So there may be a pt3 not sure just yet. I will know more on the 8th of October. So I posted a rant about fair labor laws. I spoke on the fact that I filed a wage complaint with workforce. Y’all know how rude that person was that I spoke to. So yesterday I received a letter from workforce informing me ” officially” that they have received my complaint. Now today I get an email from the company I filed on.
So naturally I told her I would pick up the check on Friday October 8 2021 at 2:30 pm.
So aparently I was entitled to the hours slent on orientation; however I am unsure if it will be calculated at $7.25 as according to the person I spoke with they are only obligated to pay minimum wage for the training. Either way, I sttod my ground on what I thought was right. But the other concerns I have are…. Are the employees there bei g treated properly? Are they aware of their rights as an employee? Did they or will they at the very least get a relatively clean break room to have their lunch rather than have lunch IN the warehouse 6 to 8 feet from where they are working? I hope at the very least they get a break room away from where they’re working.
Ok the troublemaker us signing out. Yeah heres my links. Still trying to earn a living.
New day but same old bull shigity. Dealing with a narcissist, actually, dealing with a narcissist and the oldest child that encourages the behavior. I know through reading on how to deal with narcissistic people that you’re NOT to take their jabs on a personal level. That being said, it’s a skill that HAS to be learned, and it takes work to learn and put that skill to good use. Truth is it’s not only easier, but habitual to just react to the jabs than to actually put that skill to work. Once you’ve reacted, you have just nurished that narcissists needs. Then you get more upset and frustrated at yourself because of your reaction. You just get so tired of the constant jabs. From semantics to only paying attention JUST to hear you miss speak, to quickly point out that you stumbled on a word. that crap gets old real fast. The constant talking about me like I’m not even in the same room as them, but if I react or get offended it’s the constant ” why so defensive?” Or “We was just joking.” Or “I didn’t mean it that way”
Don’t even think about having a conversation with a narcissist. If they make a statement what ever they say is ABSOLUTE fact. There is no questioning, or relating another scenario; because if you do, then you’re being argumentative. Lord forbid you should EVER disagree with a narcissist.
Sometimes a person just needs time alone to be able to reboot, and build energy and strenght to be able to tolerate, and act according to the toxic person/people in your life. To be honest the best reaction to a toxic person is no contact. Just walk away and leave them to their own devices. However when it’s family, and it’s your elderly mother and your other siblings are “unavailable” not much you can do but bite the bullet. The old saying take one for the team.
She’s back to her old tricks from back in the 80’s when my dad moved us to Florida. When school started and she was home alone, she started having panic attacks (anxiety) except we didn’t really know what that was. NOW years later it turns out they was anxiety, but at the time she and we thought it was that she was going into a heart attack. Most times by the time we hot to the ER the panic attack would be settled. Then we would follow up with our primary physician in short she was prescribed prescribed Valium for her. Of course she wouldn’t take them. She was scared of getting addicted to them. Rather ironic medication for anxiety, yet created another fear. The thing is, when she would want somebody home with her, she would have my dad leave his job to come and get me out of school. We lived in Florida for 2 years, I might have physically attend class at best a half a semester. The thing is she never had this anxiety issue until we went to live in Florida. There she was away from her family.
One of the main characteristics of individuals with increased levels of vulnerable narcissism is anxiety. I have never had a panic attack to where it feels like I’m having a heart attack, I believe I as well as many others have anxiety, it just presents differently. I tend to tinker around with things like reorganising the dishes, or the food pantry or a closet. Basically anything to not focus on the anxiety. Yet finding peace with what I can’t change.
So after 2 years in Florida my dad decided to move us to Missouri. Things was a little better, she actually got a part time job with a lady at our church. Cleaning houses. That was the first time I ever seen my mom have a job. But for what ever reason the job didn’t last very long. Then after a year in Missouri my moms brothers and sister was able to get us plane tickets back to Texas. I was going into my senior year when we came back to Texas. Because the credit system was different in Texas than Missouri, they wanted to put me back to a junior. So I ended up dropping out.
Fast forward to now. Now I have been out of work but looking for work. She has made me aware that she wants me to stay home with her. I am trying to find work that has a second or over night shift. So I CAN be home with her during the day and her oldest golden child can be home with her in the evening.
