So I woke up this morning got my coffee ans was just about to go to wordpress, when I grabbed my phone, some how the goofle opened and the seen an article. This is the title of said article
Physical touch during early life appears to play a key role in moral development, according to new psychology research. I skimmed through the article. But it reminded me of a conversation my son and I had. I never realized I did this, but my son pointed it out to me. Actually there was two main things that was pointed out to me by my son. So the touch. I for one when I had him wanted to keep him in my arms, and hold him ever so gently, but tightly in my arms for ever. He was so perfect. But as we all know the little munchkins have to grow up. Then THEY don’t don’t want your arms any more. Because in reality, they ARE learning and growing. But as for me, I just wanted to hold him in my arms, keeping him safe. As I’ve mentioned before in other blogs, my son and I are very close. He has ALWAYS known that no matter what the problem may be, he was alway safe to talk to me. So by this point my son is an adult, and we had a conversation about how I raised him. He mentioned a few things, but the two that stuck out to me was that I always touched him, and the other was, I never yelled at him.
I hadn’t realized either one. So he explains, as far as the touch, he told me there was times he would be lying on the couch watching TV, or playing a game, and as I walked past him, I would apply a gentle touch, maybe gently rub his head, or a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, but he said I touched him often. He also said he liked it because it gave him a sense of calmness. Now as far as the yelling, I know that in order for me to yell, you REALLY must have hit the nerve, because I am just not a person to yell. For one I don’t like being yelled at, therefore I will not yell at you.
Full disclosure I did not read the article from beginning to end. But it doesn’t take Einstein, to know, the simple and kind act of touch goes a long way. For one it stimulates the brain. Hugging and other forms of nonsexual touching cause your brain to release oxytocin, known as the “bonding hormone.”
Well that’s the read for today. But please keep your eyes open I will soon be having some interesting content, or at least I think interesting.
Ok folks I have been researching and researching for all kinds of information. I will be having some exciting news in the next few months. There will be lots of information coming in the next few months. I want to share with y’all now, but I can’t because I still have to cross all my T’s and dot all my I’s before I can spill the beans.
I know most of my posts have been all over the board. However I guess I’m still trying to find my niche so to say. I would like to ask the ones who are following me id they have anything particular they would like to read? What grabs your attention to say “hey this might be a good read”? Just curious as to what direction I should take this blogging. I will say I have been looking into blogging and taking a few free courses on writing. Things like how to find your niche, how to make a blog, as far as starting it all the way to finishing it. While I know I have not completely mastered it, I would appreciate the help in getting ideas that interest the ones who are following me. Maybe even get them to say “hhmm I think I’ll share this one, maybe some of my followers would find this interesting”. Let me just say to the ones who are following I appreciate y’all more than you know.
I am trying to break out of my comfort zone here, and to be honest I’m feeling a bit vulnerable. It’s a weird feeling to intentionally put yourself in a vulnerable position. But here I am doing it. I really am trying to get my self confidence back. I am learning new things to get the ball rolling and expand my horizons I will no longer except failure, I will simply say this is not a failure, but a detour, and I will take other avenues to reach my destination. My dad always said “not beats a failure but a try” He used to always say things to inspire someone. and his enthusiasm at trying new things made you feel excited and positive about this new adventure. Some day I may do a blog about this guy. I have to say he was my anchor, and I miss him terribly. I honestly feel like I died when he did. The sad thing about that is, he would be so disappointed in me. Because while he knew death was inevitable, he lived his life to the fullest. So I need to start doing that again. I need to live. Because I know that’s what he would want me to do. I can say he and I had an understanding and a respect for life and death, we viewed it differently than most people.
Now moving forward there will be no more defeats, It will be just a detour. So before I end this blog please let me know some of the things you would be interested in reading about. and thank you for your time. have an awesome blessed day.
Did you know trauma bond makes you physcologically addicted to abuse and it explains why when you go NO CONTACT feels like you’re coming of a drug. It also explains why men and women are attracted to narcissistic partners.
This is probably why I stay single. I know I can’t trust myself. Kind of like an addict, if you take one drink, you’re right back to drinking again. That goes for anything you’re addicted to, be it alcohol, cigarettes, meth, you name it, if you take it ONE MORE TIME your hooked. That’s why it’s dangerous for an empath to connect with a narcissist. I think that because as an empath we don’t take pleasure in hurting people. We always want to lift them, make them feel worthy, because we know the feeling of worthlessness.
