Covert

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Not openly acknowledged or displayed.

Even people without an extensive knowledge of mental health concerns have likely heard of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

“narcissist” is often used casually to refer to people who don’t necessarily have a diagnosis of narcissism if they appear to have some narcissistic traits, such as grandiose delusions, low empathy, arrogance, and a need for admiration.

Portrayals of characters with narcissism in movies and television have also increased the condition’s notoriety. While depicting characters with mental health issues in the media can help increase awareness, it can also create problems. In the case of narcissism, much of what’s seen in popular culture rests heavily on stereotypes associated with grandiose and malignant narcissism. If people with narcissism aren’t portrayed as outright villains, they’re typically portrayed as toxic or harmful individuals.

If you’ve had a close relationship with someone who has NPD, you might agree that many of these stereotyped traits have truth to them. Still, it’s important to recognize that NPD can occur in varying degrees of severity, occurs on a spectrum, and can present in different ways. As a result, you may not always recognize someone has narcissism, especially if they live with a less-known subtype such as covert (vulnerable) narcissism.

Covert narcissism is also known as shy, vulnerable, or closet narcissism.

Covert narcissism often involves a more internalized experience. People with these traits still feel unappreciated, need admiration, have contempt for those they consider inferior, and believe they should get special treatment. But instead of displaying outward grandiosity, they may privately fantasize about having their special qualities recognized or getting revenge on people they believe have slighted or wronged them in some way.

SIGNS OF COVERT NARCISSISM

Not every person with some or all of the listed traits will have any type of NPD, but the following characteristics may help identify covert narcissism in people who meet criteria for NPD.

  • A reserved or self-effacing attitude
  • Humility or a tendency to put themselves down
  • Smugness or quiet superiority
  • passive aggressive behavior
  • Envy of others and/or feeling that they deserve what other people have
  • A lack of empathy for the feelings or situations of other people
  • A tendency to step in and help others out of a desire for recognition

I chose to blog about the “covert” narcissist because this is the one I have personally dealt with. As a child growing up with a parent “on the spectrum” of narcissistic behavior I never knew what to expect yet knew what would happen. If that makes sense.

There’s a few memories that come to mind as I think back on my childhood. I remember it was my Granny’s birthday and mom made her a cake. Mom told me to carry the cake as we was heading out the door to take the cake to Granny. She told me NOT to drop it. What did I do? I dropped it. THAT was a never ending chastise. She yells at me saying things like why did you drop it? I told you not to drop the cake. Now a quick fast forward my son was in the kitchen making himself a smoothie. ( he was trying a new recipe and was measuring everything per recipe request) he washed the measuring cup, then turned to dry it, but he dropped it in the process. I just happen to be there in the kitchen, I turned around saw the look of disappointed on his face, a kind of sadness because he dropped the measuring glass. A quick flashback of when I dropped something came to me, I looked at my son and asked are you ok? I knew he was barefoot so I said don’t move, I grabbed the broom and dust pan to sweep up the glass. As I was doing it he was beating himself up about dropping the measuring glass. I simply told him it’s just a measuring glass, no big deal. We can replace it. Accidents happen.

Because I know how it feels when you drop something and get yelled at for it, you already feel bad because of a mistake you made, theres no need to add fuel to the shame you already have.

There I go giving in depth explanations on things. I have realized that I tend to do that because of arguments with me trying to explain to mom about my feelings on anything. Or trying to have a productive conversation and find a happy medium in our disagreements. I would spin my wheels trying to get her to at least acknowledge my feelings or thoughts or ideas. I didn’t know THEN what I know now.

I think a part of the reason my mom has narcissistic tendencies is for one, she is the first born. BUT there was some miscarriages before my mom was born. Fortunately I have never had a miscarriage, but I imagine it’s devastating. So when you finally carry full term that baby is so important to you. Although my mom is the first of 6 children. However my mom suffered from asthma as a child growing up. Which leads me to lean towards WHY she has cover narcissistic tendencies. Back in the 40’s and 50’s medicine was no where near as advanced as it is today. Just as an example, when mom had a cholecystectomy they cut her from just under her chest down to the bottom of her stomach. Where as now it’s just 3 little incisions. That’s just one example of how medicne and medical practice has advanced. So back then asthma attacks were more dangerous and scary; and there is no doubt in my mind that when mom got sick with asthma the world according to Granny stopped until mom got through the asthma attack. There for creating the covert narcissist. I mean who doesn’t like being nurtured and cared for, being catered to your every need at the drop of a hat. As a child you enjoy the attention for sure. But unbeknownst to anyone it can create a sense of entitlement. Because that was normal as a child to be catered to. I don’t know if I can articulate this into words but I will do me best. However when a person is ill especially a child of course you as a parent will cater to the sick child. Of course that child will love and enjoy the attention. Now the child is better and things go back to normal. But said child is wanting attention so the child will feign an illness. Trust me if you have a child we all know the tricks of the trade. And I know how it seems like a reach, but understand the covert narcissist is the one who secretly enjoy admiration, they use manipulation, and self pity.