The thing is back in August I was sick. I didn’t want to spread the virus so I steered clear of everybody. But mom thinks her golden son needs a hot meal cooked for him every night when he comes home. So she was in the kitchen cooking, making biscuits using cast iron skillets. Long story short she hurt herself doing all that. Because the thing is I had been doing all the cooking and cleaning for the past 10 years or more. EVEN while working. They literally began to treat me like I was their maid. But I digress.
I mentioned earlier about anxiety. I have mentioned that I have never had an attack where I thought I was having a heart attack. So I am not saying anxiety is not a real situation, but I often wonder if those attacks are a form of regret in a narcissistic person. One thing I know for sure….. This psychology stuff is crazy. The mind is a tricky thing, and can play tricks on you. I know I don’t makes sense half the time. Probably most of the time. But heres another ranting/venting blog. And of course my links.
This is kind of a fallow up to my rant from my previous post. I contacted workforce about rather or not the company I worked one day for was obligated to pay me for the whole day I worked.
The lady I spoke to gave off the vibe that she couldn’t careLESS about my situation. When I explained the course of events her response was “so you want to be paid for the whole day?” I explained to her that I was wondering if the labor laws means the company is obligated to pay for the orientation/safety training. She asked the same question, so I said yes. She says WHY? I was taken aback. I like most general labor people do not REALLY know our rights. I said to the lady, “because I don’t know what my rights are, like many others who try to eak out a living, and I can’t afford to hire an attorney. But apparently these few hours I’m asking about seem to be petty to you. But thanks for belittling me.” So long story short on that conversation she did tell me how I can file a claim on that. Also when I told her I was concerned about safety violations with the employees smoking inside the building she asked me why didn’t I call OSHA. Again I explained to her I do not know my rights and or what or who to contact.
I feel like this should have been titled The Underdog. Because as I said in my previous blog there are a lot of foreigners working there. It just makes me wonder how much they take advantage of them with their rights. For the most part we JUST want to work and earn a living.
Then you have the businesses and corporations with their attorneys on speed dial that if any employees even thought about standing up for their rights they would crush us like an ant.
Then when we look for answers. There are systems in place that are supposed to help us with our rights. But some of the people who work there really don’t give a damn and act like WE are wasting their time.
I did file a complaint with OSHA. I know the smoking in the building was a violation, most places don’t allow smoking IN the building. It’s been like that for years. I remember my granny used to grocery shop and smoke while going through the store and nobody batted an eye. But there was a time I met a cousin of mine at a Starbucks we sat outside so we could smoke cigarettes and chat, when a server came to tell us we couldn’t smoke outside They didn’t want smoking AT ALL on their premises. So we said ok no problem. I told my cousin that I’ll be adding this to the many reasons I don’t like Starbucks. We laughed. But another thing that bothered me about that job, was the fact that they had a table set up INSIDE the production area of the warehouse for the employees to have lunch. The thing is, it was maybe 8 feet away from where they’re working with the insulation for the AC vents. I would think that the employees should have a relatively clean area to eat their lunch.
But you know what’s the saddest thing about all this that I’m fussing about is? Because as I’ve said most of the employees are Vietnamese, and sadly from where they came from and how they live in their country before they got here to America…..This is probably a slice of heaven to them in comparison to Vietnam.
I’m pretty sure Vietnam is a socialist economy. I will admit I have only ever known what life is like in America. I don’t know if socialism is good or bad. But what I do know is…. That if it’s so great, then why are people risking their lives to get to America?
While I’m writing this I just received a phone call from OSHA. I have to say I’m surprised that they responded so quickly. The gentleman just had a few questions in reponse to my online complaint that I filed. If anything, I hope the employees at LEAST get a real break room away from where they’re working. I’ll most likely never know if that happens. I’m no Erin Brocovich. ( never seen the movie) but I do hope for better working conditions for those employed by that company.
Not sure what this title will be just yet. I’m basically biding my time until this WordPress subscription is complete.
Feeling frustrated and defeated. I seem to be at a crossroads. I want and need a job, yet my mom is also in need of having someone with her at home. I had a plan that failed. Just like many other things in my journey of living.
