Empath And Narcissist Relationship pt3

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It took me 15 years to realize I needed to take a stand and put an end to this madness.

Don’t get me wrong. We broke up a thousand times. Each time I hought it was me taking a stand, only to fall back to his charm, and believe his lies. Because of my lack of boundaries. Each time I forgave him, I was, in his mind telling him it’s ok, and please continue to belittle, and humiliate me, because I JUST want someone to love me; and this is the price I’m willing to pay.

But you see growing up vying for validation was embedded in me, it was normal. Ok … I’ll admit, I am that person who has her sunglasses on top of her head and will TEAR the house up looking for them. You know, that old saying “can’t see tge forest for the trees”

Well there was one person I can say did love me unconditionally. He was my step dad. It felt wierd just now, referring to him as my step dad. He raised me from the time I was 5yrs old into adulthood. He never stopped loving me no matter what battles we had. Let me tell ya we had some rough patches. But that’s another blog.

As I stated it took me 15 years to make my stand. But to be fair, my son was my rock in that situation. He was almost 14 years old, his dad and I had just had another round of his binge drinking. He would literally drink 3 to 4 18pack of beer a day and chase it with tequila for 10 to 15 days straight. I honestly believe he was doing something else because in the days he would drink he never did sleep. And if I tried to sleep he would disturb my sleep. So on one of those binge days, I was trying to get him to eat something. He told me to cook something and after this beer he will eat. So I cooked, but he didn’t eat, so I started opening his beers and pouring them down the sink, he managed to save one, but he ended up throwing it at me, that was the first time our son ever seen him hit me. My son was so angry he somehow slung him across the kitchen yelling at him. I knew then, if I stayed things will get worse between him and his dad.

So a few days after that scene my son says why don’t we just move mom, dad doesn’t love us, we should just leave.

So from that point I started looking for us a place to live. I found us an apartment. I know he didn’t really think I was leaving him, because I was the one to call it quits instead of him calling it quits. He thought he was. Calling my bluff. He was in fact laughing at me, saying things like how many times have we been here? You’re never going to find someone like me. Nobody will ever love you like I do. You’re never going to make it on your own. Typical things a narcissist would say.

I told him it don’t matter how many times we been here, THIS is the last time. As far as me finding someone, thats the least of my concern, but if I do find someone I pray to God he AIN’T like you; and I will work however many jobs it takes to make it.

I actually left him, and never went back. It was hard the first year, but then I got a second job and it made things a bit easier. I have been gone from him since May of 2005. We are now in 2021 and I’m still standing strong.

I did say my son was my rock, but my dad had a big part in it also. I really don’t think I would have made it without those two in my life.

I am still single, but I’m ok with that. I can’t trust myself. I know that I am the one who will give my all. To be honest I really think my ex broke me. I used to write little notes when I packed his lunch. I would say things like ” love you have a good day” but he actually told me not to do that. Now I think that if I was to get into a relationship I wouldn’t even know how to love said person. I don’t even think I have a (love language) any more. But any way who knows what the future holds. Just take it one day at a time.

As I’ve said I hope to help someone with this blog on narcissistic personality, and empaths. I’m sure if an empath stumbles upon this blog they will be the one to see a little bit of them in this blog before a narcissist will. It’s understood a narcissist is never the problem. Because they are never wrong, and they will gaslight you into believing you’re the problem. I don’t even think I touched on the gaslighting. But that’s another blog. This one has drained me for now. Re-visiting my past is never easy. But it helps in the healing. I don’t have my das here anymore to talk to when I need to vent, or just need reassuring. Blogging helps.

So I leave you with of course my links in hopes of someone visiting my shop.

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Empath And Narcissist Relationship pt2

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Empath sounds like some type of witchcraft, or sorcery. There are different types of Empaths, I will give a few here so as to get a better understanding.

1. Physical Empath
You are especially attuned to other people’s physical symptoms and tend to absorb them into your body. You also can become energized by someone’s sense of well-being. For example, if a physical empath’s friend is complaining about sharp stomach pains, the physical empath might start to feel a similar pain in their own body. 

