite a few years. Then I found him on Facebook, we caught on the lost years. He’s married and has a beautiful family. No we was not sweet hearts, just good friends. I was the typical girl who got along better with guy friends then girl friends. Truthfully some girls are so catty. I don’t like drama, it’s a waste of time to fuss over little things. But for some reason some girls are like that. I actually only had a few girls I could get along with. Might be because they didn’t act so catty and jealous we were actually friends, not just hanging out to meet our next future heartbreak. (😂) Yes I am rambling again. I can certainly say this blogging thing has taught me that I really need to get out more. I need to meet more people. But I’m a little nervous of people sooooo there’s that. Ok moving on. On getting this thought out there in the eithet…… I’m looking for an angel investor. I need some ideas on how to find them, and how to approach them with my ideas. Or just some how I win the lotto, and then I can take the risks that I want to take. But good gracious you have to be rich to even start a business. And what I mean by rich is have the ability to lose some thousands of dollars and not end up living under a bridge IF it’s not successful. I’ve always had the mindset that failure is NOT an option. Thats what helped me pass my driving test, passed my tests in school AND pass my test to get into nursing. I honestly believe IF I had the financial backing, this business idea would be successful. Ok byeeee

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

😂