Christmas

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Been a day or 2 since my last blog. If memory serves me, I blogged about Thanksgiving. The dinner was nice, everything came together nicely.

So after it was said and done, the next day I got on my Facebook page. Anybody who has Facebook knows, that Facebook loves to bring up the past. It showed a memory of our 2014 Thanksgiving. My heart stopped beating for just a second; as that was the last Thanksgiving to be had with dad. Had I knew that; and if I had the ability; it would have been FOREVER Thanksgiving Day. Sadly we know NOT for whom, or when the bell tolls. Now when I do Thanksgiving there will always be fall leaves of some sort of decorations, because that last Thanksgiving I had scattered fake fall leaves all over the table. My dad loved them and said they reminded him of back home when he was a boy on the farm. Oof I miss him so much. I keep seeing his smiling face, I remember how he always said positive things. He was ALWAYS encouraging you, and when he was proud of you, and or your success, no matter how small or big your win was he let you know what a great job you did.

Now Christmas is coming up. Christmas is a tough holiday for me. There was a lot of inconsistencies growing up. I have spoke on the death of my biological father. I wasn’t old enough to remember him. Except that specific day he passed away. I have remembered that fateful day for longer than I knew him. However mom did remarry. That man is the one who helped raise me and my brother. They had a daughter together. Of course she’s my little sister. Now when she and he got married, she knew his faith did NOT celebrate secular holidays like Christmas, Easter, or Halloween. When ever those holidays rolled around, it depended on rather mom was mad at dad, or her mom that we DID or DID NOT celebrate those holidays. THAT’S when all that extra drama would come into play.

I have blogged about narcissism, and how things can be confusing when a child is the target of the narcissistic person. As a child all I understood is, mom’s mad. There would be times she was mad at dad. I never knew why, only that she was mad at him. When she’s mad she is emotional, and reactive. With no care about how hurtful she is with her words and actions. That was terrifying as a child. Also when mom was mad she was angry and hurtful to anyone who crossed her eye sight. DON’T even think about speaking to her. Now that I’m older, I have revisted my younger years. I see now that there was a form of consistency. It was guaranteed there WILL be some kind of drama. Just a matter of which direction the drama went. Also in hindsight I feel like more often we DID NOT celebrate the holidays because there was more drama when we didn’t than when we did.

You see my dad was a passive guy. He didn’t care for all the fussing and bickering. Yet he stood his grounds on his fath and beliefs. He DID NOT celebrate the holidays, however if mom decided she will, he didn’t give her the fight she wanted. The thing about a narcissist is, they love to create drama then play victim to the very drama they created. Not my dad. In fact there was times that mom decided to celebrate Christmas. Now my dad would drive us to the house that was hosting the Christmas eve party. Which was always Granny’s place. Let me tell you that first off I love my granny, but she was spiteful, mean and vindictive at times. She was the queen of personal satisfaction. She always made the holiday dinners. She knew my dad didn’t eat pork, yet she would put pork bacon in the green beans, then take it out before setting them on the table. She would also from time to time give my dad a gift for Christmas, knowing good and well he didn’t celebrate. Then after the “festivities” laugh and smirk about the fact that he accepted the gift. Most often it was something like a pair of gloves, or a beanie. I believe most times he JUST didn’t want the drama.

That being said, there was times when mom would be mad at Granny and NOT celebrate. I think those was my mom’s favorite times. Because Granny was vindictive Granny would get drunk, come over to our place and make a scene for all the neighbors to see and hear, and with mom loving the drama would get just as ornery. They would fuss and bicker about stuff from the past, never really argue about the topic at hand. There are so many examples and stories I could tell you. However, I just don’t have the time.

Now Christmas is just around the corner, my brother and mom want me to make a Christmas dinner. They are wanting DUCK! I’ve never cooked duck. Not to mention the memories of past Christmas’s. Ugg!

So I seem to be out of words to blog now but there’s a blog for y’all.

Fair Labor Laws pt 2

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So there may be a pt3 not sure just yet. I will know more on the 8th of October. So I posted a rant about fair labor laws. I spoke on the fact that I filed a wage complaint with workforce. Y’all know how rude that person was that I spoke to. So yesterday I received a letter from workforce informing me ” officially” that they have received my complaint. Now today I get an email from the company I filed on.

This is what the e-mail said.

So naturally I told her I would pick up the check on Friday October 8 2021 at 2:30 pm.