I am in no way saying that’s THE only recipe to the creation of narcissism. There is no direct correlation to any reasoning behind or how a person becomes or is a narcissist.

Ok that’s enough for today. But I leave you with these 2 videos. I thought they was pretty funny

https://simplegifts.gift/160f7f7f27b3a92f7b5431c28eb52878-mp4/
https://simplegifts.gift/b2cda8ed19771b349dd6a8af5668b20e-mp4/

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Narcissistic Parent, or Partner, relationship.

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I have already been fighting rather or not to post this. The title alone gives me anxiety. Because of the thought of being seen. I will push myself to do this blog.

To start with, you absolutely cannot have a mature open “safe” conversation with a narcissist. They hear EVERY word you say, but they never really listen to what you’re trying to convey. Let me give an example. Very early in our merging to all live together, my brother (one of the golden children) had a pretty heavy drinking problem. But before I go on, let me give kudos to him because he has settled down from the drinking and that deserves to be recognized. BUT we was living in apartments; those, like most apartments have rules about loud music and so on. Well I for one don’t like problems. But my brother when he’s drinking, like many others throw caution to the wind. So at one point when my brother slept off the nights liquor I asked him to please stop with the loud music because we will get evicted. His response was he could go live in his truck. So I asked what about mom, aaaaand she just had to interject, by saying ” I’m sorry I’m such a burden to you”

Of course that’s not at all what I was saying, but now the conversation has turned to being about mom, rather than the issue of my brothers drinking. (Gaslighting) Because NO ONE says ANYTHING to her golden child. So she redirects the conversation. And makes it about her.

There are a lot of moving parts when dealing with a narcissist person, but it gets pretty confusing with a parent who has narcissistic tendencies. Because with many of the articles I have came across the narcissistic person would never admit that THEY might be the problem.

There are times when I feel like I have to give in depth detail explaining something, because ( hindsight) I was purposely missunderstood. I realize that I tend to do that in my blogs. I get told that I don’t make any sense. I have been told I’m too sensitive. As long as I can be the butt of the “jokes” it’s all gravy.

There are several types of narcissistic people. So first of all some of the common traits of a narcissistic personality, is a person feels more important than others. They have an unreasonable sense of entitlement.

Overt Narcissist. An overt narcissist is proud of their ability to manipulate and control others.

Covert Narcissist. Covert narcissist are not as open or direct about their means of manipulation. They tend to use methods like, passive-aggressive, or guilt-tripping, or emotional manipulation. For example, a cocert narcissist may manipulate, by putting them down, and deprive them of their emotional needs.

Classic Narcissist. A classic narcissist thrive off of praise and administration of others. They crave being and value being the center of attention.

Vulnerable narcissist. Vulnerable narcissist seek attention by seeking pity from others. They will often guilt-trip the people in their lives to bend to what they want. Their ability to manipulate the thoughts, feelings and actions of others is an ego trip for them. Their behavior tends to be subtle, so it can be difficult to spot the signs. Vulnerable narcissists are considered to be covert narcissist. Their symptoms lie in their subtle manipulative behavior. Their sense of self-worth relies heavily on the attention they get from others. These are just a few of the many types of narcissistic people.

I of course am still learning about narcissism, and the many different types. Still learning and healing from a combination of these types of behavior.

To be honest, once you realize it was never YOU, and you now know what kind of a person you’re dealing with; you seriously need to take a step back, be objective, and decide your self worth, and make a decision rather or not YOU are ok with the way things are happening in that relationship. Because it’s easier to heal from narcissistic abuse IF your not exposed to it constantly. And yes it’s easier to do when it’s a romantic involvement than it is with a parental involvement. Believe you me, I ended up in a 15 year relationship with a narcissistic person. It took me a long time JUST to get the courage to leave, let alone cut all contact.

So I have said enough for now about toxic relationships. You all have a nice day.

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Invading An Introvert

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Invading an introvert who ALWAYS has someone around them can be exhausting to said introvert.

I call myself an introvert, but I didn’t used to be that way. Yes I am a shy person. I’m quiet until I know you, until I get a read on the type of personality you have. I will then act according to your personality.

That being said, I used to think of myself as a fun person. I mean I didn’t act crazy, but I used to be fun to hang out with. But when you’re dealing with a narcissistic parent, who is CONSTANTLY watching your EVERY move, or attitude, if I show that I’m in a good mood I get ” what you so happy about?” So now I do my best to guard my feelings and emotions. Seems this person is most happy when I’m angry or depressed. Now the owner of this duplex we are living in wants to sell it.