As I said I had a job, but I only worked one day. One because it’s not climate controlled, but also there was so many safety violations. The employees was smoking INSIDE the warehouse! THERE’S A LOT OF FLAMMABLE STUFF IN THERE!!! Now don’t get me wrong, I understand the addiction of smoking, I used to smoke. In fact I smoked for 30+ years. I fully understand. However if you’re working where there’s flammable stuff and A LOT of it, I don’t think ANY ONE should be smoking INSIDE the building.
Now my shift was going to be 2pm to 10pm, however I went in early to do my orientation. Then started my shift at pretty close to 2pm. Now I only lasted until 5:30pm for a few reasons. I was just getting over from being sick. But the heat in the building was causing me to get a headache. Now I had been there since about 10:30 am and it’s now 5:30pm I decided to go to lunch. But instead of coming back, I just went home. I literally ran straight cold water for a shower and stood under it for a while, JUST to cool my body down. I had a horrible headache in the back of my head. Needless to say I could not handle that heat. I think if I had been younger and not been diagnosed with scleroderma I may have muscled through it, just like I did with any and all my other jobs. But…… It is what it is. So I started on August 30, I had already expected to have to wait two weeks for a check. So when that Friday came, I didn’t bother them about my paycheck. Then came the Friday I should have originally received a paycheck, things was busy that day so I never called about it. But I did email her that monday gve her the whole day to respond and she didn’t. So on Tuesday I called her. She said she mailed the check. Proceeded to tell me if I don’t get it by the end of the week to call her. So by Thursday no check. I emailed her and she resooned with saying I told you guve it until the end of the week. So now it’s been 2 weeks. However in doing research I discovered that IF you quit a job, the employer is to pay you on the next regular payday. Which in essence I should have gotten my check, at the end of that week of my first day. It took 3 weeks to get my paycheck, THEN they didn’t pay me for the orientation. So I call her back and she says they don’t pay the employee for the orientation. I said but that’s MY time I gave the company. There was a long pause then she says I understand that, but we don’t pay for the orientation part. Yes I research it, AND this is what I found
Federal law provides that once an individual becomes an employee, he is entitled to be paid under the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA). … Although mere applicants don’t have to be paid during orientation, hired employees must be compensated for their orientation time.
So now my delema is…. How do I go about this situation? Not only that, but there are a lot of foreigners who work there, most Asian, I think Vietnamese. But it makes me wonder how many labor laws are they breaking BECAUSE they don’t know their rights as an employee?. I know me “fighting” for the orientation pay may seem petty, but there’s a principle here. Most employees including myself DO NOT know their rights as an employee. For the most part our goal us to get a job and handle our responsibilities. Not to mention the fact that we the employees would be able to afford an attorney to fight for our rights as an employee and most often we don’t fight for our rights because we DON’T want to lose our job because we have responsibilities.
What a month I have had. So to start with August 14, my son was vistiting me like he does every weekend. But this Sunday morning I detected he wasn’t feeling well. Of course we both just figured it was sinuses flairing up. However after he left to go home, he ended up coming back to my house because there was some issues with some neighbors being loud over at his place. Somebody’s birthday or something. He has always had sleep issues ALL his life. I remember when he was young, if this child fell asleep in the car on the way to the store, if he just got a little cat nap it was like he was fully charged and could go another 16 hours. So I would do things like tell to look for the elephant, or lion, or ANY type of animal in the sky, JUST to keep him awake. I learned that if I woke him up early, let him spend his energy he would sleep at night. Then came kindergarten. They had a flipping NAP time because state law requires kindergarten students take a nap. However I spoke with his teacher and said he cannot have a nap. She asked what did I suggest during nap time. We got that settled, but I always knew if there was a substitute, because he woukd be awake untill 2 or 3 in the morning. I took him to school the next day and asked if there was a substitute, and the teacher said yes I was out yesterday, why do you ask? I explained that my son was awake until the early morning. The school apparently didn’t realize how vital it was that he not have a nap. To be honest, I think he had a mild case of hyper activity. However as a parent I was consistent with him. He knew if he acted out of line there would be consequences. Because I did not want to put him on medication.