So aparently I was entitled to the hours slent on orientation; however I am unsure if it will be calculated at $7.25 as according to the person I spoke with they are only obligated to pay minimum wage for the training. Either way, I sttod my ground on what I thought was right. But the other concerns I have are…. Are the employees there bei g treated properly? Are they aware of their rights as an employee? Did they or will they at the very least get a relatively clean break room to have their lunch rather than have lunch IN the warehouse 6 to 8 feet from where they are working? I hope at the very least they get a break room away from where they’re working.

Ok the troublemaker us signing out. Yeah heres my links. Still trying to earn a living.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

✌❤

New Day

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New day but same old bull shigity. Dealing with a narcissist, actually, dealing with a narcissist and the oldest child that encourages the behavior. I know through reading on how to deal with narcissistic people that you’re NOT to take their jabs on a personal level. That being said, it’s a skill that HAS to be learned, and it takes work to learn and put that skill to good use. Truth is it’s not only easier, but habitual to just react to the jabs than to actually put that skill to work. Once you’ve reacted, you have just nurished that narcissists needs. Then you get more upset and frustrated at yourself because of your reaction. You just get so tired of the constant jabs. From semantics to only paying attention JUST to hear you miss speak, to quickly point out that you stumbled on a word. 😶 that crap gets old real fast. The constant talking about me like I’m not even in the same room as them, but if I react or get offended it’s the constant ” why so defensive?” Or “We was just joking.” Or “I didn’t mean it that way”

Don’t even think about having a conversation with a narcissist. If they make a statement what ever they say is ABSOLUTE fact. There is no questioning, or relating another scenario; because if you do, then you’re being argumentative. Lord forbid you should EVER disagree with a narcissist.

Sometimes a person just needs time alone to be able to reboot, and build energy and strenght to be able to tolerate, and act according to the toxic person/people in your life. To be honest the best reaction to a toxic person is no contact. Just walk away and leave them to their own devices. However when it’s family, and it’s your elderly mother and your other siblings are “unavailable” not much you can do but bite the bullet. The old saying take one for the team.

She’s back to her old tricks from back in the 80’s when my dad moved us to Florida. When school started and she was home alone, she started having panic attacks (anxiety) except we didn’t really know what that was. NOW years later it turns out they was anxiety, but at the time she and we thought it was that she was going into a heart attack. Most times by the time we hot to the ER the panic attack would be settled. Then we would follow up with our primary physician in short she was prescribed prescribed Valium for her. Of course she wouldn’t take them. 😶 She was scared of getting addicted to them. Rather ironic medication for anxiety, yet created another fear. The thing is, when she would want somebody home with her, she would have my dad leave his job to come and get me out of school. We lived in Florida for 2 years, I might have physically attend class at best a half a semester. The thing is she never had this anxiety issue until we went to live in Florida. There she was away from her family.

One of the main characteristics of individuals with increased levels of vulnerable narcissism is anxiety. I have never had a panic attack to where it feels like I’m having a heart attack, I believe I as well as many others have anxiety, it just presents differently. I tend to tinker around with things like reorganising the dishes, or the food pantry or a closet. Basically anything to not focus on the anxiety. Yet finding peace with what I can’t change.

So after 2 years in Florida my dad decided to move us to Missouri. Things was a little better, she actually got a part time job with a lady at our church. Cleaning houses. That was the first time I ever seen my mom have a job. But for what ever reason the job didn’t last very long. Then after a year in Missouri my moms brothers and sister was able to get us plane tickets back to Texas. I was going into my senior year when we came back to Texas. Because the credit system was different in Texas than Missouri, they wanted to put me back to a junior. So I ended up dropping out.

Fast forward to now. Now I have been out of work but looking for work. She has made me aware that she wants me to stay home with her. I am trying to find work that has a second or over night shift. So I CAN be home with her during the day and her oldest golden child can be home with her in the evening.

The thing is back in August I was sick. I didn’t want to spread the virus so I steered clear of everybody. But mom thinks her golden son needs a hot meal cooked for him every night when he comes home. So she was in the kitchen cooking, making biscuits using cast iron skillets. Long story short she hurt herself doing all that. Because the thing is I had been doing all the cooking and cleaning for the past 10 years or more. EVEN while working. They literally began to treat me like I was their maid. But I digress.

