Christmas

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Been a day or 2 since my last blog. If memory serves me, I blogged about Thanksgiving. The dinner was nice, everything came together nicely.

So after it was said and done, the next day I got on my Facebook page. Anybody who has Facebook knows, that Facebook loves to bring up the past. It showed a memory of our 2014 Thanksgiving. My heart stopped beating for just a second; as that was the last Thanksgiving to be had with dad. Had I knew that; and if I had the ability; it would have been FOREVER Thanksgiving Day. Sadly we know NOT for whom, or when the bell tolls. Now when I do Thanksgiving there will always be fall leaves of some sort of decorations, because that last Thanksgiving I had scattered fake fall leaves all over the table. My dad loved them and said they reminded him of back home when he was a boy on the farm. Oof I miss him so much. I keep seeing his smiling face, I remember how he always said positive things. He was ALWAYS encouraging you, and when he was proud of you, and or your success, no matter how small or big your win was he let you know what a great job you did.

Now Christmas is coming up. Christmas is a tough holiday for me. There was a lot of inconsistencies growing up. I have spoke on the death of my biological father. I wasn’t old enough to remember him. Except that specific day he passed away. I have remembered that fateful day for longer than I knew him. However mom did remarry. That man is the one who helped raise me and my brother. They had a daughter together. Of course she’s my little sister. Now when she and he got married, she knew his faith did NOT celebrate secular holidays like Christmas, Easter, or Halloween. When ever those holidays rolled around, it depended on rather mom was mad at dad, or her mom that we DID or DID NOT celebrate those holidays. THAT’S when all that extra drama would come into play.

I have blogged about narcissism, and how things can be confusing when a child is the target of the narcissistic person. As a child all I understood is, mom’s mad. There would be times she was mad at dad. I never knew why, only that she was mad at him. When she’s mad she is emotional, and reactive. With no care about how hurtful she is with her words and actions. That was terrifying as a child. Also when mom was mad she was angry and hurtful to anyone who crossed her eye sight. DON’T even think about speaking to her. Now that I’m older, I have revisted my younger years. I see now that there was a form of consistency. It was guaranteed there WILL be some kind of drama. Just a matter of which direction the drama went. Also in hindsight I feel like more often we DID NOT celebrate the holidays because there was more drama when we didn’t than when we did.

You see my dad was a passive guy. He didn’t care for all the fussing and bickering. Yet he stood his grounds on his fath and beliefs. He DID NOT celebrate the holidays, however if mom decided she will, he didn’t give her the fight she wanted. The thing about a narcissist is, they love to create drama then play victim to the very drama they created. Not my dad. In fact there was times that mom decided to celebrate Christmas. Now my dad would drive us to the house that was hosting the Christmas eve party. Which was always Granny’s place. Let me tell you that first off I love my granny, but she was spiteful, mean and vindictive at times. She was the queen of personal satisfaction. She always made the holiday dinners. She knew my dad didn’t eat pork, yet she would put pork bacon in the green beans, then take it out before setting them on the table. She would also from time to time give my dad a gift for Christmas, knowing good and well he didn’t celebrate. Then after the “festivities” laugh and smirk about the fact that he accepted the gift. Most often it was something like a pair of gloves, or a beanie. I believe most times he JUST didn’t want the drama.

That being said, there was times when mom would be mad at Granny and NOT celebrate. I think those was my mom’s favorite times. Because Granny was vindictive Granny would get drunk, come over to our place and make a scene for all the neighbors to see and hear, and with mom loving the drama would get just as ornery. They would fuss and bicker about stuff from the past, never really argue about the topic at hand. There are so many examples and stories I could tell you. However, I just don’t have the time.

Now Christmas is just around the corner, my brother and mom want me to make a Christmas dinner. They are wanting DUCK! I’ve never cooked duck. Not to mention the memories of past Christmas’s. Ugg!

So I seem to be out of words to blog now but there’s a blog for y’all.

Faith And Prayers.

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I know I’ve been away for a while. I’ve had a lot going on. I had been writing about fair labor laws and fighting for a pay that the company didn’t want to pay. Well that’s still in limbo. Real quick on that topic though.

