The Virus

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What a month I have had. So to start with August 14, my son was vistiting me like he does every weekend. But this Sunday morning I detected he wasn’t feeling well. Of course we both just figured it was sinuses flairing up. However after he left to go home, he ended up coming back to my house because there was some issues with some neighbors being loud over at his place. Somebody’s birthday or something. He has always had sleep issues ALL his life. I remember when he was young, if this child fell asleep in the car on the way to the store, if he just got a little cat nap it was like he was fully charged and could go another 16 hours. So I would do things like tell to look for the elephant, or lion, or ANY type of animal in the sky, JUST to keep him awake. I learned that if I woke him up early, let him spend his energy he would sleep at night. Then came kindergarten. They had a flipping NAP time because state law requires kindergarten students take a nap. However I spoke with his teacher and said he cannot have a nap. She asked what did I suggest during nap time. We got that settled, but I always knew if there was a substitute, because he woukd be awake untill 2 or 3 in the morning. I took him to school the next day and asked if there was a substitute, and the teacher said yes I was out yesterday, why do you ask? I explained that my son was awake until the early morning. The school apparently didn’t realize how vital it was that he not have a nap. To be honest, I think he had a mild case of hyper activity. However as a parent I was consistent with him. He knew if he acted out of line there would be consequences. Because I did not want to put him on medication.

So fast forward to now he’s a grown man. (gawd he grew too fast) He has always needed complete dark and silence to go to sleep. But you cannot control what other people do. So he came back here. I think it’s really because he’s not feeling well, but he did go to work that Monday, he said he felt worse, but would try to make it. Then he seen his girlfriend and she told him she wasn’t feeling well either. Long story short she went and took tge covid test, it came back positive. So he decided to take the test and yep positive as well. Now I never went to get tested, however because they have it I naturally assumed I got it.

Now here’s the concern. Y’all all know I take care of my elderly mother who has asthma/COPD amongst other health problems. I was so scared she was going to get it. However we took major precautions. We, my son and I stayed in one room for the most part. When we came out of the room we carried lysol and sprayed the areas we was in. We NEVER came out of the room without a mask on, and we never came out if anybody was in the front of the house.

Now that being said. Having the virus was like having a winter cold for my son and myself. We had a few days of your typical body aches. But mostly we was fatigued. We slept a lot. My son had told me he couldn’t taste or smell anything. Then I noticed I couldn’t smell or taste anything. In fact the only thing I could almost taste was grapes. And to be honest THAT was the MOST frustrating part of the virus. Not being able to smell or taste. It remined me of a movie I seen I can’t remember the title, but there was a guy who was an alcoholic. In the movie he couldn’t get his thirst quenched. He literally drank himself to death because he couldn’t get the thirst quenched. I think it was from the movie Hell Raiser you know the old movie with pinhead. But I’m not sure. Any way, it kind of felt like that. Because we wanted food, but we didn’t enjoy it because we couldn’t taste it or smell it.

During that time my son and I are sick, my mom is doing things like cooking, baking, and cleaning up the kitchen. Then after 10 days my son goes back to retest and it came back negative. YAY! However we still couldn’t smell or taste. We had a little jar of vics vapor rub. We used that for our smell test. Then little by little our taste and smell came back. Now I feel lije we are back to our normal selves again. We can smell and taste. But that is certainly not something I woukd want to go through again. It’s so wierd to not smell or taste. But the fact that nothing computes when you attempt to smell something it’s just blank.

So finally things get back to sort of normal, my son went back to work Wednesday after labor day. BUT now my mom is in pain. She’s telling me her stomach and back is hurting her. So on Tuesday the day right after labor day we visited an urgent care. We spent 5 hours there because they did all kinds of lab work. They diagnosed her with gastritis. Gave her a prescription for Pepcid AC. Then come Saturday she was still in pain and wanted to go to another ER because she didn’t like the previous diagnosis. Long story short same diagnosis. I tried to explain to her that when I was sick, and you doing all that cooking, you may have over exerted youself. Because I was doing everything. All she had to do was relax. Even when I was working, I came home and took care of cooking dinner and cleaning. So that 2 weeks I was sick she did too much and hurt herself.