We are three adults living in a 3 bdr 2 bth duplex. We basically have two house holds here. Some years back my mom came to live with my brother. They was doing fine. I was still raising my son at the time, so she decided to go live with my brother since he was single. Then my brother lost his job, and wasn’t able to get another one sooooooo they came to live with me and my son. It was to be just until they get on their feet again. But for some reason, my brother wasn’t able to hold a job for any length of time. Long story short its almost 15 years later and we are still together. Mostly because mom is getting up in her years and I don’t feel comfortable with her being alone. Now my brother is working and I am not. So I am staying home taking care of mom. I just pray my brother can hold this job.

So my title is about invading an introvert. So because the owner is putting this place on the market some people came by to take pictures. I hated that because this place is so small, it’s crowded. But it’s crowded with stuff that’s not even used, or broken; but they will not discard ANYTHING. I could make a list of how much stuff is here, that we don’t use. But I won’t These folks are border line hoarders. My brother has 3 storages he’s been paying on for for almost 20 years. He keeps saying he’s going to do something with it. But I would think that after 20 years it’s time to move on. He has at least 2 SUV’s in a storage for why, I don’t know. I used to watch hoarders, but it got to the point you seen one you’ve seen them all, it’s just a matter of what items they’re hoarding. But in watching that fake reality show it was almost always the same psychological issue. And that was abandonment. That’s what made them hoard stuff. Now my brother and I lost our real dad to cancer when I was almost 4 yrs old, my brother was 7 yrs old. My brother says he has memories of dad. He remembers an old tire swing dad used to push us on, along with others. I on the other hand only remember seeing him lying on the floor. I knew he was dead.

I know people deal with traumatic situations in different ways. I really don’t know what my brother was thinking or feeling that day.

I can only speculate what mom was feeling. Now that I’m older, I understand things differently. As a child, I had no choice but to go with the flow so to say. But as I look back on so many events leading up to where I am now. I learned lessons in hindsight rather than in the moment.

One of my things I have been enlightened on is my mom. I love her dearly. But I believe she has narcissistic tendencies if not, a person with narcissistic personality disorder. So my mom has 3 children her oldest is a boy then there’s me (I’m a girl) then nine and a half years later she had my sister with her second husband. But me, well if you let her (mom) tell it, I was her “rebel” child. I was her most challenging child. Which may be true. I did question many of her reasons for not allowing me to do things. Like spend the night over at friends, or cousins house. Why just about anything I wanted to do was ( no ) her only two ansers was ” because I said so, or because I’m your mother”

Being as I feel like I was, and still am her target. I have looked into this type of behavior and personality. Just about every article or book I read; the key take away was leave said narc. Cut off all ties. No contact with this person. That’s a task all in it’s own when you’re in a romantic relationship with a narc. (Been there done that) but not so easy as the child of the narc. Yes you grew up with the abuse of a parent who is a narc. The, never ending battles. And YES they are never ending because anything at anytime you say or do the narc has a memory of said (assault) and will remind you of it ONLY to fuel the fire of a nonsensical argument. JUST to make said narc happy; because now you are upset, angry, or frustrated and THAT’S just what the narc wanted. BUT because this person is your parent you love them. Yes it is a toxic love, it is a toxic parent child relationship. But growing up with another “parent” who was the step dad and a man of faith. He was consistent in everything he said or did. I was taught to honor thy mother and thy father. I wanted to be the good girl soooo I did as my dad told me. I respected my parents as best I could. But I wanted to learn things, understand why the answer was always no. But according to mom I was not honoring her. Because many times when I questioned her reasons it turned into an argument, and the classic ” honor thy mother and father” would get tossed in the mix. Now comes the guilt for questioning the parent.

I think that every child can’t WAIT to grow up. Have their own place and be able to make their own rules in their home. I know I couldn’t wait. But and here comes a hindsight lesson. I wanted to get away from home so bad, I basically made a bad decision and ended up with a narcissistic “boyfriend”. The thing is we tend to migrate to what is familiar to us ( meaning abuse) just in a different form. I know some people think it’s crazy; but there are so many moving parts to this abusive situation that if you’ve not experienced it, or researched ( so to say) most of this will be incomprehensible. ( unless you’re a psychiatrist of some sort)

But that’s a blog for another day. So I was invaded so to say today. Not really because we had made an appointment to have these photos taken so the owner can put it on the market. But due to rain we had to reschedule. We did and TODAY was the day. Now I’m at the table working on my sewing machine. She was fussing about how the house looked nasty. ( it didn’t) it’s just small and cluttered. But that hit a nerve on me. Because when I do reorganize all this stuff, she sees that I did, and she will study the shelves, looking for SOMETHING to ask where it is. Mind you it’s not been used since it was bought years ago, BUT she wants to know where it is. AND it has to be within arms reach. But when she said it ( the house looks nasty) the people for the photos knocked on the door, and instead of addressing mom on the issue, the lady and gentleman received my wrath. I hastily opened the door and said come on in and see our filthy home. I was so upset because of what was said that I took it out on the wrong people, and now I feel bad.

