Almost Over

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Soon this random blog will be over. I have “chosen” NOT to renew my subscription. Mostly because I don’t have the finances to do so. I’ve read that 99% of “business’s” fail anyway. So apparently I fall into that percentile. This sucks, because I really enjoyed crafting.

I know I wrote about being positive, but there’s a difference between bein naïve, and staying positive. That difference is being truthful to yourself. I’m not meant for greatness, or even slightly being successful. Reminds me of the old saying ” you can’t have your cake and eat it too” something to that effect. To be honest I wasn’t looking for greatness. I knew in reality what I was trying to do would have NEVER turned into a franchise, or become a (million) dollar type of business. But I was hoping for some type of success. Anyway it is what it is, and it ain’t what it ain’t.

As I mentioned earlier that there’s a difference between reality and being naïve. Naïve is showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment. Reality is the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them. So I am now living in reality. I always have lived in the cruel world of reality. It’s not a bad place to live, just sometimes a little harsh. When some of your hopes and dreams get crushed. Often times it’s the slow crush that hurts the most as you feel every bit of the pain of defeat. Then you pick yourself up, realign yourself and find the next failure. Now don’t think I go into my ventures with the mindset of it’s going to be a failure, no I go into it whole heartedly believing and thinking THIS IS IT! I have such enthusiasm and excitement. UNTIL, the inevitable. It’s quite depressing. Thank goodness I’m not speaking out loud about this, because I would be in tears.

The funny thing about this is you are always coming accross the “success” stories. Right? How they grew up poor, didn’t have this or that but they worked hard and became successful. You can’t say it’s not true because you wasn’t there when they was struggling. However thd reality IS if you want to have or start a business you HAVE to have some kind of business sense. You have to have business idea, and plan, AND you have to have finances in order to do anything. You hear how they worked 3 jobs went to school raised their children as a single parent blah blah blah. I know I sound like an angry loser, believe you me I am not that angry loser. I just cannot believe ALL of their story. I was a single mom working 2 jobs, and no matter how small I cut the corners I was still LITERALLY JUST surviving. We lived on bare necessities.

Ok, ok enough of venting. Moving on. As stated this wordpress venture will be over soon. I just hope I’ve helped someone in a positive way. So heres my my links because y’all know I can’t leave without posting I laugh to keep from crying.

Just a few of the craft items I have made

https://simplegiftshere.company.site

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

Update: Random Memory

I have tried to follow many others in this journey. At first the app let me follow, now every time I try to follow it says something went wrong, or can not follow. I don’t know what it means, I’ll just assume it’s another road block. After all I am the queen of at least the things.

  1. Getting lost
  2. Finding road blocks
  3. And failing

I started to list number 3 as not winning. But the truth is I am winning! Winning at losing. So on the bright side…busts out into to the song I’m winning

One day I was on the ground
When I needed a hand
And it couldn’t be found
I was so far down
That I couldn’t get up
You know and
One day I was one of life’s losers
Even my friends were my accusers
And in my head
I’d lost before I’d begun I had a dream
But it turned to dust
And what I thought was love
That must have been lust
I was living in style
When the walls fell in
When I played my hand
I looked like a joker
Turned around
Fate must have woke her
‘Cause lady luck
She was waiting outside the doorI’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
And I don’t intend on losing again Too bad it belonged to me
It was the wrong time
And not meant to be
Took a long time
And I knew for now
I can see the day
That I breathe for
Friends agree, there’s a need
To play the game
And to win againI’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
And I don’t intend on losing againI had a dream
But it turned to dust
What I thought was love
That must have been lust
I was living in style
When the walls fell in
When I played my hand
I looked like a joker
Turned around
Fate must have woke her
‘Cause lady luck
She was waiting outside the doorI’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
And I don’t intend on losing again

The Virus

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What a month I have had. So to start with August 14, my son was vistiting me like he does every weekend. But this Sunday morning I detected he wasn’t feeling well. Of course we both just figured it was sinuses flairing up. However after he left to go home, he ended up coming back to my house because there was some issues with some neighbors being loud over at his place. Somebody’s birthday or something. He has always had sleep issues ALL his life. I remember when he was young, if this child fell asleep in the car on the way to the store, if he just got a little cat nap it was like he was fully charged and could go another 16 hours. So I would do things like tell to look for the elephant, or lion, or ANY type of animal in the sky, JUST to keep him awake. I learned that if I woke him up early, let him spend his energy he would sleep at night. Then came kindergarten. They had a flipping NAP time because state law requires kindergarten students take a nap. However I spoke with his teacher and said he cannot have a nap. She asked what did I suggest during nap time. We got that settled, but I always knew if there was a substitute, because he woukd be awake untill 2 or 3 in the morning. I took him to school the next day and asked if there was a substitute, and the teacher said yes I was out yesterday, why do you ask? I explained that my son was awake until the early morning. The school apparently didn’t realize how vital it was that he not have a nap. To be honest, I think he had a mild case of hyper activity. However as a parent I was consistent with him. He knew if he acted out of line there would be consequences. Because I did not want to put him on medication.