To be honest, if you find yourself in a relationship with an empath, you better take a step back and really look at what you have. Because an empath will go above and beyond to keep things working. An empath will move mountains, to meet your demands. But if that empath walks out of your life, just know he/she is gone. Because you finally broke him/her. This person has ran out of reasons to keep trying.
Ignorance of abusive tactics. Most people are conditioned to believe that abuse requires some sort of physical mark and only happens to uneducated people. But there are seven categories of abuse: physical, emotional, verbal, mental, sexual, financial, and spiritual. And most studies show that abuse is prevalent in all socioeconomic groups, cultures, intelligence levels, and ages. Thinking that It cant happen to me, is the easiest way to fall prey to an abusive person.
Attractive abuser. Narcissists are famous for looking good in front of others with their charming personality and attractive appearance. During the initial engagement with a narcissist, they tend to become everything the other person is looking for in a partner. They love bomb the person with generous amounts of affection, attention, and gifts. The prospective partner believes this is the real person. But it is not and this shell game can only last so long which is why they move the relationship very quickly into something more permanent.
Initial angry outbursts. In the beginning, when the narcissist explodes, it seems so out of character. So the partner easily accepts the narcissistic explanation of blame shifting as an excuse for their behavior. Slowly, the narcissist starts to criticize their partner by saying, You made me so mad. The partner, desperately wanting things to return back to the initial encounters molds themselves into whatever the narcissist says they need. Unfortunately, one transformation is not enough and the narcissist begins to demand more and more.
It becomes addictive. The harder it is to please the narcissist, the harder the partner tries. Achieving some small token of gratification becomes a drug of sorts. The partner gets a high out of obtaining even small amounts of the love bombing from before. It is no different than an addiction to a drug. The first trip is the best and every one after that fails by comparison yet the person is hooked so they keep trying over and over. The partner becomes unable to see their own fall in this downward spiral.
Addictions have rewards and consequences. The reward of addiction (in this case pleasing the narcissist) is a release of the happy hormone dopamine. This feeling of euphoria can make a person feel they can do anything. By contrast, the consequence of an addiction (when the narcissist becomes abusive) is a flooding of the stress hormone cortisol. This puts a person in fight, flight, freeze, or faint mode and diminishes a persons ability to think straight. It takes a good 36-72 hours for a person to recover fully from this hormone.
The addiction is hidden from the addict. Because the partner is not taking a drug, it is very hard to identify that they are even caught in an addictive cycle. This is why the abuse fog becomes so dense and the person is unable to see what is happening. Even when confronted by others outside of the relationship, they still struggle to see what is occurring. Plus, the narcissist tends to isolate the partner from anyone and everyone who might be a threat to them. This makes leaving even harder.
Inability to detach. Even when the partner wakes up and tries to leave, the narcissist pulls them back with promises of returning things to the former existence. Because the narcissist has an intense fear of abandonment, they cannot allow a person close to them to leave. And they will do, say, and fake anything they need to just to keep their partner in the relationship. The mask of the narcissists former self comes out again but once again, it is short lived. As soon as the partner has returned, the mask is smashed as the partner is even more ensnared.
Addicted to the mask. Even when times get bad, the addiction to the mask of the narcissist is so strong now after all of the reinforcement. The fear that life can never be as good without the mask of the narcissist traps the partner into staying. Just the thought of leaving again causes panic attacks, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. The darker a person gets, the harder it is to take action to leave which is exactly what bonds them to the narcissist.
Let me just say it is difficult to leave. There are a lot of moving parts. Fear, anxiety, failure, just to name a few will dance around in your head. When and IF you do leave, you will feel like it was better with the narcissist, because that’s what’s normal to you. Because trust and believe YOU WILL BE OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. But with strenght, and hopefully a support of some sort you will learn to live YOUR life. Ok blogged for the day. Sometimes I wish I knew how to write a book. you know because I have such GREAT writing skills. look below my links
The effects of psychological and narcissistic abuse come with many devastating consequences, but there are two that almost no one knows about unless they’re a doctor or neuroscientist.
In fact, these two outcomes may be the most destructive result of emotional trauma over the long-term and is an added reason why if you have children with a narcissistic partner you should try to leave as soon as reasonably possible.