I did a blog on introverts, extroverts and ambiverts. I posed the question asking if people are born to be one of the three, or can they grow into or out of the three. I’m not even sure I am an introvert; but starting to think I have guarded my emotions for so long that fear, anger and or frustration are the only ones that can seep through. If I show excitement, or a sense of feeling happy, I have to explain why I’m in a good mood. Good gawd do you NEED a reason to feel happy, or excited? Most times I try to be accommodating to people, but if I do that in front of mom as soon as those people leave, she lays in on me for something I said, or did. She takes great pleasure in belittling me.

Ok I have vented enough for today.

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Monday Thoughts

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Knowledge, truth, lies. Faith, fear, conspiracy theories, research.

This blog is just some random thoughts I have from time to time. But let me start with the fact that I’ve never paid much attention to politics. I just live my day to day life as best I can with the cards I’ve been dealt.

We are living in scary times. So much is changing at a rapid speed it’s hard to keep up with all of it. In fact you could lose your mind trying to.

If I had to put a time stamp on when this all started I would say it started when Donald J Trump became president. Nobody expected it. I even thought what a joke. Trump running for president. He’s not a politician, he’s a business man, and a reality t.v. personality. What does he know about running a country?

Then he got elected. I was like ok let’s see what he can do. Not that it mattered much, because I never paid attention. I don’t understand foreign policies, not even sure who our allies are. None of that really mattered because for all these years OUR voices didn’t really matter.

Sure from time to time A “President” would give the people what they wanted. But juuuust enough to appease the people. Juuuuust enough to keep that vote for the next election. ONLY to rewrite it so that THEY gain and WE THE PEOPLE lose.

Most times politicians lie. They don’t blatantly lie. No, they mince words. They choose their words carefully and speak them in such a way that they have two meanings.

Soon as Donald J Trump became president, it seemed as if most of the people in “the house” went into a panic. Nancy Pelosi made it her job to impeach him. It looked like that was her ONLY job. Then of course she had her minions trying to dig up dirt on the president. The Russian collusion was a farce. A fake dossier that was paid for. Then there was “abuse of power” also referred to as quid pro quo. And of course let’s not forget about the “insurrection”. I’m sure there are others he’s been accused of that I’ve missed. But you get my point.

Let’s address the Russian situation. You know the one that MSM tried to squash when it was about Hunter Biden. When Hunter was on the board of an oil company. Getting paid over eighty thousand A MONTH. Does Hunter even have experience or knowledge of the oil industry? That question is irrelevant, because people would say Trump has no knowledge of how to run a country but he was president. BUT, at a point when Hunter was on the board there came an investigation, and daddy Biden told someone to fire the investigator. Daddy Biden told the person if you don’t fire said investigator, we’re (obama & Biden) not going to give you the billion dollar loan. Said investigator was fired. THATS ON VIDEO. So the Russian collusion turns out to be Biden and son. But MSM squashed it as quickly as it was leaked. That’s just one if many examples of whats been going on.

But we had 4 years of investigations on THEN president Trump. Not to mention the absolute detestation and pure lies MSM spewed from their networks.

Some of the good President Trump did was lowered our taxes. Placed tariffs where they should have been. Lowered medications. He built the wall, kept illegal immigrants from getting here illegally. Helped the immigrants who came here the right way.

Now let’s fast forward to the Corona virus. Covid-19, China virus, Wuhan virus. Pick a name any name you want to call it. It is a virus. Now I don’t dispute if the virus is real or not. Clearly there is a virus. But I do question if said virus is as deadly as they made it out to be. I also question why there was no influenza cases. Did the flu get replaced by Corona?

Did Covid-19 cause the thousands or millions of deaths that was initially reported? We was lied to from the very start of this “virus” President Trump was right from the beginning. I know people who got said virus. They recovered from the virus, and are doing just fine.

There was so much going on about this virus. They said we needed to wear masks, wash our hands. We need to do this for 2 weeks. Then it was still wear the mask but we need to shut the country down. ONLY ESSENTIAL WORKERS. Restaurants, bars, and small business closed. Walmart,and Grocery stores stayed upen as well as fastfood joints. You know the big corporations. But When President Trump ceased travel from China to United States he was called a xenophobe. Yet we had to close the country for (2 weeks) that turned into a year.