2. Emotional Empath
You mainly pick up other people’s emotions and can become a sponge for their feelings, both happy and sad. Orloff give this example for what an emotional empath is: “They can sit beside a depressed person while watching a comedy and walk out of the movie theater feeling depressed. How? The other person’s energy field overlaps with the empath’s field during the film.”

3. Intuitive Empath
You experience extraordinary perceptions such as heightened intuition, telepathy, messages in dreams, animal and plant communication, as well as contact with the other side. Intuitive empaths can be broken down further into these seven types (heads up that this veers more into the spiritual than scientific): 

  • Telepathic Empaths receive intuitive information about others in present time.
  • Precognitive Empaths have premonitions about the future while awake or dreaming.
  • Dream Empaths are avid dreamers and can receive intuitive information from dreams that helps others and guides them in their own lives.
  • Mediumship Empaths can access spirits on the other side.
  • Plant Empaths can feel the needs of plants and connect with their essence.
  • Earth Empaths are attuned to changes in our planet, our solar system and the weather.
  • Animal Empaths can tune into animals and communicate with them. 

Physical, emotional, and intuitive seems more reasonable to me. However, I struggle from telepathic on down. I’m not saying they are not a thing, but for me that’s where I feel like it’s sorcery, It could be that I’ve never experienced it, or witnessed it; And as close as I’ve ever came to communicating with spirits, are dreams of loved ones who have passed. I had a dream of my granny shortly after she passed, in short she came to tell me she was going home, and in the dream she hugged me, but, I physically felt her arms around me and hugging me. When my dad passed I had several dreams of him. But the one that plays over and over in my mind is when he told me he’s not dead, there was a mistake in the paperwork. I’ve also had dreams of my Aunt, and my cousin. But I don’t think those are whats considered “talking to spirits” and as usual I digress.

Being an empath can be draining on a person. Depending on who you’re around it can, not only physically drain you, but emotionally drain you as well.

When I first met my sons father, he was sweet, and kind. I was 20 (young and dumb) he was 26. I had no idea where our relationship was going, or even if he was looking for a future with me, or if he was just being your typical male with typical interests (to keep it clean).

We talked and “dated” for about a month before we took it up a level. Long story short five months later I was pregnant. And boy was that a fiasco. No we wasn’t married, nor was we even in talks of marriage or of any kind of future.

Once I discovered I was pregnant, it was all over the apartme complex we lived in. Now I had of course planned to tell him, but in MY time. However, the news got to him before I was able to. The thing is only my mom and my cousin knew, so the news was leaked. The manager’s husband of where we lived worked with my sons father, and I believe he was the one who leaked the news.

When he found out he came to me and asked me if it’s true that I’m pregnant. Of course I told him it’s true. He was upset about the whole thing, but mostly because he heard it from second hand rather than from me. Which I can understand. However he was also upset about the pregnancy, he didn’t want to have a baby. He literally told me his life is ruined. Now to be honest neither one of us was taking measures to prevent getting pregnant. I take full responsibility for my carelessness. However he did not. Because according to him it was all my fault. He in fact was so upset about it he told me to “fix it” which meant to have an abortion. Now having an abortion goes against EVERY fiber of my being. He tried to get me to have an abortion for 3 months. I finally told him I am having this baby with or without you. You can walk away right now, and forget you ever knew me. But if you walk away now, you can NEVER come back into my or my childs life EVER again. But if you stay, then we can work together and raise our child. He decided to stay. Unbeknownst to me it was for revenge. (This is another hindsight lesson)

I later realized he has narcissistic tendencies. You see when you’re raised by a covert narcissist, you don’t set boundaries because according to said narcissist you have no boundaries because she is your mother. So you inadvertently spend your time vying for approval. Only to be discarded.

That was the very thing I found myself doing with my relationship with my sons father. I felt I owed a bit of debt to him for the way he found out about my pregnancy. I spent a larger portion of the years of our relationship trying to mend that. He used my emotions against me. He played mind games with my emotions. He knew I had lost my biological dad when I was very young, he knew my struggle with wondering what life would have been if I hadn’t lost my dad. He also knew I didn’t want my son to not know his dad. I honestly believe he knew something was broken within me. I clearly showed him I had no boundaries, by my own actions. But when you spend your life vying for approval you’re so blinded by your goal, you don’t see yourself. In fact this was normal to me.