I grew up in a narcissistic house where one of my parents was a covert narcissist. The covert narcissist is very secretive. No one outside the house hold would even consider entertaining the idea of said person to be a narcissist in any way shape or form. But if you’ve been the target of a covert narcissist, only you know who this person really is. You know the cruel things this person says to you. Only you know the gaslighting this person does to you. I’ve noticed changes within myself that I feel are the effects of this abuse. Please don’t think I’m playing victim here, because I’m not, however I’m blogging this to try and help others to recognise the abuse and know THEY are NOT the problem. I am hoping this will help them to make the changes needed to begin living a normal happy life. But to also seek help because as I wrote in the first part of this blog, long term narcissistic abuse can effect the brain. I am just now learning about this and want to share this for anybody who find themselves in an abusive relationship, or even come to terms with a parent being a narcissist.
I have blogged about how I used to be as a person. I used to be a fun person. I found humor in a lot of situations. I had funny comebacks. I had a mind that was strong. But through the years, I feel like my mind is not as sharp as it used to be. Through the years of having to account, or answer for EVERY detail of why….. Just as an example…. I most often now days just pull my hair up into a ponytail. But from time to time I might just do a half ponytail and leave half down. But when I do that, I get asked why do you have your hair like that? Quite frankly there’s no rhym or reason, I simply wanted to do the half ponytail. But in the mind of a narcissist there IS a hidden reason, and come hell or high water they WILL attach a reason to it; and that’s with EVERY aspect of your LIFE. If you’re the target of a narcissist, your life WILL be scrutinized. With EVERY move you make. You’re criticized on every little thing, and every word you say WILL be held against you. Be it your driving, the way you cook, the clothes you wear. And YOU are certainly held accountable for ANYTHING you say. For example. You say your plan is to try a new recipe for a dessert. BUT the day got away from you and decide to try it another time. Now comes the criticism. YOU didn’t do that new recipe YOU said you was going to try. Now we don’t have dessert after dinner tonight. (But it goes on with) sure would have been nice to try that new recipe. But somebody got lazy and decided not to try it. Maybe she lost her confidence and was afraid it wouldn’t be good. The narcissist means it to be harmful, to make you feel guilty, OH but the moment you try to defend yourself, NOW the narcissist was only kidding. NOW you’re too sensitive, NOW you don’t have to be so defensive. ( gas lighting)
I dislike using the (PTSD) because I really think it’s overused. But When I notice someone is gas lighting another person, (internally) I get so angry. I see and hear it, but I can’t say anything. Because of fear. I don’t want to make waves and create a problem for the other person being gaslighted. But I want to rescue that person, yet I don’t know if this person even realizes what’s really happening.
Other things a narcissist will do is use projection/gaslighting. They use this as distraction from their behavior. One thing a narcissist despise is staying on topic when there is an argument. They will bring up other topics that wasn’t even about the topic at hand. The next thing you know you’re arguing about something that may or may not have even occured. Being raised by a narcissist, as a child is confusing, becoming an adult from being raised by a narcissistic person is just as confusing, because you wasn’t allowed to have boundaries growing up, so you now as an adult have no boundaries. Then because of the way you was raised, you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist. Because of the way you was raised it’s normalized. ( I hope this makes sense) Because I am now trying to make my life make sense.
I tend to get lost in my writing and go all over the place. I’m not even sure if anybody can comprehend what I’m trying to convey in some of my blogs. But here I am killin it. If anything maybe some folks get a good laugh at my writing skills. but at least I made someone smile or laugh. So I’m ok with that. And yes as always here’s my links to a few items I make. Trying to make my hobby a source of income until I hopefully soon get a job. Thanks for reading, and or clicking on my links. In the meantime I’m gonba try and get tiktok famous kidding I know I don’t have the personality to do it.
Time is an illusion, rising from time Steep is the mountain which we climb
24 hours in a days time. I remember when I was working, I never had time to do much. I get up go to the gym, then be at work by 6.a.m. Sometimes 5.a.m. I liked going to the gym super early because it wasn’t crowded. So I wasn’t intimidated by the gym rats. I don’t mean it in a bad way. I probably shouldn’t use the term gym rat, but I really mean no harm by it. I did call my supervisor a gym rat once, it was only my second day on the job. Yep you guessed it, STORY TIME.
So, I was working at this company that made valves for fracking. I was hired by a temp agency, as they needed a few people dedicated to cleaning the valves.