I also know a part of this act is because she don’t want me to go back to work. She does not like being alone. I wished my ecommerce would have done well, but I just couldn’t get it off the ground.

Well there’s my blog. Enjoy. And heres my links if interested

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://simplegiftshere.company.site

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I can’t think of a title right now. Maybe one will come to me as I write my thoughts down. I know I have not blogged in just over a week. However I was processing some information. Let me try and explain.

First off anyone who reads my blogs know that my son and I are close. People will call him a mama’s boy, and he will look you dead in your eyes and with absolute pride say “Damn right I am.” He has no shame about his love and respect for me. But in general most people haven’t seen how our relationship was formed. There are a lot of moving parts. I also know things could have been worse. That being said, my son and I have been through a lot. To start with, his dad wanted me to abort him. His dad was upset because HIS life is over now. He didn’t want to have kids, AND it’s MY fault that I got pregnant. So in short I told his dad that I was having this child WITH, or WITHOUT you. You can walk away now and we never have to speak again. He decided to stay with me. However had I known THEN what I know now, decisions would have been different. First, I still would NOT have gotten an abortion. But secondly I woukd not have wasted 15 years trying to build a relationship and a family with this VENGEFUL person. He only stayed to make MY life hell because I wouldn’t have an abortion. I know, you folks who are actually reading this are probably thinking that I’m the one who is a narcissist. But in reality I am the empath. Yes he stayed, but it was like we was roommates. We didn’t do anything as a family. Lime go to the park, or the beach, or go out to eat from time to time. No he worked I stayed home and took care of our child. Normal to a point. He gave me an “allowance” of thirty dollars. That was to by groceries, and do laundry. We lived in apartments that did not offer washer/dryer hook ups. So here I am “playing” house. Now in my mind I was thinking he would soon see how loyal I am, and the fact that I truly do love him, that he would start to see his life is not ruined. I honestly thought we could work this out. But unrequited love is just that. Little did I know it would never be. It took me 15 years of (mostly emotional) abuse, to realise he will never (at the very least) respect me. Let alone love me. He is incapable of love.

In short I finally left him for the last time. Oh I must have left him a thousand times. But as usual he turned on his charm, and love bombing. And I found myself right back where I started. THAT’S why when you leave a narcissist you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO GO NO CONTACT. No exceptions. Or you WILL end up where you left a thousand times.

So when I finally left him for good, I must admit every emotional aspect of my being was dead. With the exception of anger. I had devised a plan to leave. I put that plan into action. I needed a car. He noticed I was looking for a car, and said I’ll sell you the Mazda for $1000.00 I said ok. I got my income tax and paid him a thousand dollars for that Mazda. That was around the end of February. My plan was in motion. I now have a car and am no longer tied to bus routes and bus schedules for my dedtinations. That was step one. I began looking for an affordable but safe place to live. My son was 13 close to 14 yrs old. I was working a minimum wage job. So I found an all bills paid apartment. I put a deposit on a 1 bdr. Side note. As I stated earlier, the only emotion I was feeling was anger. So EVERY TIME. I left in the car I bought from him, I played the song by Jo Dee Masina “My Give a damn’s Busted. The song was very fitting the lyrics are posted

Well you filled up my head
With so many lies.
You twisted my heart
'til something snapped inside.
I'd like to give it one more try
But my give a damn's busted.
You can crawl back home
Say you were wrong,
Stand out in the yard
And cry all night long.
Go ahead and water the lawn.
My give a damn's busted.
I really want to care,
I want to feel somethin'
Let me dig a little deeper...
Naw...
Sorry...
Nothin'
You can say you've got issues.
You can say you're a victim.
It's all your parents fault,
I mean, after all you didn't pick 'em
Maybe somebody else's got time to listen.
My give a damn's busted.
Well your therapist says
It was all a mistake
A product of the prozac
And your co-dependent ways
So ... who's your enabler these days?
My give a damn's busted.
I really want to care,
I want to feel somethin'
Let me dig a little deeper...
Naw...
Still nothin
It's a desperate situation,
No tellin' what you'll do.
If I don't forgive you,
You say your life is through.
Come on ... give me somethin' I can use.
My give a damn's busted.
Well, I really want to care
I want to feel somethin'
Let me dig a little deeper...
Naw, man...
Sorry
Just nothin'
No
You've really done it this time (haha)
My give a damn's busted.