When you’re raised by a narcissistic parent the things you endure become normal, no matter how it made you feel.

I was in that relationship for 15 years. I was constantly being discarded, and ignored. Until he needed to be up lifted. There I am to the rescue (this time it will work he will see how much I love and care for him) but after he drained me of my compassion and empathy, I have been discarded yet again.

Now as I said he stayed with me but only for revenge. His every move was calculated to get a reaction from me. To cause discord between he and I. He would go out EVERY weekend, and stay out until at least 4:00 a.m.

I remember pacing the floor at night worried about if he was ok, if he was in an accident, or got into a fight, or went to jail, my mind would race faster than I paced the floor back and forth from my room to the living room just to see if I see his car parked out side. Then when he did get home he would sleep the whole next day, only to get up shower and go out again and return late. There I am all by myself. Of course I would tell myself ” he worked hard all week, he deserves to go out now and again”. But it was EVERY single weekend. After a couple months I asked him if we could do something as a family one weekend. He said sure whatever you would like to do. So I set up a plan for us to go to the zoo one weekend. All week long that’s all he talked about. Going to the zoo. But he went out Friday night didn’t come back till late and slept the entire day. I was disappointed. He told me to wake him up at a spacific time, I tried but he was truthfully hung over. So we didn’t go anywhere. But the disappointments kept coming. He didn’t want me to work, he used the excuse that he wanted me to stay home and take care of our son. But he didn’t take steps to allow me to do so. I mean he gave me an “allowance” of $30.00 a week. That was to buy groceries, the baby diapers, and wash clothes all week. I literally felt like a peasant. When he certainly made good money as a welder. He in fact made $25.00 an hour and almost ALWAYS had overtime. Yet here I am just trying to make this relationship work, when it never stood a snowballs chance in hell. But I can make it work. Or at least I think I can. I just need to do this or that better. I just need to let him be. Let him have fun and go out anytime he wants to. I never turned him down (romantically) I honestly thought THAT would keep him from cheating. Of course I was wrong. Because not only did he have narcissistic tendencies I believe he was a sex addict as well. Trust me that is a thing. That may one day be a topic for a blog.

So I’ll leave you with this fir now. Because time is getting away from me and I have so much to do. But as usual I will leave you with links to visit my shop. Come back tomorrow for part 3. 😁

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

✌❤

Empath And Narcissist Relationship Pt 1

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So this is going to be another short series.

What IS an empath? An empath is someone who feels more empathy than the average person. These people are usually more accurate in recognizing emotions by looking at another person’s face. They are also more likely to recognize emotions earlier than other people and rate those emotions as being more intense.

What IS a narcissist? A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance.Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors. It’s not always this cut and dry of an explanation or definition of a narcissist. There are many different types of narcissistic people. I have blogged about the various types. I didn’t go too deep into it because I am no psychologist. I can only speak on my personal experience and knowledge.

Empaths are highly prone to anxiety, and are likely to struggle with digestive issues. They are often sensitive to the needs of others, but may not feel reciprocated.

Empaths have this uncontrollable need to “fix” the “broken” person.

One may ask, are empaths born or are they “created”? Psychology is a tricky thing. I’ve said before I’m no psychologist, I’ve not studied specifically on psychology, but more so focused on myself and my personal experiences. That being said, I have always been fascinated with psychology. So of course I delved into reading a lot of “self help” books. In fact my dad was visiting once and he was an avid reader. He noticed my little collection of books. He of course looked through them, and he found a couple that interested him and barrowed them. Then it was as if we had our own little book club. (I miss him so much) ok I digress. So as I’ve said I’ve delved into self help books; I did this because I needed to find out about myself. I am the person who feels emotions very deeply. I thought I had a 6th sense, just needed to learn how to read it. I could always feel when something bad was about to happen. I would have this gut feeling. ( literally) I would feel anxious, my stomach would be turning flips, my digestive track would be completely out of whack.