So fast forward to now he’s a grown man. (gawd he grew too fast) He has always needed complete dark and silence to go to sleep. But you cannot control what other people do. So he came back here. I think it’s really because he’s not feeling well, but he did go to work that Monday, he said he felt worse, but would try to make it. Then he seen his girlfriend and she told him she wasn’t feeling well either. Long story short she went and took tge covid test, it came back positive. So he decided to take the test and yep positive as well. Now I never went to get tested, however because they have it I naturally assumed I got it.

Now here’s the concern. Y’all all know I take care of my elderly mother who has asthma/COPD amongst other health problems. I was so scared she was going to get it. However we took major precautions. We, my son and I stayed in one room for the most part. When we came out of the room we carried lysol and sprayed the areas we was in. We NEVER came out of the room without a mask on, and we never came out if anybody was in the front of the house.

Now that being said. Having the virus was like having a winter cold for my son and myself. We had a few days of your typical body aches. But mostly we was fatigued. We slept a lot. My son had told me he couldn’t taste or smell anything. Then I noticed I couldn’t smell or taste anything. In fact the only thing I could almost taste was grapes. And to be honest THAT was the MOST frustrating part of the virus. Not being able to smell or taste. It remined me of a movie I seen I can’t remember the title, but there was a guy who was an alcoholic. In the movie he couldn’t get his thirst quenched. He literally drank himself to death because he couldn’t get the thirst quenched. I think it was from the movie Hell Raiser you know the old movie with pinhead. But I’m not sure. Any way, it kind of felt like that. Because we wanted food, but we didn’t enjoy it because we couldn’t taste it or smell it.

During that time my son and I are sick, my mom is doing things like cooking, baking, and cleaning up the kitchen. Then after 10 days my son goes back to retest and it came back negative. YAY! However we still couldn’t smell or taste. We had a little jar of vics vapor rub. We used that for our smell test. Then little by little our taste and smell came back. Now I feel lije we are back to our normal selves again. We can smell and taste. But that is certainly not something I woukd want to go through again. It’s so wierd to not smell or taste. But the fact that nothing computes when you attempt to smell something it’s just blank.

So finally things get back to sort of normal, my son went back to work Wednesday after labor day. BUT now my mom is in pain. She’s telling me her stomach and back is hurting her. So on Tuesday the day right after labor day we visited an urgent care. We spent 5 hours there because they did all kinds of lab work. They diagnosed her with gastritis. Gave her a prescription for Pepcid AC. Then come Saturday she was still in pain and wanted to go to another ER because she didn’t like the previous diagnosis. Long story short same diagnosis. I tried to explain to her that when I was sick, and you doing all that cooking, you may have over exerted youself. Because I was doing everything. All she had to do was relax. Even when I was working, I came home and took care of cooking dinner and cleaning. So that 2 weeks I was sick she did too much and hurt herself.

I also know a part of this act is because she don’t want me to go back to work. She does not like being alone. I wished my ecommerce would have done well, but I just couldn’t get it off the ground.

Well there’s my blog. Enjoy. And heres my links if interested

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://simplegiftshere.company.site

Pre First Day

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Soooo tomorrow I start my new job. Been out of work since November 2019. A week before Thanksgiving.

Now Thanksgiving is MY holiday. Everything else is too commercialize these days. Thanksgiving is about cooking and eating and being thankful for our family, our health and just enjoying the company you have.

So evey since I started working, I ALWAYS worked on Thanksgiving. One year I had already been at Netflix 6 years, I decided to put the week of Thanksgiving for my week of vacation. AND it was approved! Now I put that time in from January. I was so excited all year for THAT week. I literally planned that whole week for cooking.

I bought molds to make a chocolate cornucopia to be filled with candies and cookies. I bought special dinner ware JUST for that day. I had it all planned out.