I mentioned earlier about anxiety. I have mentioned that I have never had an attack where I thought I was having a heart attack. So I am not saying anxiety is not a real situation, but I often wonder if those attacks are a form of regret in a narcissistic person. One thing I know for sure….. This psychology stuff is crazy. The mind is a tricky thing, and can play tricks on you. I know I don’t makes sense half the time. Probably most of the time. But heres another ranting/venting blog. And of course my links.

✌❤

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://simplegiftshere.company.site

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

The Underdog

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Not sure what this title will be just yet. I’m basically biding my time until this WordPress subscription is complete.

Feeling frustrated and defeated. I seem to be at a crossroads. I want and need a job, yet my mom is also in need of having someone with her at home. I had a plan that failed. Just like many other things in my journey of living.

As I said I had a job, but I only worked one day. One because it’s not climate controlled, but also there was so many safety violations. The employees was smoking INSIDE the warehouse! THERE’S A LOT OF FLAMMABLE STUFF IN THERE!!! Now don’t get me wrong, I understand the addiction of smoking, I used to smoke. In fact I smoked for 30+ years. I fully understand. However if you’re working where there’s flammable stuff and A LOT of it, I don’t think ANY ONE should be smoking INSIDE the building.

Now my shift was going to be 2pm to 10pm, however I went in early to do my orientation. Then started my shift at pretty close to 2pm. Now I only lasted until 5:30pm for a few reasons. I was just getting over from being sick. But the heat in the building was causing me to get a headache. Now I had been there since about 10:30 am and it’s now 5:30pm I decided to go to lunch. But instead of coming back, I just went home. I literally ran straight cold water for a shower and stood under it for a while, JUST to cool my body down. I had a horrible headache in the back of my head. Needless to say I could not handle that heat. I think if I had been younger and not been diagnosed with scleroderma I may have muscled through it, just like I did with any and all my other jobs. But…… It is what it is. So I started on August 30, I had already expected to have to wait two weeks for a check. So when that Friday came, I didn’t bother them about my paycheck. Then came the Friday I should have originally received a paycheck, things was busy that day so I never called about it. But I did email her that monday gve her the whole day to respond and she didn’t. So on Tuesday I called her. She said she mailed the check. Proceeded to tell me if I don’t get it by the end of the week to call her. So by Thursday no check. I emailed her and she resooned with saying I told you guve it until the end of the week. So now it’s been 2 weeks. However in doing research I discovered that IF you quit a job, the employer is to pay you on the next regular payday. Which in essence I should have gotten my check, at the end of that week of my first day. It took 3 weeks to get my paycheck, THEN they didn’t pay me for the orientation. So I call her back and she says they don’t pay the employee for the orientation. I said but that’s MY time I gave the company. There was a long pause then she says I understand that, but we don’t pay for the orientation part. Yes I research it, AND this is what I found

Federal law provides that once an individual becomes an employee, he is entitled to be paid under the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA). … Although mere applicants don’t have to be paid during orientation, hired employees must be compensated for their orientation time.

So now my delema is…. How do I go about this situation? Not only that, but there are a lot of foreigners who work there, most Asian, I think Vietnamese. But it makes me wonder how many labor laws are they breaking BECAUSE they don’t know their rights as an employee?. I know me “fighting” for the orientation pay may seem petty, but there’s a principle here. Most employees including myself DO NOT know their rights as an employee. For the most part our goal us to get a job and handle our responsibilities. Not to mention the fact that we the employees would be able to afford an attorney to fight for our rights as an employee and most often we don’t fight for our rights because we DON’T want to lose our job because we have responsibilities.

Ok rant over here’s my links.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

✌❤

Almost Over

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Soon this random blog will be over. I have “chosen” NOT to renew my subscription. Mostly because I don’t have the finances to do so. I’ve read that 99% of “business’s” fail anyway. So apparently I fall into that percentile. This sucks, because I really enjoyed crafting.

I know I wrote about being positive, but there’s a difference between bein naïve, and staying positive. That difference is being truthful to yourself. I’m not meant for greatness, or even slightly being successful. Reminds me of the old saying ” you can’t have your cake and eat it too” something to that effect. To be honest I wasn’t looking for greatness. I knew in reality what I was trying to do would have NEVER turned into a franchise, or become a (million) dollar type of business. But I was hoping for some type of success. Anyway it is what it is, and it ain’t what it ain’t.