So as he began to realize I was planning to leave he at first acted lije he didn’t care. Then he started the scare tactics. The classic you’re not going to make it out there by yourself. THEN the classic you’re not going to find someone like me. I didn’t respond to him as I was packing. Then something snapped in me and I had to get some things off my chest. So I told him your scare tactics are not going to work this time. Also I am not looking for anybody I just want to be alone. But if I did find some body I would certainly hope to God he’s NOT like you. I let him know how deeply he hurt me with the mind games, and his 15 years of vengeance against me because I ruined YOUR life because I got pregnant.

It has now been 16 years and 4 months since I left him. With NO CONTACT. Just for the record, I never stopped communication’s between him and our son. Since our son was a bit older and was aware of what was going on I didn’t stop their communication. And NOW 16 years later he tells my son he tried to contact me. However my son knew that was a lie. Because I would have told my son. But he kept pushing the subject and asked for my number. My son told his dad that it’s not a good idea. His dad asked if I was seeing someone. My son always protecting me tells his dad that it’s really none of your concern if she is or is not seeing someone. Now he never gave him my number. My son also knows I NEVER want to see OR talk to him again.

I also know he’s still an alcoholic. He was in fact drinking when he was asking about me. Matter of fact he has 2 specific times in the year that he does this binge drinking. Usually around mid March to late April, and then mid October to late November. Now at this point he’s either late for his March/April binge, or he’s early for his October/November binge because we’re only in August.

He is a part of the reason I am broken. I lived a solitude life when I was with him. I lost all my friends. I didn’t go out unless it was with my family. Mom and Dad. I have a hard time talking to people. Because I spent so many years being discarded, and ignored. I feel like now I am a burden to people. But I am working on it.

But just because my son told me his dad is looking yo talk to me brings back memories I wish I had forgotten. So there’s my blog. Thank you for your time

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

Gas Lighting

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Gas lighting is a phrase that I dispise. I dispise when the person gas lighting me tries to tell me what I seen, or heard. That is a form of emotional abuse. The fact that they make you question your reality. Gaslighting is a narcissist best weapon. It keeps their victim confused, and unsure of what’s really happening.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that can happen to anyone, especially in romantic relationships.  Additionally, the effects of gaslighting may make it even harder for the victim to leave an abusive relationship as they may not even realize it’s happening.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that can happen to anyone, especially in romantic relationships. 

Additionally, the effects of gaslighting may make it even harder for the victim to leave an abusive relationship as they may not even realize it’s happening.

1. “That never happened.”

Gaslighting often causes the victim to doubt themselves. Someone will do or say something abusive and then deny that it ever happened, says psychotherapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Tina B Tessinaina, PhD, in private practice.

“The victim starts questioning [their] instincts and relies more and more on the ‘reality’ that gets created and manipulated by the abuser. It also heightens a sense of dependency on the abuser,” says Tessina. 

You’re too sensitive.”

This is a phrase used by gaslighters to minimize and invalidate the victim’s feelings. If the victim tries to express hurt or disappointment, the gaslighter may tell them that they are making a big deal out of nothing.The intent is to make you feel stupid for even trying to stand up for yourself. Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to put up with the abusive behavior and stay in the relationship,” says Tessina.

“You have a terrible memory.” This is another common phrase gaslighters use to make victims doubt themselves. Of course, everybody experiences trouble with recalling certain details, but Tessina says gaslighters will make their victim doubt their memory as a whole, spanning a multitude of situations

They do this because getting a victim to question themselves is at the core of gaslighting. When a victim no longer trusts their assessments, the abuser is in complete control,” says Tessina. 

These are just a few examples of gaslighting and why it’s done. The one about the terrible memory is the one that has been pushed onto me.

Well dang my mind has shut down for now. So I’m going to get busy. Y’all have a great day

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Constant Criticism

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Ever notice some people are constantly criticizing you? There may be one person in particular you know will criticize you. You can in fact feel it coming because the eyes of said criticizer is burning a whole through you.

Let me just say when you get criticism from people in general it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Constructive criticism is fine. There’s a difference between constructive criticism and criticism JUST to belittle a person. I actually enjoy having a discussion that’s constructive criticism we can brain storm ideas off of each other.