The menu consisted of turkey, stuffing, gravy, roast, potatoes, carrots. Corn on the cob, fresh green beans, candied yams. Sweet Tea. Desserts was pumkin pie, chocolate pie, sweet potato pie, and vanilla pie. The pie crusts was of course homemade. I had mom and dad decorating the cookies. Basically to keep them out of my hair. I had bought a beautiful tablecloth, and place mats. I even put fake fall leaves over the table. We rarely have a cold Thanksgiving here in this part of Texas.

Now even though mom and dad had been divorced for a few years, he still hung out with us all the time. He of course had a invitation to go to his youngest daughter’s house, but he always came to mine. He said he felt more comfortable and welcomed at my house. That made me feel a sense of pride. I always want people to feel comfortable and welcomed in my house. My door is always open. So that year we had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We all was stuffed.

Besides the food my dad said his favorite part was the leaves because it reminded him of back home in Missouri.

Sadly by March the following year my dad passed away. He had a heart attack and was found in the parking lot where he had made his last delivery for his job.

That was the worst news I ever received. My dad had tripple bypass about 4 years priar. When he had his surgery he signed a DNR paper. When the paramedics got to him they revived him, but he was in a coma. Basically he was with no brain activity. My sister was responsible to make the call to pull the plug. We know that’s what he would have wanted. He was always a hard working man. He never wanted to depend on his children.

I hated that he was called home. But I feel good about our last Thanksgiving we had together. It took me a while, but I was finally able to have a Thanksgiving dinner in honor and memory of my dad. So this year I hope to do the same. Yes I will be setting a plate for him.

So planning Thanksgiving now. Will keep you posted on first day on the job and how the plans for Thanksgiving dinner is going

https://simplegiftshere.company.site

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

Update on The Job search.

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Long story short. I have a job, just as soon as I pass a drug test, and a physical. I wish I knew about the drug test. Because I need to study. kidding.

So now I’m in Katy getting my physical and my drug test. And man there areca lot of people here. I hate waiting. But here I am waiting. Ok it took 3 hours JUST to get called. Now my blood pressure is a bit elevated. But we continue to complete the physical. We tried 3 different occasions checking my BP and it was still elevated. However after the doctor came in to do his part in the physical he gave me a green light. YAY! Next is orientation and I should officially start a job on Monday.

The shift is 2p to 10p. That’s ideal for me to still be able to get mom to her doctors appointments. And I can still tinker with my failed ecommerce account

They mentioned how impressed they was with my resume. Being as I have longevity on my jobs. I laughed said thank you, then proceeded to gently explain that I am not a fan of awkward interviews. I don’t like the classic (so tell me about you, or why do you want to work here?)

With those lame question there are so many sarcastic remarks you can make. Yet you have to be professional and give a logical answer. I WANT to say because I need a job and you need a body to fill a position. Or because y’all are hiring. Because let’s be honest here, we are not doctors, who have the answer to cure cancer. Nor are we lawyers with this rare ability to magically win and UNwinable case. We are the back end of how things are ran that noone sees. However, I am so grateful to have a job. Now if I can make this job last AT LEAST 16 years. I plan to retire at age 68. Lord knows I most likely wont make it to 72.

So here’s my links.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Quick Blog

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I know I’ve been away from blogging. But I have a good reason. I have been diligently looking for work. I want and need full time. However I have an interview today with a retail store. I know 99% of those places only hire part time. But I also have 2 other interviews one on Monday, and another on Tuesday. I will of course attend all 3 and see what each has to offer. I’m almost sure something good is going to happen. If anything it will be a job. So I can generate an income to try and continue my failed ecommerce

Any ways off to my interview heres your links

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Update: Interview

Well that interview was a flop. So as I stated, I have been diligently looking for a job, to support my failed ecommerce store. The ONLY reason I applied for the job is BECAUSE it said FULL TIME. Yet she said it would be part time. So I told her I would come in for an interview and see what happens. I had explained to her that when the application had me put hours of availability it showed for an overnight shift. I explained that I was interested in an overnight shift and why. But she said she didn’t have an overnight shift. Then I asked her on average how many hours would I average a week? Her response was… That depends on how well you work, if you do what I tell you, and work hard. She proceeded to say SHE’S the stocker and even if the line backs up all the way to the back room….I’m still stocking. If little jonnie throws up in the middle if the isle YOU have to clean it up. Because I’m stocking. Line is backed up….I’m stocking. So I says to her well that’s rather stressful on account you have more than one register, yet you have a line of customers getting frustrated because YOU won’t jump on a register and get the line down. Then she proceeded to say… If the line backs up I’m ( she) gonna jump on a register and get the line down. I was saying to myself. You speak with a forked tonge. Talking out the side of your mouth. To be honest she sent negative vibes. She was wearing cut off blue jean shorts, unmatched socks. She quite frankly was not very professional. Now I want and need a job, but this didn’t seem like a good fit AT ALL se le vi

I have 2 more interviews this week. We’ll see how those go.