The valves have something called polyurethane ( NO CLUE) what that actually is, but it’s some type of hard rubber like material; so you had to heat the valves to a certain temperature in order to cut the polyurethane off, then you had to use a grinder to grind the rest of it off. It sounds easy enough, however that polyurethane is HARD to cut. Quick description of my supervisor, he had chiseled muscles very defined, you knew he spent A LOT of time in the gym. He was also very arrogant, had the Napoleon syndrome. Because he was short. well maybe an inch or 2 taller than me. So after he showed me and the other new guy how to cut them off he had us do one just to see how we did it. Jeremiah went first, boom bam done. Now me. First off I don’t like people breathing down my neck as I’m learning something new, and Thats JUST what he did. So I heated up the valve got ready to cut and was seriously struggling, he’s behind me “coaching” me along, and I popped off with this is hard to cut, not everybody is a gym rat like you. Jeremiah bout fell out laughing, and Mr. Campbell was beaming with pride, because it informed him that his muscles was recognized.
So as I was saying about time. When you’re working you’re so focused on the day to day agenda you know what times are allotted for each task of the day. Like mine was Monday – Friday wake up 2.a.m. Leave the house by 2:30.a.m be at the gym by 3.a.m. Do 30 – 45 minutes on treadmill( NOT RUNNING) But walking, starting out as a gentle walk and increasing to a kind of speed walk. God knows I was in no shape or form able to run. but I was working on it. Then I got laid off, and the pLandemic hit. I have always been used to being busy, my time was dedicated to work, and suddenly I had all the freetime I wanted. I didn’t know what to do. All I ever did was wake up go to work, come home and do it again. But I had no work to go to. So I start crafting. Now I’ve taken up sewing. And time is getting away from me. And now I’ve lost my point of this blog. Because I have spent so much time writing it, and at the same time thinking about my projects I need to get finushed. So heres another spontaneous blog with absolutely no content just about time and how it does seem like an illusion. But I leave you with this, cherish your time. Make time and memories with your loved ones. Don’t waste time arguing, especially when it’s a loved one. Because one day will come when we won’t have our loved one to spend time with. But time will always be there. And of course my links
This word can be very powerful. For those who have never suffered being dependant, will never know how powerful one word can be. Yesterday I spoke on addiction and how you depend on what ever you’re addicted to take off the edge. I talked about addiction to nicotine.
But today, I want to talk anout another form of independence. The one where you literally have to learn how to live alone.
This type of independence is very scary. It feels like you’re walking on a high wire with out a net.
Often times people find themselves in an abusive relationship. It’s so wierd how it happens. Most often the abuse so suttle, you, dismiss it as a misunderstanding.
But what you don’t realize is, you’re being manipulated. Mind games are being played and you don’t even realize it. You try to do sonething nice, the abuser knows your trying to appease them, and all the while laughing at your attempts to appease him. You end up being consumed with thoughts of how to keep him satified. How to keep him from getting angry. You worry about if the house is clean enough. Because you know if one thing is out of place it could set him off. Now understand, he’s not abusive everyday. There would be times he comes home and he literally acts like you don’t even exist. In fact that can go on for days it’s as if you’ve been discarded for the time being. Those was the good days.
I have always been curious what others think, emotional abuse vs physical abuse, which one is worse. With physical abuse, the bruises will go away. That’s what I’ve heard people say. But when some one you love and who loves you, hits you; that’s not only physical abuse, but it’s emotional as well. I personally don’t think one is worse than the other. I think they’re equally bad.
So I was in a 15 years relationship with an abusive alcoholic. He only physically hit me a few times. But the emotional abuse was constant. Only I didn’t see it clearly in the beginning, because it was so very subtle. Plus I myself was so focused on having a family I couldn’t see he was playing mind games.
But once you realize this is not the life you want; then comes the task of mustering up the courage needed to remove yourself from a bad situation. I have a few tips to give for anybody trying to leave an abusive relationship.
As with just about any and everything you have to have a plan. Stick to that plan as best you can. To start with make sure you have a dependable support person, or group. These people will be your shield. Because your abuser will try to win you back. This plan you have made to leave should include NO CONTACT. I know that if you have children that’s almost impossible, but this is where the support group comes in. They take the child for visitstion. The reason for the NO CONTACT is because you’re breaking another form of addiction. Rather you realize it or not you have become addicted to your abuser; because it is now familiar to you. You’re somewhat comfortable, you know what to expect; and now the thought of NOT depending in him is scary as hell. Just remember you want peace within you and YOUR life. This abuser will NEVER give you or let you have that peace.
My personal independence day was May of 2005.
Ok enough for today. And as usual I’ll leave you with my links. Oh and check out these cute little pot holders.
When I hear the word independence, I immediately think of the 4th of July. Independence Day, the Fourth (4th) of July is a public holiday in the United States of America that commemorates the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, which declared the original colonies to be free from British rule.