So fast forward to now he’s a grown man. (gawd he grew too fast) He has always needed complete dark and silence to go to sleep. But you cannot control what other people do. So he came back here. I think it’s really because he’s not feeling well, but he did go to work that Monday, he said he felt worse, but would try to make it. Then he seen his girlfriend and she told him she wasn’t feeling well either. Long story short she went and took tge covid test, it came back positive. So he decided to take the test and yep positive as well. Now I never went to get tested, however because they have it I naturally assumed I got it.
Now here’s the concern. Y’all all know I take care of my elderly mother who has asthma/COPD amongst other health problems. I was so scared she was going to get it. However we took major precautions. We, my son and I stayed in one room for the most part. When we came out of the room we carried lysol and sprayed the areas we was in. We NEVER came out of the room without a mask on, and we never came out if anybody was in the front of the house.
Now that being said. Having the virus was like having a winter cold for my son and myself. We had a few days of your typical body aches. But mostly we was fatigued. We slept a lot. My son had told me he couldn’t taste or smell anything. Then I noticed I couldn’t smell or taste anything. In fact the only thing I could almost taste was grapes. And to be honest THAT was the MOST frustrating part of the virus. Not being able to smell or taste. It remined me of a movie I seen I can’t remember the title, but there was a guy who was an alcoholic. In the movie he couldn’t get his thirst quenched. He literally drank himself to death because he couldn’t get the thirst quenched. I think it was from the movie Hell Raiser you know the old movie with pinhead. But I’m not sure. Any way, it kind of felt like that. Because we wanted food, but we didn’t enjoy it because we couldn’t taste it or smell it.
During that time my son and I are sick, my mom is doing things like cooking, baking, and cleaning up the kitchen. Then after 10 days my son goes back to retest and it came back negative. YAY! However we still couldn’t smell or taste. We had a little jar of vics vapor rub. We used that for our smell test. Then little by little our taste and smell came back. Now I feel lije we are back to our normal selves again. We can smell and taste. But that is certainly not something I woukd want to go through again. It’s so wierd to not smell or taste. But the fact that nothing computes when you attempt to smell something it’s just blank.
So finally things get back to sort of normal, my son went back to work Wednesday after labor day. BUT now my mom is in pain. She’s telling me her stomach and back is hurting her. So on Tuesday the day right after labor day we visited an urgent care. We spent 5 hours there because they did all kinds of lab work. They diagnosed her with gastritis. Gave her a prescription for Pepcid AC. Then come Saturday she was still in pain and wanted to go to another ER because she didn’t like the previous diagnosis. Long story short same diagnosis. I tried to explain to her that when I was sick, and you doing all that cooking, you may have over exerted youself. Because I was doing everything. All she had to do was relax. Even when I was working, I came home and took care of cooking dinner and cleaning. So that 2 weeks I was sick she did too much and hurt herself.
I also know a part of this act is because she don’t want me to go back to work. She does not like being alone. I wished my ecommerce would have done well, but I just couldn’t get it off the ground.
Well there’s my blog. Enjoy. And heres my links if interested
Ok soooo I told y’all about my new job, and how excited I was. Well I’m sure you guessed by the title it was my first AND last day.
For one the shop had no AC. But even worse, no fans. So that made it worse. Now let me tell HOW my first day went.
So I was scheduled 2pm to 10pm, but I had to go in at 11am for orientation. That took about 3 and a half hours. Once I finished orientation a parson took me down to the shop floor. Now when I was initially hired I was told that I was going in production. So I started there. Not bad for what they had me starting out on, and theyb had fans in that area. Even though it wasn’t cool air circulating, it was a cross breeze. So it made the heat more tolerable. Then along comes another lady in another department bringing me over to her side. This was I believe, the shipping department. No fans! The heat was honestly unbearable. Honestly had I been 20 years younger, I probably would have been able to endure it. But at my age now, I literally get nauseous, and a pounding headache if I am too hot, and have no way of cooling down.
Now the gentleman she put me with to train was a nice person, he just wasn’t really explaining things to me. I felt like a shadow, so we was almost finished with the order, so I says to him. After we finish this order I think I’m going on lunch, since I came in at 10:30 am and it was going on 5:30. He said tou could go now if you want. I said ok I will. I informed him I would be back in 30 minutes. He said you get 45 minutes for lunch. I said ok see you in 45. But I went to my truck and turned it on and left. I had no intentions of going back.