That (2weeks) has done more damage than the people in charge want to admit to. Example, loss of jobs, because small businesses can’t recoup from such a long shut down. Thats the start of mental health going. You start to worry about how you’re going to live without a source of income. Schools getting shutdown now parents have to find daycare if said parent is an ESSENTIAL WORKER. Now the schools are setting up for zoom classes. Children NEED social interaction.

This (2week) year long shut down has caused people to be stressed. People are now angry, hurt, and scared. This is JUST about the virus. I have mentioned the hate MSM showed towards president Trump. Let me give you an example. They push that President Trump is a racist, he supports white supremacy. Now as I’ve said before I never paid attention to politics. Mostly because I didn’t understand a lot of it, but also I was just focusing on surviving. I literally work paycheck to paycheck. I was busy working 2 jobs to make ends meet. I had to on many occasions write a check at the grocery store for a small amount over JUST to have gas money to put in my car to get to work. So all I had time for was sleep until my next shift. I didn’t have time to research current events going on. Then I got laid off in November of 2019. Then came the year 2020. I was going to re invent myself. I was going to school to get a better job mainly because I’m getting too old for manual labor. But also for a better paying job. But we had a (2 week) year long shutdown.

Because of said shutdown I had time on my hands. I started doing some crafting to keep myself and my mom occupied. My mom is an overthinker. She will think about something and create non existing problems. Plus I was trying to keep her from watching so much NEWS! But, one day she was watching t.v. and President Trump was giving us an update as far as whats going on with this virus. So I listened to him speak. That was his infamous speech when he told everyone to drink bleach, or some type if disinfectant. That became the argument for anyone who was for Trump. The apposing antiTrumper would say just go drink some bleach.

But that’s not what President Trump said at all. But MSM took it and ran with it. Not to mention that’s not the first or only misleading information MSM has put out there on President Trump. So because NOW I have time I started researching past presidents and speeches. I started comparing how MSM treated past presidents and how they reported on past presidents speeches. There was a lot of information to process. A lot of things had to be filtered through. But one thing I noticed was narratives.

Now it seems to me there is a goal here. I’m not 100% sure what exactly that goal is, but it seems like they have been trying to have a one world order. As it stands America is a free country. We have our rights written into a constitution. That is sacred and protected. Now I honestly don’t know about other countries. But it seems to me a certain group of people have been chipping away at said constitution. For years words are being RE defined to meet a narrative.

But let’s get back to the MSM with their lies and misinformation. As far as President Trump telling people to drink disinfectant that is CLEARLY not what he said or meant. However there is something with ultraviolet light used to disinfect the body. This is what President Trump was talking about. Ultraviolet germicidal irradiation is a disinfection method that uses short-wavelength ultraviolet light to kill or inactivate microorganisms by destroying nucleic acids and disrupting their DNA, leaving them unable to perform vital cellular functions. But MSM will say this. President Trump now says to drink bleach in order to get rid of the virus.

They have called him a racist, xenophobe, and says he not only supports white supremacy but that he himself is a white supremacist. All lies. He has denounced racism on many occasions. There was an incident in Charlottesville. This was in the time frame when I was still working, so I basically was informed of what happened. I seen only “key speaking” points of that incident. And yes the way MSM reported it, it looked like he was supporting the neo nazi group. HOWEVER once I decided to go back and research what REALLY happened or what was ACTUALLY said it was NOT the truth MSM reported. They edited his speech he made about Charlottesville incident. They edited it so it looks like he said they was good people. If people would take the time to resesrch. But the thing about that is, most people don’t have that time. Because they are working. And because they are working they rely in news outlets to get information.

Last summer there was a serious incident that happened and the WHOLE WORLD knew about it. Now there’s a lot to be said here. We all know about George Floyd. I want to make it clear THAT WAS A TERRIBLE SITUATION. I feel bad for the way he died. But because of that, for months we had riots. From those riots there was a lot of innocent people killed. Businesses was destroyed cities was set on fire. So much distruction in the name of racism. But is it really racism? This is a very sensitive topic. However most people have a Facebook account, and FB likes to remind you of a memory, something you posted a year a go, and then you look back on that memory, and there’s other memories. So one thing I noticed on this race war is… Race only seems to matter every 4 years. Ok stay with me here. Obama was elected on 2008, and re elected in 2012. If racism was a problem, why didn’t Obama address it? There are no laws in the books today that says you can’t because…. The truth is ANYBODY and EVERYBODY has an opportunity to be successful. However I wanted to point out that last year in July 4th 2020 President Trump went to Mount Rushmore and gave a speech to celebrate the 4th of July. News outlets called it despicable, said he was fueling white supremacy. But I looked to see what other presidents went to the same place, and Bill Clinton went there at one point. The news outlets THEN called it majestical, and praised it. Do the research your self. I am not making this up. That’s just a small bit on this race war.