I just want to say This American life is the only life I’ve ever known. The freedom we all have seems to be taken for granted. But that’s not what I intend to blog about today.
But the word independence means free from outside control; not depending on another’s authority. There are many different types of authority. One example is addiction. Addiction is one of the strongest authorities you will ever come to know. Some how we obey that authority EVEN when we don’t want to.
In my younger years, I smoked weed. Now I still believe weed is not addictive, because I smoked it EVERY day for at least a year to a year and a half, then we left Texas and I didn’t have access like I did in Texas. I didn’t have withdrawals from it. Not only did I smoke weed, I would have a mixed drink or 2 or 3 every night with my good friend. I was 15 yrs old, but she was 25 soooo she became my drinking and smoking buddy. But as I said we (my family) left Texas. I didn’t know any body to smoke with in Florida, so I just didn’t smoke anymore. Of course I still would have a few drinks. But I never ended up addicted to alcohol, or beer. But the one thing I was addicted to, was the cigarette. Now I’m not proud of it, but I’ve been smoking since I was probably 13, or 14 years old. There’s a story here on the smoking situation. I’ll explain as quickly as I can. So I had a cousin who was about 2 years older than me. I found out she was smoking cigarettes. So because they was keeping it a secret, once they knew I knew, her dad decided to tell my mom that they, are allowing Tina to smoke cigarettes. Now her dad is informing my mom about this smoking situation as he’s leaving. So mom says ” well she’s your daughter, long as Bea’s not smoking it’s y’alls business” She said her goodbyes, closed the door, turned to me and asked me if I was smoking cigarettes with Tina. I said no ma’am. She responds with don’t lie to me. Now I’m scared, she THINKS I’m telling her a lie. My mind is racing to find the right answer to save me a butt whoopin. So I said ” ok maybe once or twice, but that’s it!” Now I don’t know why, but I remember she went and bought me a pack of cigarettes. I didn’t even know HOW to smoke. I couldn’t figure out how to inhale without coughing. I hid in the garage until I learned to inhale without coughing. I was even more afraid that IF she KNEW I didn’t know how to smoke then she would know I was telling the truth about NOT smoking with my cousin. BUT, still be in trouble because I lied, saying that I did smoke with her when I didn’t JUST to save myself a whoopin, that now if she knows I lied to get out of a whoopin it, ( the whoopin) will be worse.
Now through out the years I have quit smoking, ONLY to start up again. But honestly, I never REALLY wanted to quit. I enjoyed the taste, and feel of taking a draw off the cigarette, and feeling the cool menthol assault my lungs. However I have managed to quit smoking. This time I have quit with conviction. I will no longer be controlled by these cigarettes. But you HAVE to be stronger than your addiction. Because you WILL have a battle of the WILLS. The addicted part of your mind will do it’s BEST to convince you that it’s ok to do it one time, just to take the edge off. But the mind that wants to quit has to tell the addction part that THAT is a lie. Because both parts of the mind know darn good and well if there is a pack of cigarettes you’re not going to smoke just one. Your addicted brain is ok with that, but the part that wants to quit will mentally abuse you. But the one thing I have learn with nicotine, is it usually takes up to 3 days for the nicotine fully leaves the blood.
There are a few things you can try IF you want to quit smoking. First and foremost DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP. This takes time, and conviction. Chances are high, that you wont succeed on the first attempt, and that’s ok. But pay attention to habits, and real need(fix) there is a difference between the two. Once you recognize “habit” then you can start to eliminate one “habit” at a time. Some of my habits was…
Get in the car, light up.
Phone call, light up
Take a walk to the mailbox, yep light up.
After dinner ( although this one falls into both habit and addiction)
Those are a few, but the last one does fall under both categories of habit and addiction, however, try to prolong THE (after dinner mint) at least until the desire to smoke has decreased. Trust me I KNOW that after dinner mint is the BEST top off. Little by little if we stop the habits then we can focus on the addiction. That’s when the real work comes in. That’s when you focus on WHY you want to quit, and take the challenge to fight and be stronger than that addiction. You’ll find each time your desire to smoke decreases and the strong urge to smoke don’t last too long, if you ride the storm and keep your focus on being stronger than…
Another meaning for independence is when you finally have the courage to leave an abusive relationship. But I’ll write more on that tomorrow. For now this will do. Because I really have to start my day.
It took me 15 years to realize I needed to take a stand and put an end to this madness.