I had received an email from HR saying they had got with management and have decided to pay me for the orientation. She then informed me, that I could come and pick up my check on Friday 10/08/2021. Which was wierd because I had received a letter from workforce informing me on paper they had officially received my wage complaint and is waiting to have an investigator assigned to it. Now I know workforce always sends both parties involved in the complaint the the same letters. I respond… Thank you I will be there Friday at 2:30p.m. It gets more strange because ON THE DAY I was to go get the check she e-mailed me again requesting I return the access gate card as well. I read the e-mail and just put my phone in my pocket and proceeded to get ready to go to get my little check. However at 2:10 p.m I had received a phone call; but my phone was in my back pocket and I was driving so I didn’t know until I got to the job site. Then I call into the office to speak with the person in HR ONLY to be informed that they had received a letter from Workforce and are now handling correspondents through them and they don’t have my check there. Now I’m frustrated I asked him when did y’all receive the letter from workforce? He said Monday or Tuesday. I then asked why did she send me an email TODAY at 1:39 requesting the access badge? Now he’s stumbling over his words and back peddling. So I told him that when I receive my check is when you’ll get the access card. So that’s where we’re at with that.

😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

NOW THE GOOD PART! I’m so flipping EXCITED! 😺

Ok. So mom and I decided to go to Sam’s club to get a few items. We spoke on it the night before. So I get up have my coffee, proceed to take a shower to start my day. While I was in the shower, the water wasn’t draining like it should so I thought I need to clean the hair out from the drain. But once I got out of the shower I realized both bathrooms was on the fritz. So we went a head and did our stuff we needed to get done, I was hoping the situation would correct it’s self but to no avail. So I had to contact the new owner and explain to her the situation. She sent a plumber out and all is well with our toilets again. BUT the new owner text me saying the plumber said it was a lot of tissue, and to not use so much. I told her we’ve been living here for 4 almost 5 years and never had this happen. She informed me that IF it happens again SHE will not pay for the plumber. 😶 Blah blah blah. Enough on that. The BEST part of today is….. I got a message from an old coworker asking me if I was ready to come back to work on valves. I said why heck yeah! Long as I don’t have to paint them 😂

Long story short I’m fixing to get my job back; and the people I worked with there,,, are really really great people. The employees there really look out for each other. Sooooo maybe I can continue my little hobby and hopefully start making some side money just to put back into savings. Ok thats it for now.

Thanksgiving wreath

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

Gas Lighting

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Gas lighting is a phrase that I dispise. I dispise when the person gas lighting me tries to tell me what I seen, or heard. That is a form of emotional abuse. The fact that they make you question your reality. Gaslighting is a narcissist best weapon. It keeps their victim confused, and unsure of what’s really happening.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that can happen to anyone, especially in romantic relationships.  Additionally, the effects of gaslighting may make it even harder for the victim to leave an abusive relationship as they may not even realize it’s happening.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that can happen to anyone, especially in romantic relationships. 

Additionally, the effects of gaslighting may make it even harder for the victim to leave an abusive relationship as they may not even realize it’s happening.

1. “That never happened.”

Gaslighting often causes the victim to doubt themselves. Someone will do or say something abusive and then deny that it ever happened, says psychotherapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Tina B Tessinaina, PhD, in private practice.

“The victim starts questioning [their] instincts and relies more and more on the ‘reality’ that gets created and manipulated by the abuser. It also heightens a sense of dependency on the abuser,” says Tessina. 

You’re too sensitive.”

This is a phrase used by gaslighters to minimize and invalidate the victim’s feelings. If the victim tries to express hurt or disappointment, the gaslighter may tell them that they are making a big deal out of nothing.The intent is to make you feel stupid for even trying to stand up for yourself. Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to put up with the abusive behavior and stay in the relationship,” says Tessina.

“You have a terrible memory.” This is another common phrase gaslighters use to make victims doubt themselves. Of course, everybody experiences trouble with recalling certain details, but Tessina says gaslighters will make their victim doubt their memory as a whole, spanning a multitude of situations

They do this because getting a victim to question themselves is at the core of gaslighting. When a victim no longer trusts their assessments, the abuser is in complete control,” says Tessina. 

These are just a few examples of gaslighting and why it’s done. The one about the terrible memory is the one that has been pushed onto me.

Well dang my mind has shut down for now. So I’m going to get busy. Y’all have a great day

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Constant Criticism

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Ever notice some people are constantly criticizing you? There may be one person in particular you know will criticize you. You can in fact feel it coming because the eyes of said criticizer is burning a whole through you.