I haven’t even started on this “insurrection”

Before we get to that, lets talk about how the left referred to last summers “protests” as MOSTLY PEACEFUL. Or lets talk about how Kamala set up an account to bail the protesters out of jail when they was arrested. Why was the protesters never referred to as terrorist? Now here we are a year later. Where are the leaders of BLM? Where did the 90 plus million dollars go? Did they put that money back into the black communities? Did the build better ANYTHING in said communities? Has ANYBODY from those communities benefited from those donations? One of the founders Patrisse Khan-Cullors recently purchased a home to the amount of 1.4 million dollars. That was in the NEW YORK POST. From the post it said the home was purchased in a predominantly white neighborhood. This group has proudly announced that they are a Marxist group. But if black lives really do matter, then why does BLM turn a blind eye when a black child is kilked by a stray bullet? Why are we NOT saying the names of these children killed by another black person. I do agree that black lives matter. But it CAN’T only be when an officer is involved. It has to matter ALL the time. EVEN when it’s black on black crime.

Now on this supposed insurrection. I watched the talks on rather or not to impeach him yet again. I found it interesting. There is so much to say here. When the left made their arguments they did the same thing MSM does. They edited the film. Showed only pieces of what President Trump said. They cut out the parts that didn’t fit their narrative. Of course when the defense made their argument, they played each edited part in it’s entirety.

This entire blog is written in hopes that people will read it and begin to question everything in recent events and begin to really look into how things are. It is in hopes that people will stop watching MSM and stop being told how to feel or how to think. It is in hopes that they will open their minds and pay attention to what’s being told, and how it’s being portrayed. News outlets need to quit playing on people’s emotions, and we as a people need to separate emotions and focus on logic. We need to get the full information before we react. There is so much more I could blog about, but for now I will leave it at this. I do hope it will make you stop and think and question these current events with an open mind.

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Mental Awareness

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Mental health’ and ‘mental illness’ are increasingly being used as if they mean the same thing, but they do not. Everyone has mental health, just like everyone has health.

There is no health without mental health.” In the course of a lifetime, not all people will experience a mental illness, but everyone will struggle or have a challenge with their mental well-being (i.e., their mental health) just like we all have challenges with our physical well-being from time to time.

When we talk about mental health, we’re talking about our mental well-being: our emotions, our thoughts and feelings, our ability to solve problems and overcome difficulties, our social connections, and our understanding of the world around us.

A mental illness is an illness the affects that way people think, feel, behave, or interact with others. There are many different mental illnesses, and they have different symptoms that impact peoples’ lives in different ways.

The brain is a fascinating organ. There is so much STILL to be learned about the brain. The brain controls all functions of the body, interprets information from the outside world, and embodies the essence of the mind and soul.

A curiosity I have is…. Do we control our brain, or does our brain control us?

The brain is an organ but the mind isn’t. The brain is the physical place where the mind resides. The mind is the manifestations of thought, perception, emotion, determination, memory and imagination that takes place within the brain. Mind is often used to refer especially to the thought processes of reason.

With all that being thought out. How do we know with certain types of mental illnesses, that medication is what’s needed? I don’t hold a lot of trust in doctors in general. The health care system seems to be more of a business rather than to actually help. On a personal note, I had a friend who had an outgoing personality, she was beautiful, inside and out. She was a joy to be around. Then at one point she moved, we lost contact and then years later she’s back. But now she’s different. Physically she had put on a substantial amount of weight. Her personality had changed. She was not as energetic as she once was. She told me she fell in love and it didn’t work out, then fell into depression. And now she’s on medication. (When I met her she already had a daughter and now she a young adult) at the time I was working at Krogers. So she asked me if I could pick up her medication for her. I did and I remember it was on a Saturday and her daughter came to my house to retrieve it. Then the next thing I know Sunday morning her daughter came knocking on my door to tell me her mom passed away. I was in shock. We sat and talked I naturally asked her what happened? She said she didn’t know, she went out with her boyfriend and when she came home her mom was “unresponsive” She said the only thing she can think is she kept taking her pills and overdosed. Now this has been years ago maybe 25 years if I had to put a time stamp on it. But it makes me question the fact of all the side effects of that medication, DID it help her depression? Or did it make it worse? I don’t know what medication she was on, but I do know it was for depression.

Which brings me back to the brain and it’s complexity. The way the brain process’s information. The way the mind and brain are two different entities in the same. The brain recieves the information, but the mind decides what to do, or how to feel.

So that’s my thought for todays blog. Remember to please take a look at my little shop. Ask questions if interested in something. Thank you for your time.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

We Honor You Today.

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To all of our veterans
Far and near.
We thank you for your service
For all those years.

You sacrificed your time,
And some gave your life.
You preserved our freedom
By willingly paying the price.

Many of you
Were sent overseas.
You were wounded in battle,
With scars and disease.