Don’t get me wrong. We broke up a thousand times. Each time I hought it was me taking a stand, only to fall back to his charm, and believe his lies. Because of my lack of boundaries. Each time I forgave him, I was, in his mind telling him it’s ok, and please continue to belittle, and humiliate me, because I JUST want someone to love me; and this is the price I’m willing to pay.
But you see growing up vying for validation was embedded in me, it was normal. Ok … I’ll admit, I am that person who has her sunglasses on top of her head and will TEAR the house up looking for them. You know, that old saying “can’t see tge forest for the trees”
Well there was one person I can say did love me unconditionally. He was my step dad. It felt wierd just now, referring to him as my step dad. He raised me from the time I was 5yrs old into adulthood. He never stopped loving me no matter what battles we had. Let me tell ya we had some rough patches. But that’s another blog.
As I stated it took me 15 years to make my stand. But to be fair, my son was my rock in that situation. He was almost 14 years old, his dad and I had just had another round of his binge drinking. He would literally drink 3 to 4 18pack of beer a day and chase it with tequila for 10 to 15 days straight. I honestly believe he was doing something else because in the days he would drink he never did sleep. And if I tried to sleep he would disturb my sleep. So on one of those binge days, I was trying to get him to eat something. He told me to cook something and after this beer he will eat. So I cooked, but he didn’t eat, so I started opening his beers and pouring them down the sink, he managed to save one, but he ended up throwing it at me, that was the first time our son ever seen him hit me. My son was so angry he somehow slung him across the kitchen yelling at him. I knew then, if I stayed things will get worse between him and his dad.
So a few days after that scene my son says why don’t we just move mom, dad doesn’t love us, we should just leave.
So from that point I started looking for us a place to live. I found us an apartment. I know he didn’t really think I was leaving him, because I was the one to call it quits instead of him calling it quits. He thought he was. Calling my bluff. He was in fact laughing at me, saying things like how many times have we been here? You’re never going to find someone like me. Nobody will ever love you like I do. You’re never going to make it on your own. Typical things a narcissist would say.
I told him it don’t matter how many times we been here, THIS is the last time. As far as me finding someone, thats the least of my concern, but if I do find someone I pray to God he AIN’T like you; and I will work however many jobs it takes to make it.
I actually left him, and never went back. It was hard the first year, but then I got a second job and it made things a bit easier. I have been gone from him since May of 2005. We are now in 2021 and I’m still standing strong.
I did say my son was my rock, but my dad had a big part in it also. I really don’t think I would have made it without those two in my life.
I am still single, but I’m ok with that. I can’t trust myself. I know that I am the one who will give my all. To be honest I really think my ex broke me. I used to write little notes when I packed his lunch. I would say things like ” love you have a good day” but he actually told me not to do that. Now I think that if I was to get into a relationship I wouldn’t even know how to love said person. I don’t even think I have a (love language) any more. But any way who knows what the future holds. Just take it one day at a time.
As I’ve said I hope to help someone with this blog on narcissistic personality, and empaths. I’m sure if an empath stumbles upon this blog they will be the one to see a little bit of them in this blog before a narcissist will. It’s understood a narcissist is never the problem. Because they are never wrong, and they will gaslight you into believing you’re the problem. I don’t even think I touched on the gaslighting. But that’s another blog. This one has drained me for now. Re-visiting my past is never easy. But it helps in the healing. I don’t have my das here anymore to talk to when I need to vent, or just need reassuring. Blogging helps.
So I leave you with of course my links in hopes of someone visiting my shop.
Empath sounds like some type of witchcraft, or sorcery. There are different types of Empaths, I will give a few here so as to get a better understanding.
1. Physical Empath You are especially attuned to other people’s physical symptoms and tend to absorb them into your body. You also can become energized by someone’s sense of well-being. For example, if a physical empath’s friend is complaining about sharp stomach pains, the physical empath might start to feel a similar pain in their own body.
2. Emotional Empath You mainly pick up other people’s emotions and can become a sponge for their feelings, both happy and sad. Orloff give this example for what an emotional empath is: “They can sit beside a depressed person while watching a comedy and walk out of the movie theater feeling depressed. How? The other person’s energy field overlaps with the empath’s field during the film.”
3. Intuitive Empath You experience extraordinary perceptions such as heightened intuition, telepathy, messages in dreams, animal and plant communication, as well as contact with the other side. Intuitive empaths can be broken down further into these seven types (heads up that this veers more into the spiritual than scientific):
Telepathic Empaths receive intuitive information about others in present time.
Precognitive Empaths have premonitions about the future while awake or dreaming.