I have blogged about being raised by a narcissistic parent. How growing up in that environment, kept me confused. I never understood why I was being yelled at. I didn’t know then what I know now. I understand NOW, WHY, I was and still am her target.

The thing is narcissist are drawn to empaths. Because we have this way of absorbing their feelings or emotions. Most people who are an empath USUALLY have suffered some sort of trauma at a very young age. Childhood neglect or abuse can affect your sensitivity levels as an adult. Trauma such as emotional or physical abuse, or they were raised by alcoholic, depressed, or narcissistic parents.

An empath usually stems from trauma at a very young age. Often empaths are thought of as an old soul. In my case my childhood trauma was the loss of my biological dad. I was so young, but wasn’t oblivious to what was really going on. I remember very well sitting on the couch being concerned with bills, who was going to pay them. I remember being alone to console myself. Now that I’m older, and what patches of memories I have from my childhood, I can see why I associate or identify as an empath. I love to see people happy, and if they have a type of negative energy around them, I tend to make it a point to change that energy to positive, or at least try.

This will do for today. It’s already noon and I have a busy schedule today. But please do come back. I am hoping something from my blogs help at least one person. Maybe something from reading this will resonte with them and they start to take steps to healing from whatever may be troubling them. Because the reality is, we cannot change who people are, but we can work on ourselves, and our responses to the people around us.

As usual please shop around in my store. I can do all of whats there, I also offer gift baskets, and many freshly baked desserts. However as far as the baked goods, I can only ship IN the state of Texas. But all other items I ship all over United States. So please if you find interest in anything just ask me what you would like to know.

✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Toxic Family

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It’s strange how sometimes we feel so frustrated, and during the feelngs of frustration we get the victim mentality. We thing of how someone has it better, or how others seem so happy ALL the time. We become envious of that; and think why can’t I be able to have what they have. We tend to think ourselves into a funk, or even to depression. We basically give up. But we’re still here living and breathing. I get like that from time to time. Y’all know I’m trying entrepreneur, not doing well, but I’m trying. I think I still need to find my niche. Any ways long story short, I was enlightened on some information this past weekend that really put some things in perspective. Dealing with toxic people in general is quite a task, but living with, and being raised by toxic (family) is even more difficult.

It’s difficult because these people are supposed to love you and guide you and help you spread your wings and fly and have a chance at life and the pursuit of happiness.

Instead, they take your joy, your ambition,your goals, and your spirit.

I have been trying to blog this all week. It’s just so many moving parts. But here goes.

About 18 years ago my dads daughter from a previous marriage was in a fatal car wreck. It just happened to be on Father’s Day, however his ex wife didn’t inform him until 2 months later. That’s not to say my dad didn’t call her in those two months. Billielin lived in Missouri and we all live in Texas. My dad would call and leave a message but he just figured she was busy. And thought they would eventually connect. Sadly he had no clue what had happened. Two months after the fatal crash. His ex wife some how obtained my phone number and called me. Now I had to contact my dad and my sister. Delivering the message was heart breaking.

Now Pat took custody of her daughters 3 children as they was still minors. Her oldest was 17, the middle child was 13, and her youngest was 10. The youngest is now 28, she contacted my sister to ask questions, and get some information. My sister is actually their aunt by blood. I was in complete shock and disbelief at the information my sister shared with me about her niece and nephews.

You see Pat disliked the youngest 2 childrens dad. She disliked him so much, she had told the youngest that he wasn’t her father. But that’s not even the worst part. Because of Billielin’s death the person who was at fault insurance paid $50,000 because of lost of life. Some how Pat got a hold of that payout and the children got not one red dime of that money. The children’s dad got wind of that and sued the insurance company. As sick as he was he fought to the day he died to right the wrong that the insurance did. He managed to win the battle, and just after his daughter turn 18 he passed away. Below is the article about the death of Billielin Cobb.