As I mentioned earlier that there’s a difference between reality and being naïve. Naïve is showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment. Reality is the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them. So I am now living in reality. I always have lived in the cruel world of reality. It’s not a bad place to live, just sometimes a little harsh. When some of your hopes and dreams get crushed. Often times it’s the slow crush that hurts the most as you feel every bit of the pain of defeat. Then you pick yourself up, realign yourself and find the next failure. Now don’t think I go into my ventures with the mindset of it’s going to be a failure, no I go into it whole heartedly believing and thinking THIS IS IT! I have such enthusiasm and excitement. UNTIL, the inevitable. It’s quite depressing. Thank goodness I’m not speaking out loud about this, because I would be in tears.

The funny thing about this is you are always coming accross the “success” stories. Right? How they grew up poor, didn’t have this or that but they worked hard and became successful. You can’t say it’s not true because you wasn’t there when they was struggling. However thd reality IS if you want to have or start a business you HAVE to have some kind of business sense. You have to have business idea, and plan, AND you have to have finances in order to do anything. You hear how they worked 3 jobs went to school raised their children as a single parent blah blah blah. I know I sound like an angry loser, believe you me I am not that angry loser. I just cannot believe ALL of their story. I was a single mom working 2 jobs, and no matter how small I cut the corners I was still LITERALLY JUST surviving. We lived on bare necessities.

Ok, ok enough of venting. Moving on. As stated this wordpress venture will be over soon. I just hope I’ve helped someone in a positive way. So heres my my links because y’all know I can’t leave without posting 😂 I laugh to keep from crying.

Just a few of the craft items I have made

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

Update: Random Memory

I have tried to follow many others in this journey. At first the app let me follow, now every time I try to follow it says something went wrong, or can not follow. I don’t know what it means, I’ll just assume it’s another road block. After all I am the queen of at least the things.

  1. Getting lost
  2. Finding road blocks
  3. And failing

I started to list number 3 as not winning. But the truth is I am winning! Winning at losing. So on the bright side…busts out into to the song I’m winning 😂

One day I was on the ground
When I needed a hand
And it couldn’t be found
I was so far down
That I couldn’t get up
You know and
One day I was one of life’s losers
Even my friends were my accusers
And in my head
I’d lost before I’d begun I had a dream
But it turned to dust
And what I thought was love
That must have been lust
I was living in style
When the walls fell in
When I played my hand
I looked like a joker
Turned around
Fate must have woke her
‘Cause lady luck
She was waiting outside the doorI’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
And I don’t intend on losing again Too bad it belonged to me
It was the wrong time
And not meant to be
Took a long time
And I knew for now
I can see the day
That I breathe for
Friends agree, there’s a need
To play the game
And to win againI’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
And I don’t intend on losing againI had a dream
But it turned to dust
What I thought was love
That must have been lust
I was living in style
When the walls fell in
When I played my hand
I looked like a joker
Turned around
Fate must have woke her
‘Cause lady luck
She was waiting outside the doorI’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
I’m winning
And I don’t intend on losing again

The Virus

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What a month I have had. So to start with August 14, my son was vistiting me like he does every weekend. But this Sunday morning I detected he wasn’t feeling well. Of course we both just figured it was sinuses flairing up. However after he left to go home, he ended up coming back to my house because there was some issues with some neighbors being loud over at his place. Somebody’s birthday or something. He has always had sleep issues ALL his life. I remember when he was young, if this child fell asleep in the car on the way to the store, if he just got a little cat nap it was like he was fully charged and could go another 16 hours. So I would do things like tell to look for the elephant, or lion, or ANY type of animal in the sky, JUST to keep him awake. I learned that if I woke him up early, let him spend his energy he would sleep at night. Then came kindergarten. They had a flipping NAP time because state law requires kindergarten students take a nap. However I spoke with his teacher and said he cannot have a nap. She asked what did I suggest during nap time. We got that settled, but I always knew if there was a substitute, because he woukd be awake untill 2 or 3 in the morning. I took him to school the next day and asked if there was a substitute, and the teacher said yes I was out yesterday, why do you ask? I explained that my son was awake until the early morning. The school apparently didn’t realize how vital it was that he not have a nap. To be honest, I think he had a mild case of hyper activity. However as a parent I was consistent with him. He knew if he acted out of line there would be consequences. Because I did not want to put him on medication.