Dream Empaths are avid dreamers and can receive intuitive information from dreams that helps others and guides them in their own lives.
Mediumship Empaths can access spirits on the other side.
Plant Empaths can feel the needs of plants and connect with their essence.
Earth Empaths are attuned to changes in our planet, our solar system and the weather.
Animal Empaths can tune into animals and communicate with them.
Physical, emotional, and intuitive seems more reasonable to me. However, I struggle from telepathic on down. I’m not saying they are not a thing, but for me that’s where I feel like it’s sorcery, It could be that I’ve never experienced it, or witnessed it; And as close as I’ve ever came to communicating with spirits, are dreams of loved ones who have passed. I had a dream of my granny shortly after she passed, in short she came to tell me she was going home, and in the dream she hugged me, but, I physically felt her arms around me and hugging me. When my dad passed I had several dreams of him. But the one that plays over and over in my mind is when he told me he’s not dead, there was a mistake in the paperwork. I’ve also had dreams of my Aunt, and my cousin. But I don’t think those are whats considered “talking to spirits” and as usual I digress.
Being an empath can be draining on a person. Depending on who you’re around it can, not only physically drain you, but emotionally drain you as well.
When I first met my sons father, he was sweet, and kind. I was 20 (young and dumb) he was 26. I had no idea where our relationship was going, or even if he was looking for a future with me, or if he was just being your typical male with typical interests (to keep it clean).
We talked and “dated” for about a month before we took it up a level. Long story short five months later I was pregnant. And boy was that a fiasco. No we wasn’t married, nor was we even in talks of marriage or of any kind of future.
Once I discovered I was pregnant, it was all over the apartme complex we lived in. Now I had of course planned to tell him, but in MY time. However, the news got to him before I was able to. The thing is only my mom and my cousin knew, so the news was leaked. The manager’s husband of where we lived worked with my sons father, and I believe he was the one who leaked the news.
When he found out he came to me and asked me if it’s true that I’m pregnant. Of course I told him it’s true. He was upset about the whole thing, but mostly because he heard it from second hand rather than from me. Which I can understand. However he was also upset about the pregnancy, he didn’t want to have a baby. He literally told me his life is ruined. Now to be honest neither one of us was taking measures to prevent getting pregnant. I take full responsibility for my carelessness. However he did not. Because according to him it was all my fault. He in fact was so upset about it he told me to “fix it” which meant to have an abortion. Now having an abortion goes against EVERY fiber of my being. He tried to get me to have an abortion for 3 months. I finally told him I am having this baby with or without you. You can walk away right now, and forget you ever knew me. But if you walk away now, you can NEVER come back into my or my childs life EVER again. But if you stay, then we can work together and raise our child. He decided to stay. Unbeknownst to me it was for revenge. (This is another hindsight lesson)
I later realized he has narcissistic tendencies. You see when you’re raised by a covert narcissist, you don’t set boundaries because according to said narcissist you have no boundaries because she is your mother. So you inadvertently spend your time vying for approval. Only to be discarded.
That was the very thing I found myself doing with my relationship with my sons father. I felt I owed a bit of debt to him for the way he found out about my pregnancy. I spent a larger portion of the years of our relationship trying to mend that. He used my emotions against me. He played mind games with my emotions. He knew I had lost my biological dad when I was very young, he knew my struggle with wondering what life would have been if I hadn’t lost my dad. He also knew I didn’t want my son to not know his dad. I honestly believe he knew something was broken within me. I clearly showed him I had no boundaries, by my own actions. But when you spend your life vying for approval you’re so blinded by your goal, you don’t see yourself. In fact this was normal to me.
When you’re raised by a narcissistic parent the things you endure become normal, no matter how it made you feel.
I was in that relationship for 15 years. I was constantly being discarded, and ignored. Until he needed to be up lifted. There I am to the rescue (this time it will work he will see how much I love and care for him) but after he drained me of my compassion and empathy, I have been discarded yet again.
Now as I said he stayed with me but only for revenge. His every move was calculated to get a reaction from me. To cause discord between he and I. He would go out EVERY weekend, and stay out until at least 4:00 a.m.