But there’s more. These children was in an environment no child should ever be exposed to. Pat and her brothers was cooking meth, and dealing. Now I don’t remember every detail. To be honest, I couldn’t get past the fact that those children was in that environment. However the oldest did join the military he’s since retired from the military and married doing well. As well as the other two they’re doing well.

Now when my sister read the messages they shared, I was in shock at some of the details. As I pondered on this, it really put a lot of how I was feeling into perspective. But to know they all 3 seem to be doing well makes me happy for them. Sometimes you have to walk through the storm to get to the calm.

So I have a new perspective and will continue to do my best to handle what ever comes at me. I will take it one day at a time, and be grateful for what’s positive in my life. I will certainly give less focus on negativity. So there’s that.

And here’s my links please take a look ask me anything if you’ve got an interest in something I have to offer. Thank you for your time ✌❤

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

https://purpleyoda.myctfo.com/

Covert

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Not openly acknowledged or displayed.

Even people without an extensive knowledge of mental health concerns have likely heard of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

“narcissist” is often used casually to refer to people who don’t necessarily have a diagnosis of narcissism if they appear to have some narcissistic traits, such as grandiose delusions, low empathy, arrogance, and a need for admiration.

Portrayals of characters with narcissism in movies and television have also increased the condition’s notoriety. While depicting characters with mental health issues in the media can help increase awareness, it can also create problems. In the case of narcissism, much of what’s seen in popular culture rests heavily on stereotypes associated with grandiose and malignant narcissism. If people with narcissism aren’t portrayed as outright villains, they’re typically portrayed as toxic or harmful individuals.

If you’ve had a close relationship with someone who has NPD, you might agree that many of these stereotyped traits have truth to them. Still, it’s important to recognize that NPD can occur in varying degrees of severity, occurs on a spectrum, and can present in different ways. As a result, you may not always recognize someone has narcissism, especially if they live with a less-known subtype such as covert (vulnerable) narcissism.

Covert narcissism is also known as shy, vulnerable, or closet narcissism.

Covert narcissism often involves a more internalized experience. People with these traits still feel unappreciated, need admiration, have contempt for those they consider inferior, and believe they should get special treatment. But instead of displaying outward grandiosity, they may privately fantasize about having their special qualities recognized or getting revenge on people they believe have slighted or wronged them in some way.

SIGNS OF COVERT NARCISSISM

Not every person with some or all of the listed traits will have any type of NPD, but the following characteristics may help identify covert narcissism in people who meet criteria for NPD.

  • A reserved or self-effacing attitude
  • Humility or a tendency to put themselves down
  • Smugness or quiet superiority
  • passive aggressive behavior
  • Envy of others and/or feeling that they deserve what other people have
  • A lack of empathy for the feelings or situations of other people
  • A tendency to step in and help others out of a desire for recognition

I chose to blog about the “covert” narcissist because this is the one I have personally dealt with. As a child growing up with a parent “on the spectrum” of narcissistic behavior I never knew what to expect yet knew what would happen. If that makes sense.

There’s a few memories that come to mind as I think back on my childhood. I remember it was my Granny’s birthday and mom made her a cake. Mom told me to carry the cake as we was heading out the door to take the cake to Granny. She told me NOT to drop it. What did I do? I dropped it.😶 THAT was a never ending chastise. She yells at me saying things like why did you drop it? I told you not to drop the cake. Now a quick fast forward my son was in the kitchen making himself a smoothie. ( he was trying a new recipe and was measuring everything per recipe request) he washed the measuring cup, then turned to dry it, but he dropped it in the process. I just happen to be there in the kitchen, I turned around saw the look of disappointed on his face, a kind of sadness because he dropped the measuring glass. A quick flashback of when I dropped something came to me, I looked at my son and asked are you ok? I knew he was barefoot so I said don’t move, I grabbed the broom and dust pan to sweep up the glass. As I was doing it he was beating himself up about dropping the measuring glass. I simply told him it’s just a measuring glass, no big deal. We can replace it. Accidents happen.

Because I know how it feels when you drop something and get yelled at for it, you already feel bad because of a mistake you made, theres no need to add fuel to the shame you already have.