Let me just say when you get criticism from people in general it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Constructive criticism is fine. There’s a difference between constructive criticism and criticism JUST to belittle a person. I actually enjoy having a discussion that’s constructive criticism we can brain storm ideas off of each other.

But when you have some one constantly criticizing you, it can make things a little difficult. Now y’all know I’m gonna give an example. Ready? Ok here we gooooooo

So the other day I was cooking dinner, mom says I bet Robert would like some biscuits with this meal. My initial response was oh my goodness we already got 2 eyes going, and NOW you wanna turn the oven on?!

We are in the middle of summer and here in Texas humidity is so high here and the heat I try to cook as little as possible

But I decided to make them. Not because she said my brother would like some, but because I knew SHE really wanted a biscuit. So I grab an iron skillet, and she grabbed the shortening from the pantry. Now I reach into the shortening and grab a small handful to coat the skillet. As I’m coating the skillet, I here her say “goodness, that’s a lot!” I gave her the side eye, she says “I know, you don’t want me in here watching you huh” I responded with I don’t mind that you’re in here, I just don’t need you criticizing my every move. She didn’t say too much, but she did question my methods on making the biscuits. And make remarks about how others make their biscuits. So we made it through the biscuits fiasco. And when dinner was done, surprisingly she complimented my biscuits. I was shocked, but not sure if she’s starting the love bombing thing again, or if the complement is sincere.

While that was just one example of criticism to lower your self esteem, there are other forms of criticism that hurt as well. The way you drive, there is a constant, why are you driving around this bend so fast? Don’t you think you’re a little close to that car in front? OMG ARE YOU GOING TO STOP?!

While these are all an attempt to emotionally, and mentally abuse you for there enjoyment. YOU CANNOT TAKE IT TO HEART! You have to tell yourself YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are good ENOUGH.

Ok I blogged there you go. Read it, I hope you enjoyed it, but more so go look at my links 😁

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

A Simple Touch.

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So I woke up this morning got my coffee ans was just about to go to wordpress, when I grabbed my phone, some how the goofle opened and the seen an article. This is the title of said article

Physical touch during early life appears to play a key role in moral development, according to new psychology research. I skimmed through the article. But it reminded me of a conversation my son and I had. I never realized I did this, but my son pointed it out to me. Actually there was two main things that was pointed out to me by my son. So the touch. I for one when I had him wanted to keep him in my arms, and hold him ever so gently, but tightly in my arms for ever. He was so perfect. But as we all know the little munchkins have to grow up. Then THEY don’t don’t want your arms any more. Because in reality, they ARE learning and growing. But as for me, I just wanted to hold him in my arms, keeping him safe. As I’ve mentioned before in other blogs, my son and I are very close. He has ALWAYS known that no matter what the problem may be, he was alway safe to talk to me. So by this point my son is an adult, and we had a conversation about how I raised him. He mentioned a few things, but the two that stuck out to me was that I always touched him, and the other was, I never yelled at him.

I hadn’t realized either one. So he explains, as far as the touch, he told me there was times he would be lying on the couch watching TV, or playing a game, and as I walked past him, I would apply a gentle touch, maybe gently rub his head, or a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, but he said I touched him often. He also said he liked it because it gave him a sense of calmness. Now as far as the yelling, I know that in order for me to yell, you REALLY must have hit the nerve, because I am just not a person to yell. For one I don’t like being yelled at, therefore I will not yell at you.

Full disclosure I did not read the article from beginning to end. But it doesn’t take Einstein, to know, the simple and kind act of touch goes a long way. For one it stimulates the brain. Hugging and other forms of nonsexual touching cause your brain to release oxytocin, known as the “bonding hormone.” 

Well that’s the read for today. But please keep your eyes open I will soon be having some interesting content, or at least I think interesting.

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

Good Morning

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Good morning beautiful people. I hope your morning is going well. Because mine didn’t start out to well, but I not mad. I woke up late. I had planned to go to walmart early in the morning to get some fabric for some new projects. I still got there early, thank goodness. I found some cute fabric for a baby blanket. SO EXCITED! I’m fixing up some gift baskets for a baby shower. Hopeful to sell them. I’m also going to add some things needed when you have a new bundle of joy. Like some diapers, a burping cloth, some baby wipes, some stuff for their little bottom. And a few other little necessities.