I remember pacing the floor at night worried about if he was ok, if he was in an accident, or got into a fight, or went to jail, my mind would race faster than I paced the floor back and forth from my room to the living room just to see if I see his car parked out side. Then when he did get home he would sleep the whole next day, only to get up shower and go out again and return late. There I am all by myself. Of course I would tell myself ” he worked hard all week, he deserves to go out now and again”. But it was EVERY single weekend. After a couple months I asked him if we could do something as a family one weekend. He said sure whatever you would like to do. So I set up a plan for us to go to the zoo one weekend. All week long that’s all he talked about. Going to the zoo. But he went out Friday night didn’t come back till late and slept the entire day. I was disappointed. He told me to wake him up at a spacific time, I tried but he was truthfully hung over. So we didn’t go anywhere. But the disappointments kept coming. He didn’t want me to work, he used the excuse that he wanted me to stay home and take care of our son. But he didn’t take steps to allow me to do so. I mean he gave me an “allowance” of $30.00 a week. That was to buy groceries, the baby diapers, and wash clothes all week. I literally felt like a peasant. When he certainly made good money as a welder. He in fact made $25.00 an hour and almost ALWAYS had overtime. Yet here I am just trying to make this relationship work, when it never stood a snowballs chance in hell. But I can make it work. Or at least I think I can. I just need to do this or that better. I just need to let him be. Let him have fun and go out anytime he wants to. I never turned him down (romantically) I honestly thought THAT would keep him from cheating. Of course I was wrong. Because not only did he have narcissistic tendencies I believe he was a sex addict as well. Trust me that is a thing. That may one day be a topic for a blog.
So I’ll leave you with this fir now. Because time is getting away from me and I have so much to do. But as usual I will leave you with links to visit my shop. Come back tomorrow for part 3.
What IS an empath? An empath is someone who feels more empathy than the average person. These people are usually more accurate in recognizing emotions by looking at another person’s face. They are also more likely to recognize emotions earlier than other people and rate those emotions as being more intense.
What IS a narcissist? A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance.Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors. It’s not always this cut and dry of an explanation or definition of a narcissist. There are many different types of narcissistic people. I have blogged about the various types. I didn’t go too deep into it because I am no psychologist. I can only speak on my personal experience and knowledge.
Empaths are highly prone to anxiety, and are likely to struggle with digestive issues. They are often sensitive to the needs of others, but may not feel reciprocated.
Empaths have this uncontrollable need to “fix” the “broken” person.
One may ask, are empaths born or are they “created”? Psychology is a tricky thing. I’ve said before I’m no psychologist, I’ve not studied specifically on psychology, but more so focused on myself and my personal experiences. That being said, I have always been fascinated with psychology. So of course I delved into reading a lot of “self help” books. In fact my dad was visiting once and he was an avid reader. He noticed my little collection of books. He of course looked through them, and he found a couple that interested him and barrowed them. Then it was as if we had our own little book club. (I miss him so much) ok I digress. So as I’ve said I’ve delved into self help books; I did this because I needed to find out about myself. I am the person who feels emotions very deeply. I thought I had a 6th sense, just needed to learn how to read it. I could always feel when something bad was about to happen. I would have this gut feeling. ( literally) I would feel anxious, my stomach would be turning flips, my digestive track would be completely out of whack.
I have blogged about being raised by a narcissistic parent. How growing up in that environment, kept me confused. I never understood why I was being yelled at. I didn’t know then what I know now. I understand NOW, WHY, I was and still am her target.
The thing is narcissist are drawn to empaths. Because we have this way of absorbing their feelings or emotions. Most people who are an empath USUALLY have suffered some sort of trauma at a very young age. Childhood neglect or abuse can affect your sensitivity levels as an adult. Trauma such as emotional or physical abuse, or they were raised by alcoholic, depressed, or narcissistic parents.
An empath usually stems from trauma at a very young age. Often empaths are thought of as an old soul. In my case my childhood trauma was the loss of my biological dad. I was so young, but wasn’t oblivious to what was really going on. I remember very well sitting on the couch being concerned with bills, who was going to pay them. I remember being alone to console myself. Now that I’m older, and what patches of memories I have from my childhood, I can see why I associate or identify as an empath. I love to see people happy, and if they have a type of negative energy around them, I tend to make it a point to change that energy to positive, or at least try.
This will do for today. It’s already noon and I have a busy schedule today. But please do come back. I am hoping something from my blogs help at least one person. Maybe something from reading this will resonte with them and they start to take steps to healing from whatever may be troubling them. Because the reality is, we cannot change who people are, but we can work on ourselves, and our responses to the people around us.
As usual please shop around in my store. I can do all of whats there, I also offer gift baskets, and many freshly baked desserts. However as far as the baked goods, I can only ship IN the state of Texas. But all other items I ship all over United States. So please if you find interest in anything just ask me what you would like to know.