So fast forward to now he’s a grown man. (gawd he grew too fast) He has always needed complete dark and silence to go to sleep. But you cannot control what other people do. So he came back here. I think it’s really because he’s not feeling well, but he did go to work that Monday, he said he felt worse, but would try to make it. Then he seen his girlfriend and she told him she wasn’t feeling well either. Long story short she went and took tge covid test, it came back positive. So he decided to take the test and yep positive as well. Now I never went to get tested, however because they have it I naturally assumed I got it.

Now here’s the concern. Y’all all know I take care of my elderly mother who has asthma/COPD amongst other health problems. I was so scared she was going to get it. However we took major precautions. We, my son and I stayed in one room for the most part. When we came out of the room we carried lysol and sprayed the areas we was in. We NEVER came out of the room without a mask on, and we never came out if anybody was in the front of the house.

Now that being said. Having the virus was like having a winter cold for my son and myself. We had a few days of your typical body aches. But mostly we was fatigued. We slept a lot. My son had told me he couldn’t taste or smell anything. Then I noticed I couldn’t smell or taste anything. In fact the only thing I could almost taste was grapes. And to be honest THAT was the MOST frustrating part of the virus. Not being able to smell or taste. It remined me of a movie I seen I can’t remember the title, but there was a guy who was an alcoholic. In the movie he couldn’t get his thirst quenched. He literally drank himself to death because he couldn’t get the thirst quenched. I think it was from the movie Hell Raiser you know the old movie with pinhead. But I’m not sure. Any way, it kind of felt like that. Because we wanted food, but we didn’t enjoy it because we couldn’t taste it or smell it.

During that time my son and I are sick, my mom is doing things like cooking, baking, and cleaning up the kitchen. Then after 10 days my son goes back to retest and it came back negative. YAY! However we still couldn’t smell or taste. We had a little jar of vics vapor rub. We used that for our smell test. Then little by little our taste and smell came back. Now I feel lije we are back to our normal selves again. We can smell and taste. But that is certainly not something I woukd want to go through again. It’s so wierd to not smell or taste. But the fact that nothing computes when you attempt to smell something it’s just blank.

So finally things get back to sort of normal, my son went back to work Wednesday after labor day. BUT now my mom is in pain. She’s telling me her stomach and back is hurting her. So on Tuesday the day right after labor day we visited an urgent care. We spent 5 hours there because they did all kinds of lab work. They diagnosed her with gastritis. Gave her a prescription for Pepcid AC. Then come Saturday she was still in pain and wanted to go to another ER because she didn’t like the previous diagnosis. Long story short same diagnosis. I tried to explain to her that when I was sick, and you doing all that cooking, you may have over exerted youself. Because I was doing everything. All she had to do was relax. Even when I was working, I came home and took care of cooking dinner and cleaning. So that 2 weeks I was sick she did too much and hurt herself.

I also know a part of this act is because she don’t want me to go back to work. She does not like being alone. I wished my ecommerce would have done well, but I just couldn’t get it off the ground.

Well there’s my blog. Enjoy. And heres my links if interested😊

✌❤

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://simplegiftshere.company.site

Update on The Job search.

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Long story short. I have a job, just as soon as I pass a drug test, and a physical. I wish I knew about the drug test. Because I need to study. 😂 kidding.

So now I’m in Katy getting my physical and my drug test. And man there areca lot of people here. I hate waiting. But here I am waiting. Ok it took 3 hours JUST to get called. Now my blood pressure is a bit elevated. But we continue to complete the physical. We tried 3 different occasions checking my BP and it was still elevated. However after the doctor came in to do his part in the physical he gave me a green light. YAY! Next is orientation and I should officially start a job on Monday.

The shift is 2p to 10p. That’s ideal for me to still be able to get mom to her doctors appointments. And I can still tinker with my failed ecommerce account 😂

They mentioned how impressed they was with my resume. Being as I have longevity on my jobs. I laughed said thank you, then proceeded to gently explain that I am not a fan of awkward interviews. I don’t like the classic (so tell me about you, or why do you want to work here?)

With those lame question there are so many sarcastic remarks you can make. Yet you have to be professional and give a logical answer. I WANT to say because I need a job and you need a body to fill a position. Or because y’all are hiring. Because let’s be honest here, we are not doctors, who have the answer to cure cancer. Nor are we lawyers with this rare ability to magically win and UNwinable case. We are the back end of how things are ran that noone sees. However, I am so grateful to have a job. Now if I can make this job last AT LEAST 16 years. I plan to retire at age 68. Lord knows I most likely wont make it to 72.