But courageous and brave,
You weathered the storm.
You faced every battle
With faith and beyond.

We honor you with joy
For all that you’ve done.
You stood strong for our country,
For our daughters and sons.

So no one stands alone,
We walk hand in hand.
Remember, we are with you.
Together we shall stand.

We salute you today.
Hear what we say.
Let our words speak eloquently
In this special way.

On this day,
Let us express our love and thanks
For the sacrifice you paid.
You served in honor
For many years and days,
And we will never forget
How you were strong and brave.

Someone’s child, left long ago,
A strange land,
Someone’s foe.

An unmarked grave, fields of green,
Resting quiet,
Just eighteen.

Winds of freedom, wash us now,
Remember him,
This I vow.

God Is Always In Control.

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I have mentioned in other posts that I believe in God. I still stand with that belief.

I’m going to start at the beginning. First week in May late Wednesday night some thieves stole my brothers catalytic converter. My brother called the police to make a report. Turns out a few other people on our street had the same thing happen to them. Fast forward to Tuesday 5/25 some time during the night they took his truck. Now that truck is an old 2000 service truck. He was on his way out the door taking out the trash as he usually does on trash day and his truck his gone. I told my brother chances are, your truck is on the Southside stripped for parts, and your tools will be in several different pawn shops. All over Houston.

When something like that happens you feel violated, and helpless. You feel anger. So many thoughts and emotions run through your mind.

My brothers job is a good hour to an hour and a half drive. Mom has a vehicle my dad left for her when he passed. I use that for her doctors appointments and run errands for her. So the idea of taking my brother to work is not so simple. Just for the drive alone. Moms vehicle already has over 200,000 miles on it.

But that same day the police did find his truck in a ditch on the Southside. The police had it towed to a lot on Hardy and Crosstimbers which is about 20 to 30 minites from where we live.

Now my brother had to pay to get it out, which that sucks, because it was stolen. He didn’t abandon the vehicle. He wasn’t doing something to get arrested to have it towed. But he has to pay. But as unfair as it feels, the blessing here is, the truck was found, it was NOT stripped, his tools was still tucked away in the compartments of the truck. They did however take his front license plate. In essence this turned out to be a big inconvenience. Yet I still feel grateful that he recovered his truck and his tools.

Yes I prayed about it. I talked to God. And he does hear us. God works in mysterious ways. God does speak to us, he just speaks softly. That’s why, when you pray, you should be in a quiet place. I’m not talking about those quick little prayers when your gas tank is almost on E and you just need to make one more day to get to work, or that quick prayer for your favorite team to win.

I have to say there was a time when I believe with my quick prayer, we was saved by the grace of God. Not to mention my dad was a man of strong faith. This was years ago. I was 12 or 13 years old. Just for the record…I live in Texas, Texas is known for having tornadoes just pop up from nothing. At that time I shared my room and my bed with my granny. So in the dead of night came a tornado. Power was knocked out. I also should mention that I have a phenomenal strong fear of the dark. When I can’t see, I start to feel a numbness come over me. But I fight THAT feeling to be able to flee the dark some how. So in dead of night the tornado rips through our neighborhood. The lights go out, I jump up out of bed and make a beline around my bed to open my bedroom door. BUT here’s the thing it’s still dark and I still can’t see, but when I got my bedroom door open I seen the image of Jesus. I saw his face looking at me, I reached to grab him and he was gone. Now by this time every body is out of their rooms and we are all gathered in the living room. I was sitting on the couch, and just as quick as the tornado came, it left. I was sitting on the couch hearing the calm AFTER the storm and I just started crying.

Mom looks over at me and laughing she asked me why was I crying now the storm is gone. I told her I wasn’t crying because of the storm, I’m crying because I saw Jesus. She laughed it off. But the thing is, once daylight broke the whole neighborhood was outside assessing their damages. Their was some minor damages. The houses accross the street had trees uprooted, some windows busted out, and a few other things, the houses behind us same just some minor damages. But tell me why the side of the street we lived on seemingly had no damage. No trees uprooted, no busted out windows, just small branches from trees in general. In my heart I know it was Jesus presence that put a hedge of protection around us.

So that is just one of many reasons I believe in God, and I believe God is always in control.

So that being said I am thankful things worked out like they did. And yes I am STILL going to post my links, with hopes of making a sale, or at least some type of an engagement. People asking me about what I can offer.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

Thieves In The Night

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This is me on the left my brother in the middle and my little sister on the right.

Let me just say my brother who is a vet is the MOST annoying person in the world to me, but this guy would give the shirt off his back to help a stranger. He’s the guy heading southbound on the freeway, see someone on the other side broke down and will exit the freeway and get back on tge other direction to see if he can help.