But when you have some one constantly criticizing you, it can make things a little difficult. Now y’all know I’m gonna give an example. Ready? Ok here we gooooooo

So the other day I was cooking dinner, mom says I bet Robert would like some biscuits with this meal. My initial response was oh my goodness we already got 2 eyes going, and NOW you wanna turn the oven on?!

We are in the middle of summer and here in Texas humidity is so high here and the heat I try to cook as little as possible

But I decided to make them. Not because she said my brother would like some, but because I knew SHE really wanted a biscuit. So I grab an iron skillet, and she grabbed the shortening from the pantry. Now I reach into the shortening and grab a small handful to coat the skillet. As I’m coating the skillet, I here her say “goodness, that’s a lot!” I gave her the side eye, she says “I know, you don’t want me in here watching you huh” I responded with I don’t mind that you’re in here, I just don’t need you criticizing my every move. She didn’t say too much, but she did question my methods on making the biscuits. And make remarks about how others make their biscuits. So we made it through the biscuits fiasco. And when dinner was done, surprisingly she complimented my biscuits. I was shocked, but not sure if she’s starting the love bombing thing again, or if the complement is sincere.

While that was just one example of criticism to lower your self esteem, there are other forms of criticism that hurt as well. The way you drive, there is a constant, why are you driving around this bend so fast? Don’t you think you’re a little close to that car in front? OMG ARE YOU GOING TO STOP?!

While these are all an attempt to emotionally, and mentally abuse you for there enjoyment. YOU CANNOT TAKE IT TO HEART! You have to tell yourself YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are good ENOUGH.

Ok I blogged there you go. Read it, I hope you enjoyed it, but more so go look at my links

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

This One

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The very thing that distinguishes us both is that I wouldn’t hesitate to choose you in every lifetime. But you wouldn’t even choose me in this one. And although I gave you my flesh and bones, I know I cannot love you into loving me. So there you are overflowing with my love, and here I am pleading for a droplet of yours or whatever I could Salvage. But there must come a time where you recognize that to grieve someone hurts a lot less than forcing them to be a part of you. And I know I should not beg for love, but I just want wanted someone to be afraid of losing me.

Trauma Bond

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Did you know trauma bond makes you physcologically addicted to abuse and it explains why when you go NO CONTACT feels like you’re coming of a drug. It also explains why men and women are attracted to narcissistic partners.

This is probably why I stay single. I know I can’t trust myself. Kind of like an addict, if you take one drink, you’re right back to drinking again. That goes for anything you’re addicted to, be it alcohol, cigarettes, meth, you name it, if you take it ONE MORE TIME your hooked. That’s why it’s dangerous for an empath to connect with a narcissist. I think that because as an empath we don’t take pleasure in hurting people. We always want to lift them, make them feel worthy, because we know the feeling of worthlessness.

To be honest, if you find yourself in a relationship with an empath, you better take a step back and really look at what you have. Because an empath will go above and beyond to keep things working. An empath will move mountains, to meet your demands. But if that empath walks out of your life, just know he/she is gone. Because you finally broke him/her. This person has ran out of reasons to keep trying.

