It hurts when I look at you
You chin raised so high
So full of self-virtue
You don’t hear my cry
Your eyes full of judgement
As you survey around
Your lips spill your disappointment
As my confidence you pound
Your words so critical
Delivered with a smile
Your opinion of me brutal
Your own child you revile
For years I have tried
To earn more than your love
Needing your friendship, respect and pride
And receiving none of the above
Locked together by blood
Our family ties tight
What should be ours sacred
Has been killed by the never-ending fight
So please believe me when I say
That our time has reached its end
I never meant for it to be this way
But my life I’m no longer willing to defend
I miss what we could have had
But it was only a dream
I like my life good or bad
And no longer look to gain your esteem
It hurts when you look at me
Wanting to be close
And knowing we never will be
Not mother and daughter… now only foes
Here’s another poem I came across. The writer touched on every aspect of having a narcissistic parent.
When you don’t understand, or don’t know what narcissism is, you will forever spin your wheels trying to appease a narcissistic person. It’s difficult for a child to even comprehend what is going on. Not to mention that it is so very damaging to a child growing up in that environment. That child will grow up confused. To say the least.
I have JUST recently delved into reading and researching about Narcissistic personality disorder. Let me just say it is rather complicated. Because first and foremost a narcissistic person would NEVER admit there might be a problem with them. No no no! It will ALWAYS be the other persons fault.
As far as reading up on this subject. I have learned a few tricks. I have responded differently towards this person. Which has helped with having fewer full blown arguments. Because bottom line is you will NEVER win an argument (debate) with a narcissistic person. That is their passion to argue. They love to argue so they can say mean hurtful things to belittle you, and discard you. ( for the time being) Then they shower you with love JUST enough for you to let your guard down. ALL the while filling away all your responses and trigger points back into their memory bank, ONLY to use it against you in the next attack.
Having that happen to you as a child really wreaks havoc on the mind. But that’s another topic.
In my reading and learning on narcissism, I have noticed that most of my reading ALWAYS says to leave that person. Cut all ties with said person. Don’t answer phone calls, texts, or email. Even if said person sends you a card or letter through tge mail simply write return to sender. DO NOT open. And yes that’s what you do if your leaving a narcissistic partner. But it’s not that easy if you have a narcissistic parent. That parent will get older and need your help. My conscious will not allow me to abandoned her. She drives my absolutely batty at times. But she is my mom and I love her.
I know this is part of my problem. I can fix what ever is wrong. I think that’s a part of being raised by a narcissistic parent. We are constantly seeking validation from that parent. We or at least I did, became obsessed with getting a genuine complement. Some sort of validation from her. That’s enough for today. Whew this was not an easy thing to do.