I am so frustrated right now. We are a humble family trying to eak out a living.

Although it feels like most often we are spinning our wheels. But we have been able to keep a roof over our head, food on the table, you know the bare necessities. We don’t care to keep up with the newest trends, or the newest model vehicle, or even the newest smart phone. All we want to do is live and let live.

A few weeks ago sometime in the middle of the night some thieves came into out neighborhood and stole my brothers catalytic converter. Of course he calls the police to make a report. We know theres not much that can be done, but at least theres a report on paper. Now today 5/26/2021 he’s on his way out the door to go to work, and HIS TRUCK IS GONE! But it’s not JUST that the truck is gone, it’s also that all his tools was in that truck. He’s a mechanic by trade. The truck itself was an old service truck. So old no insurance company would insure it for full coverage. But the tools they are expensive as well. These tools was locked up in his compartments on the truck. That’s thousands of dollars in his tools alone, that he of course bought little by little.

I mean we are already struggling to servive this cold world, and then you got these flipping thieves that come in the middle of the night and just take things.

Crime has gone up astronomically. The police hands are tied. You have a group of people who want to defund the police. This same group of people are the ones who support criminals. When I feel like they’re really just mad because their criminal lifestyle has been caught up with.

I feel that crime is out of control BECAUSE of defund the police. These thieves now feel protected. Let me clarify one thing BECAUSE of a certain event that happened last summer is the reason crime is like it is now. I will say this, and I firmly believe that officer did not need to hold his knee on his neck. The “subject” was already in handcuffs. He was no longer a threat. But for that officer’s actions along with race baiters we have basically anarchy. The fact is today all you read about is gun violence, car jackings, and business being robbed. Not to mention when or if the police catch said criminal and arrest them, they get out on bond.

Ok I’m just so frustrated. My brother is a vet, he don’t deserve this kind of treatment. But now we need to focus on getting him a vehicle to be able to get to work AND be able to replace his tools.

So please if you can share this, so people can maybe purchase items and we can try to get him a vehicle. I will be working on other options to get donations anything is much appreciated.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

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I Hurt When I Look at You: A Poem About Mother and Daughter

It hurts when I look at you

You chin raised so high

So full of self-virtue

You don’t hear my cry

Your eyes full of judgement

As you survey around

Your lips spill your disappointment

As my confidence you pound

Your words so critical

Delivered with a smile

Your opinion of me brutal

Your own child you revile

For years I have tried

To earn more than your love

Needing your friendship, respect and pride

And receiving none of the above

Locked together by blood

Our family ties tight

What should be ours sacred

Has been killed by the never-ending fight

So please believe me when I say

That our time has reached its end

I never meant for it to be this way

But my life I’m no longer willing to defend

I miss what we could have had

But it was only a dream

I like my life good or bad

And no longer look to gain your esteem

It hurts when you look at me

Wanting to be close

And knowing we never will be

Not mother and daughter… now only foes

Here’s another poem I came across. The writer touched on every aspect of having a narcissistic parent.

When you don’t understand, or don’t know what narcissism is, you will forever spin your wheels trying to appease a narcissistic person. It’s difficult for a child to even comprehend what is going on. Not to mention that it is so very damaging to a child growing up in that environment. That child will grow up confused. To say the least.

I have JUST recently delved into reading and researching about Narcissistic personality disorder. Let me just say it is rather complicated. Because first and foremost a narcissistic person would NEVER admit there might be a problem with them. No no no! It will ALWAYS be the other persons fault.

As far as reading up on this subject. I have learned a few tricks. I have responded differently towards this person. Which has helped with having fewer full blown arguments. Because bottom line is you will NEVER win an argument (debate) with a narcissistic person. That is their passion to argue. They love to argue so they can say mean hurtful things to belittle you, and discard you. ( for the time being) Then they shower you with love JUST enough for you to let your guard down. ALL the while filling away all your responses and trigger points back into their memory bank, ONLY to use it against you in the next attack.

Having that happen to you as a child really wreaks havoc on the mind. But that’s another topic.

In my reading and learning on narcissism, I have noticed that most of my reading ALWAYS says to leave that person. Cut all ties with said person. Don’t answer phone calls, texts, or email. Even if said person sends you a card or letter through tge mail simply write return to sender. DO NOT open. And yes that’s what you do if your leaving a narcissistic partner. But it’s not that easy if you have a narcissistic parent. That parent will get older and need your help. My conscious will not allow me to abandoned her. She drives my absolutely batty at times. But she is my mom and I love her.

I know this is part of my problem. I can fix what ever is wrong. I think that’s a part of being raised by a narcissistic parent. We are constantly seeking validation from that parent. We or at least I did, became obsessed with getting a genuine complement. Some sort of validation from her. That’s enough for today. Whew this was not an easy thing to do.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30