  • Ignorance of abusive tactics. Most people are conditioned to believe that abuse requires some sort of physical mark and only happens to uneducated people. But there are seven categories of abuse: physical, emotional, verbal, mental, sexual, financial, and spiritual. And most studies show that abuse is prevalent in all socioeconomic groups, cultures, intelligence levels, and ages. Thinking that It cant happen to me, is the easiest way to fall prey to an abusive person.
  • Attractive abuser. Narcissists are famous for looking good in front of others with their charming personality and attractive appearance. During the initial engagement with a narcissist, they tend to become everything the other person is looking for in a partner. They love bomb the person with generous amounts of affection, attention, and gifts. The prospective partner believes this is the real person. But it is not and this shell game can only last so long which is why they move the relationship very quickly into something more permanent.
  • Initial angry outbursts. In the beginning, when the narcissist explodes, it seems so out of character. So the partner easily accepts the narcissistic explanation of blame shifting as an excuse for their behavior. Slowly, the narcissist starts to criticize their partner by saying, You made me so mad. The partner, desperately wanting things to return back to the initial encounters molds themselves into whatever the narcissist says they need. Unfortunately, one transformation is not enough and the narcissist begins to demand more and more.
  • It becomes addictive. The harder it is to please the narcissist, the harder the partner tries. Achieving some small token of gratification becomes a drug of sorts. The partner gets a high out of obtaining even small amounts of the love bombing from before. It is no different than an addiction to a drug. The first trip is the best and every one after that fails by comparison yet the person is hooked so they keep trying over and over. The partner becomes unable to see their own fall in this downward spiral.
  • Addictions have rewards and consequences. The reward of addiction (in this case pleasing the narcissist) is a release of the happy hormone dopamine. This feeling of euphoria can make a person feel they can do anything. By contrast, the consequence of an addiction (when the narcissist becomes abusive) is a flooding of the stress hormone cortisol. This puts a person in fight, flight, freeze, or faint mode and diminishes a persons ability to think straight. It takes a good 36-72 hours for a person to recover fully from this hormone.
  • The addiction is hidden from the addict. Because the partner is not taking a drug, it is very hard to identify that they are even caught in an addictive cycle. This is why the abuse fog becomes so dense and the person is unable to see what is happening. Even when confronted by others outside of the relationship, they still struggle to see what is occurring. Plus, the narcissist tends to isolate the partner from anyone and everyone who might be a threat to them. This makes leaving even harder.
  • Inability to detach. Even when the partner wakes up and tries to leave, the narcissist pulls them back with promises of returning things to the former existence. Because the narcissist has an intense fear of abandonment, they cannot allow a person close to them to leave. And they will do, say, and fake anything they need to just to keep their partner in the relationship. The mask of the narcissists former self comes out again but once again, it is short lived. As soon as the partner has returned, the mask is smashed as the partner is even more ensnared.
  • Addicted to the mask. Even when times get bad, the addiction to the mask of the narcissist is so strong now after all of the reinforcement. The fear that life can never be as good without the mask of the narcissist traps the partner into staying. Just the thought of leaving again causes panic attacks, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. The darker a person gets, the harder it is to take action to leave which is exactly what bonds them to the narcissist.

Let me just say it is difficult to leave. There are a lot of moving parts. Fear, anxiety, failure, just to name a few will dance around in your head. When and IF you do leave, you will feel like it was better with the narcissist, because that’s what’s normal to you. Because trust and believe YOU WILL BE OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. But with strenght, and hopefully a support of some sort you will learn to live YOUR life. Ok blogged for the day. Sometimes I wish I knew how to write a book. you know because I have such GREAT writing skills. look below my links

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Angel Investor

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Start up an E commerce they said. It’s easy they said. It will be a great way to generate income they said. But what they don’t say is how much it cost to do such a thing. I went into this blindly and I am about 8 months in and my vision has not improved. Not my vision for my store, just the ability and know how, and of course the financial vision. I have been blogging for a while, with no clue what to blog about. I do the blogging thing to get people to click on links to shop and hopefully make purchases. Being as I am just starting this, I don’t have a lot of product, but what I do have is a few items on hand that I can do and have to offer. I just can’t get people interested. I have a lot to offer, I just need to get my product seen; and that’s where I have the issue.