So here’s my links. ✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Gas Lighting

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Gas lighting is a phrase that I dispise. I dispise when the person gas lighting me tries to tell me what I seen, or heard. That is a form of emotional abuse. The fact that they make you question your reality. Gaslighting is a narcissist best weapon. It keeps their victim confused, and unsure of what’s really happening.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that can happen to anyone, especially in romantic relationships.  Additionally, the effects of gaslighting may make it even harder for the victim to leave an abusive relationship as they may not even realize it’s happening.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that can happen to anyone, especially in romantic relationships. 

Additionally, the effects of gaslighting may make it even harder for the victim to leave an abusive relationship as they may not even realize it’s happening.

1. “That never happened.”

Gaslighting often causes the victim to doubt themselves. Someone will do or say something abusive and then deny that it ever happened, says psychotherapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Tina B Tessinaina, PhD, in private practice.

“The victim starts questioning [their] instincts and relies more and more on the ‘reality’ that gets created and manipulated by the abuser. It also heightens a sense of dependency on the abuser,” says Tessina. 

You’re too sensitive.”

This is a phrase used by gaslighters to minimize and invalidate the victim’s feelings. If the victim tries to express hurt or disappointment, the gaslighter may tell them that they are making a big deal out of nothing.The intent is to make you feel stupid for even trying to stand up for yourself. Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to put up with the abusive behavior and stay in the relationship,” says Tessina.

“You have a terrible memory.” This is another common phrase gaslighters use to make victims doubt themselves. Of course, everybody experiences trouble with recalling certain details, but Tessina says gaslighters will make their victim doubt their memory as a whole, spanning a multitude of situations

They do this because getting a victim to question themselves is at the core of gaslighting. When a victim no longer trusts their assessments, the abuser is in complete control,” says Tessina. 

These are just a few examples of gaslighting and why it’s done. The one about the terrible memory is the one that has been pushed onto me.

Well dang my mind has shut down for now. So I’m going to get busy. Y’all have a great day

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Exciting News

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Ok folks I have been researching and researching for all kinds of information. I will be having some exciting news in the next few months. There will be lots of information coming in the next few months. I want to share with y’all now, but I can’t because I still have to cross all my T’s and dot all my I’s before I can spill the beans.

I know most of my posts have been all over the board. However I guess I’m still trying to find my niche so to say. I would like to ask the ones who are following me id they have anything particular they would like to read? What grabs your attention to say “hey this might be a good read”? Just curious as to what direction I should take this blogging. I will say I have been looking into blogging and taking a few free courses on writing. Things like how to find your niche, how to make a blog, as far as starting it all the way to finishing it. While I know I have not completely mastered it, I would appreciate the help in getting ideas that interest the ones who are following me. Maybe even get them to say “hhmm I think I’ll share this one, maybe some of my followers would find this interesting”. Let me just say to the ones who are following I appreciate y’all more than you know.

I am trying to break out of my comfort zone here, and to be honest I’m feeling a bit vulnerable. It’s a weird feeling to intentionally put yourself in a vulnerable position. But here I am doing it. I really am trying to get my self confidence back. I am learning new things to get the ball rolling and expand my horizons I will no longer except failure, I will simply say this is not a failure, but a detour, and I will take other avenues to reach my destination. My dad always said “not beats a failure but a try” He used to always say things to inspire someone. and his enthusiasm at trying new things made you feel excited and positive about this new adventure. Some day I may do a blog about this guy. I have to say he was my anchor, and I miss him terribly. I honestly feel like I died when he did. The sad thing about that is, he would be so disappointed in me. Because while he knew death was inevitable, he lived his life to the fullest. So I need to start doing that again. I need to live. Because I know that’s what he would want me to do. I can say he and I had an understanding and a respect for life and death, we viewed it differently than most people.

Now moving forward there will be no more defeats, It will be just a detour. So before I end this blog please let me know some of the things you would be interested in reading about. and thank you for your time. have an awesome blessed day.

✌❤

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https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

Trauma Bond

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Did you know trauma bond makes you physcologically addicted to abuse and it explains why when you go NO CONTACT feels like you’re coming of a drug. It also explains why men and women are attracted to narcissistic partners.