There I go giving in depth explanations on things. I have realized that I tend to do that because of arguments with me trying to explain to mom about my feelings on anything. Or trying to have a productive conversation and find a happy medium in our disagreements. I would spin my wheels trying to get her to at least acknowledge my feelings or thoughts or ideas. I didn’t know THEN what I know now.

I think a part of the reason my mom has narcissistic tendencies is for one, she is the first born. BUT there was some miscarriages before my mom was born. Fortunately I have never had a miscarriage, but I imagine it’s devastating. So when you finally carry full term that baby is so important to you. Although my mom is the first of 6 children. However my mom suffered from asthma as a child growing up. Which leads me to lean towards WHY she has cover narcissistic tendencies. Back in the 40’s and 50’s medicine was no where near as advanced as it is today. Just as an example, when mom had a cholecystectomy they cut her from just under her chest down to the bottom of her stomach. Where as now it’s just 3 little incisions. That’s just one example of how medicne and medical practice has advanced. So back then asthma attacks were more dangerous and scary; and there is no doubt in my mind that when mom got sick with asthma the world according to Granny stopped until mom got through the asthma attack. There for creating the covert narcissist. I mean who doesn’t like being nurtured and cared for, being catered to your every need at the drop of a hat. As a child you enjoy the attention for sure. But unbeknownst to anyone it can create a sense of entitlement. Because that was normal as a child to be catered to. I don’t know if I can articulate this into words but I will do me best. However when a person is ill especially a child of course you as a parent will cater to the sick child. Of course that child will love and enjoy the attention. Now the child is better and things go back to normal. But said child is wanting attention so the child will feign an illness. Trust me if you have a child we all know the tricks of the trade. And I know how it seems like a reach, but understand the covert narcissist is the one who secretly enjoy admiration, they use manipulation, and self pity.

I am in no way saying that’s THE only recipe to the creation of narcissism. There is no direct correlation to any reasoning behind or how a person becomes or is a narcissist.

Ok that’s enough for today. But I leave you with these 2 videos. I thought they was pretty funny

https://simplegifts.gift/160f7f7f27b3a92f7b5431c28eb52878-mp4/
https://simplegifts.gift/b2cda8ed19771b349dd6a8af5668b20e-mp4/

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

✌❤

Narcissistic Parent, or Partner, relationship.

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I have already been fighting rather or not to post this. The title alone gives me anxiety. Because of the thought of being seen. I will push myself to do this blog.

To start with, you absolutely cannot have a mature open “safe” conversation with a narcissist. They hear EVERY word you say, but they never really listen to what you’re trying to convey. Let me give an example. Very early in our merging to all live together, my brother (one of the golden children) had a pretty heavy drinking problem. But before I go on, let me give kudos to him because he has settled down from the drinking and that deserves to be recognized. BUT we was living in apartments; those, like most apartments have rules about loud music and so on. Well I for one don’t like problems. But my brother when he’s drinking, like many others throw caution to the wind. So at one point when my brother slept off the nights liquor I asked him to please stop with the loud music because we will get evicted. His response was he could go live in his truck. So I asked what about mom, aaaaand she just had to interject, by saying ” I’m sorry I’m such a burden to you”

Of course that’s not at all what I was saying, but now the conversation has turned to being about mom, rather than the issue of my brothers drinking. (Gaslighting) Because NO ONE says ANYTHING to her golden child. So she redirects the conversation. And makes it about her.

There are a lot of moving parts when dealing with a narcissist person, but it gets pretty confusing with a parent who has narcissistic tendencies. Because with many of the articles I have came across the narcissistic person would never admit that THEY might be the problem.

There are times when I feel like I have to give in depth detail explaining something, because ( hindsight) I was purposely missunderstood. I realize that I tend to do that in my blogs. I get told that I don’t make any sense. I have been told I’m too sensitive. As long as I can be the butt of the “jokes” it’s all gravy.

There are several types of narcissistic people. So first of all some of the common traits of a narcissistic personality, is a person feels more important than others. They have an unreasonable sense of entitlement.

Overt Narcissist. An overt narcissist is proud of their ability to manipulate and control others.