I remember when my son was born, I couldn’t use disposable diapers for him. I bought the cheapest to the most expensive, and all of them made his bottom fire red. I had to use cloth diapers. Funny story though. So my mom threw me a baby shower and she invited a friend we’ve known for YEARS. She couldn’t think of anything to get me, so she made up a few items into a gift basket. One of the items was cloth diapers. She asked me not to announce her gift because she was embarrassed of what she got me. She was the only one who got me the cloth diapers. She said if anything you can use them as a burping cloth. So I had to call her and let her know, that it was an awesome gift because he couldn’t use disposable diapers. We laughed. So any way I just wanted to share that with y’all.

I’m so excited to start these new projects. I will be posting photos in the coming weeks. But for now I have to get busy. Have a wonderful day. Be safe, and be kind.

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Exciting News

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Ok folks I have been researching and researching for all kinds of information. I will be having some exciting news in the next few months. There will be lots of information coming in the next few months. I want to share with y’all now, but I can’t because I still have to cross all my T’s and dot all my I’s before I can spill the beans.

I know most of my posts have been all over the board. However I guess I’m still trying to find my niche so to say. I would like to ask the ones who are following me id they have anything particular they would like to read? What grabs your attention to say “hey this might be a good read”? Just curious as to what direction I should take this blogging. I will say I have been looking into blogging and taking a few free courses on writing. Things like how to find your niche, how to make a blog, as far as starting it all the way to finishing it. While I know I have not completely mastered it, I would appreciate the help in getting ideas that interest the ones who are following me. Maybe even get them to say “hhmm I think I’ll share this one, maybe some of my followers would find this interesting”. Let me just say to the ones who are following I appreciate y’all more than you know.

I am trying to break out of my comfort zone here, and to be honest I’m feeling a bit vulnerable. It’s a weird feeling to intentionally put yourself in a vulnerable position. But here I am doing it. I really am trying to get my self confidence back. I am learning new things to get the ball rolling and expand my horizons I will no longer except failure, I will simply say this is not a failure, but a detour, and I will take other avenues to reach my destination. My dad always said “not beats a failure but a try” He used to always say things to inspire someone. and his enthusiasm at trying new things made you feel excited and positive about this new adventure. Some day I may do a blog about this guy. I have to say he was my anchor, and I miss him terribly. I honestly feel like I died when he did. The sad thing about that is, he would be so disappointed in me. Because while he knew death was inevitable, he lived his life to the fullest. So I need to start doing that again. I need to live. Because I know that’s what he would want me to do. I can say he and I had an understanding and a respect for life and death, we viewed it differently than most people.

Now moving forward there will be no more defeats, It will be just a detour. So before I end this blog please let me know some of the things you would be interested in reading about. and thank you for your time. have an awesome blessed day.

✌❤

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

Writing or Rambling?

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To be or not to be. I believe was written by Hamlet. Full disclosure I have never to my recollection read any Shakespeare books. But who hasn’t heard the classic question “To be or not to be”

I read a comment this morning, not sure what it meant. But I simply replied with “thank you” It wasn’t mean or insulting, at least I didn’t think it was, but it did make me think.

Now if anybody has read my blogs they will know I’m pretty random. I don’t have a spacific topic, or subject that I write about. Most often I start my day with a blog, and that’s usually whats on the top of my thoughts, or what I think people will read.

Which brings me to my title Writing, or Rambling? Which begs the question “To blog or not blog” In the speech, Hamlet contemplates death and suicide, bemoaning the pain and unfairness of life but acknowledging that the alternative might be worse. As UNafraid of death as I am one would think I would have read that, but Shakespeare I’ve heard is hard to read. But that comment made me think, should I blog or not. I am no writer, nor do I aspire to be a writer. I do enjoy reading, but not so much writing. It’s very clear with all my grammatical errors writing certainly is not my forte. Some of the people who read my blog probably think ” does ahe even proof read?” Or Did she ACTUALLY read what she just wrote? The grammer is difficult for me to read and understand, let alone comprehend what she’s trying to convey. Shoot I don’t blame y’all for that. Reading and English was one of the classes that only God knows how I passed. So many rules and regulations when it comes to writing. With all the camas, and run on sentences. Lets face it I am the queen of a run on sentence. But the real reason I blog is simply to put my links to my ecommerce shop in hopes of creating a source of income. Since my lay off I have discovered I love crafting. I found a few things I think I’m pretty good at and thought why not sell them. My thought was just open an ecommerce store and share on Facebook and bam! People would find something to be a nice gift idea. But tge fact is I am a novice. I honestly am doing this and learning as I go. I started blogging to get people to go to my ecommerce because I am trying to get my store seen by thousands of people to get some kind of notoriety and be seen. But for one I don’t have a big circle of people or friends. I basically live like a hermit. But I am doing what I can with the resources I have. I have iften thought about how to get a rich person to help me get out there. I would love to have a shop. (I know theres a word for this but I can’t think of it right now.)