Oh how I wish getting my ecommerce was as easy as getting job interviews. Yes another update. I still have 2 interviews one today, BUT I now have 2 for tomorrow. So today is a position for a baker ar Golden Corral. I can’t say for sure if it would be full time, but I do know the chances are extremely high that I would be working on weekends. Not that I do a lot of going out partying, because I haven’t “gone out” in YEARS. But…. I don’t want to work every weekend either. So I plan to go to that interview today, I have a phone interview tomorrow with a department store at 9:40 a.m, then an in person at 10:00 a.m. with a warehouse job. This job is Monday through Friday, from what I can tell. I’m almost 100% sure it’s full time, and I know for sure it’s CERTAINLY NOT a minimum wage pay.

Handmade

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I have always enjoyed handmade items. I feel like it adds a personal touch. When I was a child growing up, I secretly loved crafting. In grade school I loved when we did arts and crafting. Then I became a teenager, yes your typical don’t care about anything teen. I was in, hindsight depressed, after we left Texas when I was 16, I hated everything. We moved to Florida. Lived in Fort Lauderdale for 2 years. We could almost walk to the beach. But being as I am a red haired person, the sun is not so much of a friend to me. So the idea of living close to a beach was certainly not appealing to me. I just stayed in the house eating away my depression (literally) I had put on so much weight. After 2 years of living in Florida, my dad had it in his heart to move to Missouri. That’s where he’s from. He has 10 acres there, and had hopes of getting back to his land. However it apparently was not Gods plan or will. We lived in Missouri for a year, but it was a struggle as there was no work there. Some how we ended up coming back to Texas. I was excited to be going back home. But in those 3 years we was gone, so much had changed. I lost all my friends. Sometimes I wonder if that was Gods will. I say that because in hindsight I was on a path to self destruction. I was drinking pretty heave for a 14/15 year old. I was smoking and drinking every day. I’d stay at my friends house till 2 and 3 in the morning, and STILL get up and go to school everyday. Although I was having a good time, and good friends, I look back and think, what if I stayed drinking and smoking every day? Would I be an alcoholic? We will never know for certain, but as I look back, I see what road I was on and it wasn’t a good path.

Now I’m older and wiser. I have worked hard for minimum pay, now out of work going on 2 years and in the beginning of my lay off I went back to crafting, actually found something I enjoy doing. Making something out of nothing. I enjoy seeing it piece together and becoming something.

The fact is I have nothing to blog about. I want to do so many things and have become overwhelmed. I feel unorganized, almost a scatter brain. I want to make and sell items, but can’t get traffic to my store. Makes me think if God has other plans for me. Because as it stands I can’t make product because I’m not selling product, and if I’m not selling product, there’s no money, or need or ability to buy more product to make more product. I know for a fact THAT was a ramble on. . I tell you, it’s a good thing I ain’t trying to make a living out of blogging…..talk about your starving artists

Ok so there it is. My scrambled blog for the day. You know I ain’t leaving without putting my links. so here ya go.

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

Go shopping PLEASE!

Gas Lighting

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Gas lighting is a phrase that I dispise. I dispise when the person gas lighting me tries to tell me what I seen, or heard. That is a form of emotional abuse. The fact that they make you question your reality. Gaslighting is a narcissist best weapon. It keeps their victim confused, and unsure of what’s really happening.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that can happen to anyone, especially in romantic relationships.  Additionally, the effects of gaslighting may make it even harder for the victim to leave an abusive relationship as they may not even realize it’s happening.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that can happen to anyone, especially in romantic relationships. 

Additionally, the effects of gaslighting may make it even harder for the victim to leave an abusive relationship as they may not even realize it’s happening.

1. “That never happened.”

Gaslighting often causes the victim to doubt themselves. Someone will do or say something abusive and then deny that it ever happened, says psychotherapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Tina B Tessinaina, PhD, in private practice.

“The victim starts questioning [their] instincts and relies more and more on the ‘reality’ that gets created and manipulated by the abuser. It also heightens a sense of dependency on the abuser,” says Tessina. 

You’re too sensitive.”

This is a phrase used by gaslighters to minimize and invalidate the victim’s feelings. If the victim tries to express hurt or disappointment, the gaslighter may tell them that they are making a big deal out of nothing.The intent is to make you feel stupid for even trying to stand up for yourself. Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to put up with the abusive behavior and stay in the relationship,” says Tessina.