I am going to be completely honest here and a bit vulnerable. The honest part is I have no source of income to be able to pay for my site to be promoted. I was able to get some things going I paid for a years worth of an E commerce store, that will be ending in November some time, not exactly sure when but it will end. I was seriously trying to generate a bit of income to be able to stay home and take care of my elderly mother. I am not very comfortable at leaving her here home alone. She does have some health issues, and she just isn’t able to do some things on her own. Still on the honest part. I tend to digress from time to time, and on the honesty part, I am a shameful drop out. Needless to say it wa not by choice, but by circumstances. I regret dropping out of school. If I spell out the reasons, to most it will sound like excuses. When in reality if you’ve never walked in a persons shoes, you shouldn’t judge them. I can honestly say it wasn’t drugs. It wasn’t because I got pregnant in high school. The funny thing about that was I never dated high school boys. But it was due to having a narcissistic mother. I have written blogs about narcissism. The thing is there are several different types of narcissist and the one I was blessed to be raised by is the covert narcissist. Let me just say I love my mom and I will ALWAYS he;p her as best I can. But the fact is she ruined my life. She has 3 children all together. My brother and I are from her first marriage. Her first husband lost his battle with cancer when my brother and I was very young. She remarried 2 years later. Then 3 years later had my younger sister with her second husband. BUT for some reason I will never know I am her target. Most people in my family think I’m crazy or they dismiss my accusations. But they are real, and they are hurtful. But I continue to do my duty as her daughter. I am at the point that I want and need to go back to work. I was laid off JUST before the pandemic hit, and now have been out of work for about 2 years. She tells me she don’t want me to go back to work, because she is used to having some one here with her now. I understand that, but I could go to work overnight that way my brother would be here at night and I could be here during the day. I asked her what happens when you die? She said I was on my own. I said EXACTLY. She would have me stay home with her when I was in high school because she had anxiety attacks. That’s partly the reason I ended up dropping out I was so far behind I didn’t have a chance to catch up. She sits back and watches my every move, and hangs onto every word I say JUST to point out if I miss speak, or make any kind of an error. Now I have had to talk her down from countless anxiety attacks. I’ve had to calm her down over nothing. I have been her voice of reason when she over thinks things and thinks herself into an anxiety attack. ONLY to be dismissed because she’s feeling ok on a given day. I feel like I’ve been raising my mom since I was 15 years old. NOW I digress.

And now I come to the vulnerable part of this blog. I find it hard to ask for help. I think it’s because I’m always the one helping. But I am asking for help. Donations, or even an angel investor. The thing is I want to be able to work at something I love to do. I would love to be able to make crafts and gifts for people to buy for their friends, and family. But as it stands I am out of ideas on how to make this a possibility. Well the fact is I am out of funds. I have ran out my unemployment, and I can’t seem to find a job that works with my hours I would be available. As I stated earlier I would like to be able to stay home and take care of my elderly mother. I’m just not used to not have a source of income. On another vulnerable situation, just before I was laid off I was seeing a doctor, and long story short I was told I tested positive for scleroderma. In short it is chronic hardening and tightening of the skin and connective tissues. Scleroderma is a group of rare diseases that more than often affects women. It commonly occurs between the ages of 30 and 50. My hands swell up quite often and I have a lot of pain in the joints more so when they are swollen. That’s another reason I wanted to get this E commerce business so I can be able to work my own schedule and take the time I need to when my scleroderma is flaring up. Not only can scleroderma affect the skin but it also can affect many internal organs hindering digestive and respiratory functions, and causing kidney failure. There are two main categories of scleroderma: localized and systemic. Each category is make up of several conditions. Localized scleroderma: often affects only the skin and not major organs. However I was laid off shortly after the diagnosis and was never able to do any follow ups. Which is another reason I need a job, or get this E commerce running to where I am making some income to get insurance and follow up on this condition. One thing I have certainly learned is, you have to have money to start a business of any kind, and if anything, I hope if who ever reads this has at least one take away from this blog, it will be that you have to have money to start a business. I don’t care what they advertise about starting for free. I found so many sites that made it sound like you could use their platform for free, but then you had to {upgrade} in order to do more so yeah the sign up is free, you can sign up on many platforms, but you can’t do anything until you UPGRADE! Ok. I think I’ve done enough damage for today, but why not just for fun
https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

Empty Nest pt 2

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So the saga of my son and his girlfriend with the missing key to her car.

It is now believed that her Aunt’s son took the key. He’s a 14 yr old. The key is still missing from what I understand, but his girlfriend had a conversation with her Aunt, and her Aunt called the 14 yr old into the conversation. She asked him if he had the key, and the young boy was beyond angery. He was yelling and saying why am I always blamed. But he had so much anger in his voice. ( the girlfriend recorded the conversation then sent it to my son)

Now I know you can’t get a full picture or idea of their day to day life, JUST from one interaction. But from that little bit, it sounds to me like there’s a lot of toxicity within that family dynamics. Bottom line, the key is still missing. So my son had her go get a CLUB to lock her steering wheel.

My son now thinks the young boy took the key, and was going to take the car out late at night. Because the boy had plans to spin the night at a friend’s house. As far as I’m concerned, I feel like this is one big elaborate lie. I hope I’m wrong, but we’ll never know the truth. So Saturday was ruined, as far as what my son had planned.