This is probably why I stay single. I know I can’t trust myself. Kind of like an addict, if you take one drink, you’re right back to drinking again. That goes for anything you’re addicted to, be it alcohol, cigarettes, meth, you name it, if you take it ONE MORE TIME your hooked. That’s why it’s dangerous for an empath to connect with a narcissist. I think that because as an empath we don’t take pleasure in hurting people. We always want to lift them, make them feel worthy, because we know the feeling of worthlessness.

To be honest, if you find yourself in a relationship with an empath, you better take a step back and really look at what you have. Because an empath will go above and beyond to keep things working. An empath will move mountains, to meet your demands. But if that empath walks out of your life, just know he/she is gone. Because you finally broke him/her. This person has ran out of reasons to keep trying.

  • Ignorance of abusive tactics. Most people are conditioned to believe that abuse requires some sort of physical mark and only happens to uneducated people. But there are seven categories of abuse: physical, emotional, verbal, mental, sexual, financial, and spiritual. And most studies show that abuse is prevalent in all socioeconomic groups, cultures, intelligence levels, and ages. Thinking that It cant happen to me, is the easiest way to fall prey to an abusive person.
  • Attractive abuser. Narcissists are famous for looking good in front of others with their charming personality and attractive appearance. During the initial engagement with a narcissist, they tend to become everything the other person is looking for in a partner. They love bomb the person with generous amounts of affection, attention, and gifts. The prospective partner believes this is the real person. But it is not and this shell game can only last so long which is why they move the relationship very quickly into something more permanent.
  • Initial angry outbursts. In the beginning, when the narcissist explodes, it seems so out of character. So the partner easily accepts the narcissistic explanation of blame shifting as an excuse for their behavior. Slowly, the narcissist starts to criticize their partner by saying, You made me so mad. The partner, desperately wanting things to return back to the initial encounters molds themselves into whatever the narcissist says they need. Unfortunately, one transformation is not enough and the narcissist begins to demand more and more.
  • It becomes addictive. The harder it is to please the narcissist, the harder the partner tries. Achieving some small token of gratification becomes a drug of sorts. The partner gets a high out of obtaining even small amounts of the love bombing from before. It is no different than an addiction to a drug. The first trip is the best and every one after that fails by comparison yet the person is hooked so they keep trying over and over. The partner becomes unable to see their own fall in this downward spiral.
  • Addictions have rewards and consequences. The reward of addiction (in this case pleasing the narcissist) is a release of the happy hormone dopamine. This feeling of euphoria can make a person feel they can do anything. By contrast, the consequence of an addiction (when the narcissist becomes abusive) is a flooding of the stress hormone cortisol. This puts a person in fight, flight, freeze, or faint mode and diminishes a persons ability to think straight. It takes a good 36-72 hours for a person to recover fully from this hormone.
  • The addiction is hidden from the addict. Because the partner is not taking a drug, it is very hard to identify that they are even caught in an addictive cycle. This is why the abuse fog becomes so dense and the person is unable to see what is happening. Even when confronted by others outside of the relationship, they still struggle to see what is occurring. Plus, the narcissist tends to isolate the partner from anyone and everyone who might be a threat to them. This makes leaving even harder.
  • Inability to detach. Even when the partner wakes up and tries to leave, the narcissist pulls them back with promises of returning things to the former existence. Because the narcissist has an intense fear of abandonment, they cannot allow a person close to them to leave. And they will do, say, and fake anything they need to just to keep their partner in the relationship. The mask of the narcissists former self comes out again but once again, it is short lived. As soon as the partner has returned, the mask is smashed as the partner is even more ensnared.
  • Addicted to the mask. Even when times get bad, the addiction to the mask of the narcissist is so strong now after all of the reinforcement. The fear that life can never be as good without the mask of the narcissist traps the partner into staying. Just the thought of leaving again causes panic attacks, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. The darker a person gets, the harder it is to take action to leave which is exactly what bonds them to the narcissist.

Let me just say it is difficult to leave. There are a lot of moving parts. Fear, anxiety, failure, just to name a few will dance around in your head. When and IF you do leave, you will feel like it was better with the narcissist, because that’s what’s normal to you. Because trust and believe YOU WILL BE OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. But with strenght, and hopefully a support of some sort you will learn to live YOUR life. Ok blogged for the day. Sometimes I wish I knew how to write a book. 😂 you know because I have such GREAT writing skills. 😁 look below 👇 my links

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

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