“You have a terrible memory.” This is another common phrase gaslighters use to make victims doubt themselves. Of course, everybody experiences trouble with recalling certain details, but Tessina says gaslighters will make their victim doubt their memory as a whole, spanning a multitude of situations

They do this because getting a victim to question themselves is at the core of gaslighting. When a victim no longer trusts their assessments, the abuser is in complete control,” says Tessina. 

These are just a few examples of gaslighting and why it’s done. The one about the terrible memory is the one that has been pushed onto me.

Well dang my mind has shut down for now. So I’m going to get busy. Y’all have a great day

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Constant Criticism

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Ever notice some people are constantly criticizing you? There may be one person in particular you know will criticize you. You can in fact feel it coming because the eyes of said criticizer is burning a whole through you.

Let me just say when you get criticism from people in general it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Constructive criticism is fine. There’s a difference between constructive criticism and criticism JUST to belittle a person. I actually enjoy having a discussion that’s constructive criticism we can brain storm ideas off of each other.

But when you have some one constantly criticizing you, it can make things a little difficult. Now y’all know I’m gonna give an example. Ready? Ok here we gooooooo

So the other day I was cooking dinner, mom says I bet Robert would like some biscuits with this meal. My initial response was oh my goodness we already got 2 eyes going, and NOW you wanna turn the oven on?!

We are in the middle of summer and here in Texas humidity is so high here and the heat I try to cook as little as possible

But I decided to make them. Not because she said my brother would like some, but because I knew SHE really wanted a biscuit. So I grab an iron skillet, and she grabbed the shortening from the pantry. Now I reach into the shortening and grab a small handful to coat the skillet. As I’m coating the skillet, I here her say “goodness, that’s a lot!” I gave her the side eye, she says “I know, you don’t want me in here watching you huh” I responded with I don’t mind that you’re in here, I just don’t need you criticizing my every move. She didn’t say too much, but she did question my methods on making the biscuits. And make remarks about how others make their biscuits. So we made it through the biscuits fiasco. And when dinner was done, surprisingly she complimented my biscuits. I was shocked, but not sure if she’s starting the love bombing thing again, or if the complement is sincere.

While that was just one example of criticism to lower your self esteem, there are other forms of criticism that hurt as well. The way you drive, there is a constant, why are you driving around this bend so fast? Don’t you think you’re a little close to that car in front? OMG ARE YOU GOING TO STOP?!

While these are all an attempt to emotionally, and mentally abuse you for there enjoyment. YOU CANNOT TAKE IT TO HEART! You have to tell yourself YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are good ENOUGH.

Ok I blogged there you go. Read it, I hope you enjoyed it, but more so go look at my links

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

A Simple Touch.

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So I woke up this morning got my coffee ans was just about to go to wordpress, when I grabbed my phone, some how the goofle opened and the seen an article. This is the title of said article

Physical touch during early life appears to play a key role in moral development, according to new psychology research. I skimmed through the article. But it reminded me of a conversation my son and I had. I never realized I did this, but my son pointed it out to me. Actually there was two main things that was pointed out to me by my son. So the touch. I for one when I had him wanted to keep him in my arms, and hold him ever so gently, but tightly in my arms for ever. He was so perfect. But as we all know the little munchkins have to grow up. Then THEY don’t don’t want your arms any more. Because in reality, they ARE learning and growing. But as for me, I just wanted to hold him in my arms, keeping him safe. As I’ve mentioned before in other blogs, my son and I are very close. He has ALWAYS known that no matter what the problem may be, he was alway safe to talk to me. So by this point my son is an adult, and we had a conversation about how I raised him. He mentioned a few things, but the two that stuck out to me was that I always touched him, and the other was, I never yelled at him.

I hadn’t realized either one. So he explains, as far as the touch, he told me there was times he would be lying on the couch watching TV, or playing a game, and as I walked past him, I would apply a gentle touch, maybe gently rub his head, or a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, but he said I touched him often. He also said he liked it because it gave him a sense of calmness. Now as far as the yelling, I know that in order for me to yell, you REALLY must have hit the nerve, because I am just not a person to yell. For one I don’t like being yelled at, therefore I will not yell at you.

Full disclosure I did not read the article from beginning to end. But it doesn’t take Einstein, to know, the simple and kind act of touch goes a long way. For one it stimulates the brain. Hugging and other forms of nonsexual touching cause your brain to release oxytocin, known as the “bonding hormone.” 

Well that’s the read for today. But please keep your eyes open I will soon be having some interesting content, or at least I think interesting.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30