Seems to me, they don’t have boundaries, or don’t respect people’s boundaries. Why would a person go into another persons bag? Why are you even taking something that doesn’t belong to you? To this day ( I don’t care how good of friends or if we are blood relatives) I would NEVER just go into someone’s purse or bag and take something. I will hand them their bag and let them retrieve the item, OR I will make sure they have their eyes on my while I go into their bag, or purse. That’s just me. I know the feeling of having your boundaries crossed or disrespected.

Ok enough about that key. I hope everyone had a great 4th of July. My sister came over with her twins and we had a great dinner. We had brisket, tater salad, baked beans, mac and cheese, aaannd homemade ice cream. Then we had some fure works. The twins had fun lighting them. Our whole street was lit up with fire works and smoke.

Well that’s about all I have for now. But I would like to say that I have given myself a new challenge. That challenge is to make a quilt. But this quilt will be either an American flag, or a Texas flag, or maybe both. However I first need to sell some items so I can get the material to do this challenge. So please shop around my links and help me out. I would greatly appreciate it.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Empty Nest

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I don’t know if this falls into “empty nest” syndrome, but I do know it worries me. Then I wonder, am I over sensitive to the situation?

So I’ve expressed how my son is my world. He and I have been through so much together. BUT he has a girlfriend now. They’ve been together almost 2 years. I’m happy he has a girlfriend and is planning a future with someone. Because he is an only child, when I die, he won’t have any brothers or sisters to help each other work through their grief. He has told me severl times, he don’t know what he’ll do when I die. I told him “then I have a lot of work to do” I’ve always felt that as a parent we should raise our children to be self sufficient. They should be able to live their life once we pass. That also means emotionally. Death is a part of life, and it needs to be talked about, so that it’s understood and this child will be emotionally ready. Aaaaaannnnd there I go again getting off track.

So on to my topic. My son works hard, he works 6 days a week on second shift. Being as he only has ONE day a week off that one day is usually when he spends it with his girlfriend. I fully understand. HOWEVER There’s a few things I’ve noticed about this young lady. Again maybe it’s just me and I’m over sensitive or (PTSD) because I can see it and my son is blind to it. But I feel like she’s a bit manipulative. So let me give you the break down.

The very first time was only a couple months into their relationship. It was Christmas holidays. Now we don’t celebrate like most people do on the Christmas holiday, but we will make a big dinner and make it a point to have dinner together. However, this young lady managed to create an “emergency” and called my son asking him if he could drive her Aunt, to take some food to her Uncle because he’s in the hospital. ( her Aunt don’t know how to drive freeway) In my opinion, that was a “test” run. JUST to see his response. Now through out the course of the year, he would struggle with trying to spend time with me, and with his girlfriend. He has told me there are times he just wants to spend a Sunday with me, but she makes him feel guilty by saying she had planned….. Now any time there was a holiday where the company was closed, he would be with his girlfriend. Mind you I am absolutely fine with that. Now let me give you another example………..

His birthday that just past in May. His birthday was on a Sunday and he took that following week off. He planned to spend his birthday with me. Yet she got up set saying she had plans and now you want to be with your mom. Well if you read my Rainy Day blog serries you will know he ended up spending his birthday with his girlfriend. So ok he spent that day with his girlfriend, I honestly thought he would have spent Mother’s Day with me. But he ended up spending it with his girlfriend. Yes I have spoken on how we don’t celebrate secular holidays, and I have spoke on how we don’t need a mother’s day to express love. So that’s three times thus far, that she has managed to alter my sons plans. Now this weekend coming up up the 4th of July. We made these plans to grill Saturday. He talked about doing this for about 2 weeks. But it was pending on what his work schedule was going to be. Turns out he has Saturday, Sunday, and Mo day off. I was excited for him and the fact that we was actually going to soend some good quality time together. BUT………….. Earlier in the week she called my son and told him her car is making a wierd rattling noise. So he tells her take tomorrow off, and take it to a full service shop and let them make an assessment on it. So she took Wednesday off to have her car looked at, one place told her it was the serpentine tension, she had that fixed, and the next thing you know it’s still making the noise. Clearly that wasn’t the problem. Long story short, it’s something with her air conditioner. Or at least that’s the spill now. AAAAANNNDDD she wants to get it fixed immediately. Soooooo she managed to interrupt plans that my son and I had planned for this long weekend.