But yeah I do go back and read my blogs, not a goid proof reader, but I catch a typo from time to time. So here we are 2 blogs in one day. 😂✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Take a look ask questions I also do gift baskets.

Empath And Narcissist Relationship pt3

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It took me 15 years to realize I needed to take a stand and put an end to this madness.

Don’t get me wrong. We broke up a thousand times. Each time I hought it was me taking a stand, only to fall back to his charm, and believe his lies. Because of my lack of boundaries. Each time I forgave him, I was, in his mind telling him it’s ok, and please continue to belittle, and humiliate me, because I JUST want someone to love me; and this is the price I’m willing to pay.

But you see growing up vying for validation was embedded in me, it was normal. Ok … I’ll admit, I am that person who has her sunglasses on top of her head and will TEAR the house up looking for them. You know, that old saying “can’t see tge forest for the trees”

Well there was one person I can say did love me unconditionally. He was my step dad. It felt wierd just now, referring to him as my step dad. He raised me from the time I was 5yrs old into adulthood. He never stopped loving me no matter what battles we had. Let me tell ya we had some rough patches. But that’s another blog.

As I stated it took me 15 years to make my stand. But to be fair, my son was my rock in that situation. He was almost 14 years old, his dad and I had just had another round of his binge drinking. He would literally drink 3 to 4 18pack of beer a day and chase it with tequila for 10 to 15 days straight. I honestly believe he was doing something else because in the days he would drink he never did sleep. And if I tried to sleep he would disturb my sleep. So on one of those binge days, I was trying to get him to eat something. He told me to cook something and after this beer he will eat. So I cooked, but he didn’t eat, so I started opening his beers and pouring them down the sink, he managed to save one, but he ended up throwing it at me, that was the first time our son ever seen him hit me. My son was so angry he somehow slung him across the kitchen yelling at him. I knew then, if I stayed things will get worse between him and his dad.

So a few days after that scene my son says why don’t we just move mom, dad doesn’t love us, we should just leave.

So from that point I started looking for us a place to live. I found us an apartment. I know he didn’t really think I was leaving him, because I was the one to call it quits instead of him calling it quits. He thought he was. Calling my bluff. He was in fact laughing at me, saying things like how many times have we been here? You’re never going to find someone like me. Nobody will ever love you like I do. You’re never going to make it on your own. Typical things a narcissist would say.

I told him it don’t matter how many times we been here, THIS is the last time. As far as me finding someone, thats the least of my concern, but if I do find someone I pray to God he AIN’T like you; and I will work however many jobs it takes to make it.

I actually left him, and never went back. It was hard the first year, but then I got a second job and it made things a bit easier. I have been gone from him since May of 2005. We are now in 2021 and I’m still standing strong.

I did say my son was my rock, but my dad had a big part in it also. I really don’t think I would have made it without those two in my life.

I am still single, but I’m ok with that. I can’t trust myself. I know that I am the one who will give my all. To be honest I really think my ex broke me. I used to write little notes when I packed his lunch. I would say things like ” love you have a good day” but he actually told me not to do that. Now I think that if I was to get into a relationship I wouldn’t even know how to love said person. I don’t even think I have a (love language) any more. But any way who knows what the future holds. Just take it one day at a time.

As I’ve said I hope to help someone with this blog on narcissistic personality, and empaths. I’m sure if an empath stumbles upon this blog they will be the one to see a little bit of them in this blog before a narcissist will. It’s understood a narcissist is never the problem. Because they are never wrong, and they will gaslight you into believing you’re the problem. I don’t even think I touched on the gaslighting. But that’s another blog. This one has drained me for now. Re-visiting my past is never easy. But it helps in the healing. I don’t have my das here anymore to talk to when I need to vent, or just need reassuring. Blogging helps.

So I leave you with of course my links in hopes of someone visiting my shop.

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/