I hate that I did that, but that just was NOT a good fit for me. Understand I’m not afraid of work, but, at the same time scleroderma and heat are not an ideal combination.
I will continue to look for work. But at my age it’s not going to easy. So could y’all PLEASE look at my links
Soooo tomorrow I start my new job. Been out of work since November 2019. A week before Thanksgiving.
Now Thanksgiving is MY holiday. Everything else is too commercialize these days. Thanksgiving is about cooking and eating and being thankful for our family, our health and just enjoying the company you have.
So evey since I started working, I ALWAYS worked on Thanksgiving. One year I had already been at Netflix 6 years, I decided to put the week of Thanksgiving for my week of vacation. AND it was approved! Now I put that time in from January. I was so excited all year for THAT week. I literally planned that whole week for cooking.
I bought molds to make a chocolate cornucopia to be filled with candies and cookies. I bought special dinner ware JUST for that day. I had it all planned out.
The menu consisted of turkey, stuffing, gravy, roast, potatoes, carrots. Corn on the cob, fresh green beans, candied yams. Sweet Tea. Desserts was pumkin pie, chocolate pie, sweet potato pie, and vanilla pie. The pie crusts was of course homemade. I had mom and dad decorating the cookies. Basically to keep them out of my hair. I had bought a beautiful tablecloth, and place mats. I even put fake fall leaves over the table. We rarely have a cold Thanksgiving here in this part of Texas.
Now even though mom and dad had been divorced for a few years, he still hung out with us all the time. He of course had a invitation to go to his youngest daughter’s house, but he always came to mine. He said he felt more comfortable and welcomed at my house. That made me feel a sense of pride. I always want people to feel comfortable and welcomed in my house. My door is always open. So that year we had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We all was stuffed.
Besides the food my dad said his favorite part was the leaves because it reminded him of back home in Missouri.
Sadly by March the following year my dad passed away. He had a heart attack and was found in the parking lot where he had made his last delivery for his job.
That was the worst news I ever received. My dad had tripple bypass about 4 years priar. When he had his surgery he signed a DNR paper. When the paramedics got to him they revived him, but he was in a coma. Basically he was with no brain activity. My sister was responsible to make the call to pull the plug. We know that’s what he would have wanted. He was always a hard working man. He never wanted to depend on his children.
I hated that he was called home. But I feel good about our last Thanksgiving we had together. It took me a while, but I was finally able to have a Thanksgiving dinner in honor and memory of my dad. So this year I hope to do the same. Yes I will be setting a plate for him.
So planning Thanksgiving now. Will keep you posted on first day on the job and how the plans for Thanksgiving dinner is going
Long story short. I have a job, just as soon as I pass a drug test, and a physical. I wish I knew about the drug test. Because I need to study. kidding.
So now I’m in Katy getting my physical and my drug test. And man there areca lot of people here. I hate waiting. But here I am waiting. Ok it took 3 hours JUST to get called. Now my blood pressure is a bit elevated. But we continue to complete the physical. We tried 3 different occasions checking my BP and it was still elevated. However after the doctor came in to do his part in the physical he gave me a green light. YAY! Next is orientation and I should officially start a job on Monday.
The shift is 2p to 10p. That’s ideal for me to still be able to get mom to her doctors appointments. And I can still tinker with my failed ecommerce account
They mentioned how impressed they was with my resume. Being as I have longevity on my jobs. I laughed said thank you, then proceeded to gently explain that I am not a fan of awkward interviews. I don’t like the classic (so tell me about you, or why do you want to work here?)
With those lame question there are so many sarcastic remarks you can make. Yet you have to be professional and give a logical answer. I WANT to say because I need a job and you need a body to fill a position. Or because y’all are hiring. Because let’s be honest here, we are not doctors, who have the answer to cure cancer. Nor are we lawyers with this rare ability to magically win and UNwinable case. We are the back end of how things are ran that noone sees. However, I am so grateful to have a job. Now if I can make this job last AT LEAST 16 years. I plan to retire at age 68. Lord knows I most likely wont make it to 72.