So last night my son and I was talking about this situation. I expressed my thoughts and concerns about it. He got short with me. I told him it’s just my opinion I could just be over sensitive. I told him what ever you decide to do I’m ok with it. I explained to him that I understand and respect that he has his own life and future to live. Then he had a call to fix a machine on his job, so we ended the conversation. But at 9:45 .p.m he calls me on his way home from work to apologize to me for getting short with me. I of course tild him there’s no need for apologies, it’s all good. You just do what you feel us needed.

Now my thing is there was a whole conversation between my son and his girlfriend that he told me about AFTER I had expressed my concerns. But in short she was trying to make him feel guilty because he wasn’t helping her. But he was he was giving her suggestions on where to take her car. But for the fact she works early in the morning, and he works second shift, unless he takes off thats about all he can do.

It’s the mind games for me. I feel like she’s playing these little games to test him. I know for a fact some women like to play games as well. It’s almost as if they are testing their powers. So to say. I know this makes me sound like a jealous mom, but I honestly want him to have a life and be in a healthy happy relationship. My concern is, he is a very easy going person. And if he cares about you, he will ve blinded by the games. I have marked on my calendar, dates and reasons. Then when the time is right I will show him the pattern. Maybe he can have a talk with her and have an understanding. Because my question is, who came to her aid before my son? One thing I know for sure, this young lady has a lot of growing up to do. Ok I’m done

But hey why not go look in my store you ain’t even gotta drive just click these links there are all kinds of goodies.

The first link, most of the items are hand made.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

Independence Day Continued

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This word can be very powerful. For those who have never suffered being dependant, will never know how powerful one word can be. Yesterday I spoke on addiction and how you depend on what ever you’re addicted to take off the edge. I talked about addiction to nicotine.

But today, I want to talk anout another form of independence. The one where you literally have to learn how to live alone.

This type of independence is very scary. It feels like you’re walking on a high wire with out a net.

Often times people find themselves in an abusive relationship. It’s so wierd how it happens. Most often the abuse so suttle, you, dismiss it as a misunderstanding.

But what you don’t realize is, you’re being manipulated. Mind games are being played and you don’t even realize it. You try to do sonething nice, the abuser knows your trying to appease them, and all the while laughing at your attempts to appease him. You end up being consumed with thoughts of how to keep him satified. How to keep him from getting angry. You worry about if the house is clean enough. Because you know if one thing is out of place it could set him off. Now understand, he’s not abusive everyday. There would be times he comes home and he literally acts like you don’t even exist. In fact that can go on for days it’s as if you’ve been discarded for the time being. Those was the good days.

I have always been curious what others think, emotional abuse vs physical abuse, which one is worse. With physical abuse, the bruises will go away. That’s what I’ve heard people say. But when some one you love and who loves you, hits you; that’s not only physical abuse, but it’s emotional as well. I personally don’t think one is worse than the other. I think they’re equally bad.

So I was in a 15 years relationship with an abusive alcoholic. He only physically hit me a few times. But the emotional abuse was constant. Only I didn’t see it clearly in the beginning, because it was so very subtle. Plus I myself was so focused on having a family I couldn’t see he was playing mind games.

But once you realize this is not the life you want; then comes the task of mustering up the courage needed to remove yourself from a bad situation. I have a few tips to give for anybody trying to leave an abusive relationship.

As with just about any and everything you have to have a plan. Stick to that plan as best you can. To start with make sure you have a dependable support person, or group. These people will be your shield. Because your abuser will try to win you back. This plan you have made to leave should include NO CONTACT. I know that if you have children that’s almost impossible, but this is where the support group comes in. They take the child for visitstion. The reason for the NO CONTACT is because you’re breaking another form of addiction. Rather you realize it or not you have become addicted to your abuser; because it is now familiar to you. You’re somewhat comfortable, you know what to expect; and now the thought of NOT depending in him is scary as hell. Just remember you want peace within you and YOUR life. This abuser will NEVER give you or let you have that peace.

My personal independence day was May of 2005.

Ok enough for today. And as usual I’ll leave you with my links. Oh and check out these cute little pot holders.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/