I know I’ve been away from blogging. But I have a good reason. I have been diligently looking for work. I want and need full time. However I have an interview today with a retail store. I know 99% of those places only hire part time. But I also have 2 other interviews one on Monday, and another on Tuesday. I will of course attend all 3 and see what each has to offer. I’m almost sure something good is going to happen. If anything it will be a job. So I can generate an income to try and continue my failed ecommerce
Well that interview was a flop. So as I stated, I have been diligently looking for a job, to support my failed ecommerce store. The ONLY reason I applied for the job is BECAUSE it said FULL TIME. Yet she said it would be part time. So I told her I would come in for an interview and see what happens. I had explained to her that when the application had me put hours of availability it showed for an overnight shift. I explained that I was interested in an overnight shift and why. But she said she didn’t have an overnight shift. Then I asked her on average how many hours would I average a week? Her response was… That depends on how well you work, if you do what I tell you, and work hard. She proceeded to say SHE’S the stocker and even if the line backs up all the way to the back room….I’m still stocking. If little jonnie throws up in the middle if the isle YOU have to clean it up. Because I’m stocking. Line is backed up….I’m stocking. So I says to her well that’s rather stressful on account you have more than one register, yet you have a line of customers getting frustrated because YOU won’t jump on a register and get the line down. Then she proceeded to say… If the line backs up I’m ( she) gonna jump on a register and get the line down. I was saying to myself. You speak with a forked tonge. Talking out the side of your mouth. To be honest she sent negative vibes. She was wearing cut off blue jean shorts, unmatched socks. She quite frankly was not very professional. Now I want and need a job, but this didn’t seem like a good fit AT ALL se le vi
I have 2 more interviews this week. We’ll see how those go.
Oh how I wish getting my ecommerce was as easy as getting job interviews. Yes another update. I still have 2 interviews one today, BUT I now have 2 for tomorrow. So today is a position for a baker ar Golden Corral. I can’t say for sure if it would be full time, but I do know the chances are extremely high that I would be working on weekends. Not that I do a lot of going out partying, because I haven’t “gone out” in YEARS. But…. I don’t want to work every weekend either. So I plan to go to that interview today, I have a phone interview tomorrow with a department store at 9:40 a.m, then an in person at 10:00 a.m. with a warehouse job. This job is Monday through Friday, from what I can tell. I’m almost 100% sure it’s full time, and I know for sure it’s CERTAINLY NOT a minimum wage pay.
I can’t think of a title right now. Maybe one will come to me as I write my thoughts down. I know I have not blogged in just over a week. However I was processing some information. Let me try and explain.
First off anyone who reads my blogs know that my son and I are close. People will call him a mama’s boy, and he will look you dead in your eyes and with absolute pride say “Damn right I am.” He has no shame about his love and respect for me. But in general most people haven’t seen how our relationship was formed. There are a lot of moving parts. I also know things could have been worse. That being said, my son and I have been through a lot. To start with, his dad wanted me to abort him. His dad was upset because HIS life is over now. He didn’t want to have kids, AND it’s MY fault that I got pregnant. So in short I told his dad that I was having this child WITH, or WITHOUT you. You can walk away now and we never have to speak again. He decided to stay with me. However had I known THEN what I know now, decisions would have been different. First, I still would NOT have gotten an abortion. But secondly I woukd not have wasted 15 years trying to build a relationship and a family with this VENGEFUL person. He only stayed to make MY life hell because I wouldn’t have an abortion. I know, you folks who are actually reading this are probably thinking that I’m the one who is a narcissist. But in reality I am the empath. Yes he stayed, but it was like we was roommates. We didn’t do anything as a family. Lime go to the park, or the beach, or go out to eat from time to time. No he worked I stayed home and took care of our child. Normal to a point. He gave me an “allowance” of thirty dollars. That was to by groceries, and do laundry. We lived in apartments that did not offer washer/dryer hook ups. So here I am “playing” house. Now in my mind I was thinking he would soon see how loyal I am, and the fact that I truly do love him, that he would start to see his life is not ruined. I honestly thought we could work this out. But unrequited love is just that. Little did I know it would never be. It took me 15 years of (mostly emotional) abuse, to realise he will never (at the very least) respect me. Let alone love me. He is incapable of love.
In short I finally left him for the last time. Oh I must have left him a thousand times. But as usual he turned on his charm, and love bombing. And I found myself right back where I started. THAT’S why when you leave a narcissist you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO GO NO CONTACT. No exceptions. Or you WILL end up where you left a thousand times.
So when I finally left him for good, I must admit every emotional aspect of my being was dead. With the exception of anger. I had devised a plan to leave. I put that plan into action. I needed a car. He noticed I was looking for a car, and said I’ll sell you the Mazda for $1000.00 I said ok. I got my income tax and paid him a thousand dollars for that Mazda. That was around the end of February. My plan was in motion. I now have a car and am no longer tied to bus routes and bus schedules for my dedtinations. That was step one. I began looking for an affordable but safe place to live. My son was 13 close to 14 yrs old. I was working a minimum wage job. So I found an all bills paid apartment. I put a deposit on a 1 bdr. Side note. As I stated earlier, the only emotion I was feeling was anger. So EVERY TIME. I left in the car I bought from him, I played the song by Jo Dee Masina “My Give a damn’s Busted. The song was very fitting the lyrics are posted
Well you filled up my head With so many lies. You twisted my heart 'til something snapped inside. I'd like to give it one more try But my give a damn's busted. You can crawl back home Say you were wrong, Stand out in the yard And cry all night long. Go ahead and water the lawn. My give a damn's busted. I really want to care, I want to feel somethin' Let me dig a little deeper... Naw... Sorry... Nothin' You can say you've got issues. You can say you're a victim. It's all your parents fault, I mean, after all you didn't pick 'em Maybe somebody else's got time to listen. My give a damn's busted. Well your therapist says It was all a mistake A product of the prozac And your co-dependent ways So ... who's your enabler these days? My give a damn's busted. I really want to care, I want to feel somethin' Let me dig a little deeper... Naw... Still nothin It's a desperate situation, No tellin' what you'll do. If I don't forgive you, You say your life is through. Come on ... give me somethin' I can use. My give a damn's busted. Well, I really want to care I want to feel somethin' Let me dig a little deeper... Naw, man... Sorry Just nothin' No You've really done it this time (haha) My give a damn's busted.
So as he began to realize I was planning to leave he at first acted lije he didn’t care. Then he started the scare tactics. The classic you’re not going to make it out there by yourself. THEN the classic you’re not going to find someone like me. I didn’t respond to him as I was packing. Then something snapped in me and I had to get some things off my chest. So I told him your scare tactics are not going to work this time. Also I am not looking for anybody I just want to be alone. But if I did find some body I would certainly hope to God he’s NOT like you. I let him know how deeply he hurt me with the mind games, and his 15 years of vengeance against me because I ruined YOUR life because I got pregnant.
It has now been 16 years and 4 months since I left him. With NO CONTACT. Just for the record, I never stopped communication’s between him and our son. Since our son was a bit older and was aware of what was going on I didn’t stop their communication. And NOW 16 years later he tells my son he tried to contact me. However my son knew that was a lie. Because I would have told my son. But he kept pushing the subject and asked for my number. My son told his dad that it’s not a good idea. His dad asked if I was seeing someone. My son always protecting me tells his dad that it’s really none of your concern if she is or is not seeing someone. Now he never gave him my number. My son also knows I NEVER want to see OR talk to him again.
I also know he’s still an alcoholic. He was in fact drinking when he was asking about me. Matter of fact he has 2 specific times in the year that he does this binge drinking. Usually around mid March to late April, and then mid October to late November. Now at this point he’s either late for his March/April binge, or he’s early for his October/November binge because we’re only in August.
He is a part of the reason I am broken. I lived a solitude life when I was with him. I lost all my friends. I didn’t go out unless it was with my family. Mom and Dad. I have a hard time talking to people. Because I spent so many years being discarded, and ignored. I feel like now I am a burden to people. But I am working on it.
But just because my son told me his dad is looking yo talk to me brings back memories I wish I had forgotten. So there’s my blog. Thank you for your time