Covert Narcissist. Covert narcissist are not as open or direct about their means of manipulation. They tend to use methods like, passive-aggressive, or guilt-tripping, or emotional manipulation. For example, a cocert narcissist may manipulate, by putting them down, and deprive them of their emotional needs.

Classic Narcissist. A classic narcissist thrive off of praise and administration of others. They crave being and value being the center of attention.

Vulnerable narcissist. Vulnerable narcissist seek attention by seeking pity from others. They will often guilt-trip the people in their lives to bend to what they want. Their ability to manipulate the thoughts, feelings and actions of others is an ego trip for them. Their behavior tends to be subtle, so it can be difficult to spot the signs. Vulnerable narcissists are considered to be covert narcissist. Their symptoms lie in their subtle manipulative behavior. Their sense of self-worth relies heavily on the attention they get from others. These are just a few of the many types of narcissistic people.

I of course am still learning about narcissism, and the many different types. Still learning and healing from a combination of these types of behavior.

To be honest, once you realize it was never YOU, and you now know what kind of a person you’re dealing with; you seriously need to take a step back, be objective, and decide your self worth, and make a decision rather or not YOU are ok with the way things are happening in that relationship. Because it’s easier to heal from narcissistic abuse IF your not exposed to it constantly. And yes it’s easier to do when it’s a romantic involvement than it is with a parental involvement. Believe you me, I ended up in a 15 year relationship with a narcissistic person. It took me a long time JUST to get the courage to leave, let alone cut all contact.

So I have said enough for now about toxic relationships. You all have a nice day.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

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Invading An Introvert

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Invading an introvert who ALWAYS has someone around them can be exhausting to said introvert.

I call myself an introvert, but I didn’t used to be that way. Yes I am a shy person. I’m quiet until I know you, until I get a read on the type of personality you have. I will then act according to your personality.

That being said, I used to think of myself as a fun person. I mean I didn’t act crazy, but I used to be fun to hang out with. But when you’re dealing with a narcissistic parent, who is CONSTANTLY watching your EVERY move, or attitude, if I show that I’m in a good mood I get ” what you so happy about?” So now I do my best to guard my feelings and emotions. Seems this person is most happy when I’m angry or depressed. Now the owner of this duplex we are living in wants to sell it.

We are three adults living in a 3 bdr 2 bth duplex. We basically have two house holds here. Some years back my mom came to live with my brother. They was doing fine. I was still raising my son at the time, so she decided to go live with my brother since he was single. Then my brother lost his job, and wasn’t able to get another one sooooooo they came to live with me and my son. It was to be just until they get on their feet again. But for some reason, my brother wasn’t able to hold a job for any length of time. Long story short its almost 15 years later and we are still together. Mostly because mom is getting up in her years and I don’t feel comfortable with her being alone. Now my brother is working and I am not. So I am staying home taking care of mom. I just pray my brother can hold this job.

So my title is about invading an introvert. So because the owner is putting this place on the market some people came by to take pictures. I hated that because this place is so small, it’s crowded. But it’s crowded with stuff that’s not even used, or broken; but they will not discard ANYTHING. I could make a list of how much stuff is here, that we don’t use. But I won’t😶 These folks are border line hoarders. My brother has 3 storages he’s been paying on for for almost 20 years. He keeps saying he’s going to do something with it. But I would think that after 20 years it’s time to move on. He has at least 2 SUV’s in a storage for why, I don’t know. I used to watch hoarders, but it got to the point you seen one you’ve seen them all, it’s just a matter of what items they’re hoarding. But in watching that fake reality show it was almost always the same psychological issue. And that was abandonment. That’s what made them hoard stuff. Now my brother and I lost our real dad to cancer when I was almost 4 yrs old, my brother was 7 yrs old. My brother says he has memories of dad. He remembers an old tire swing dad used to push us on, along with others. I on the other hand only remember seeing him lying on the floor. I knew he was dead.

I know people deal with traumatic situations in different ways. I really don’t know what my brother was thinking or feeling that day.

I can only speculate what mom was feeling. Now that I’m older, I understand things differently. As a child, I had no choice but to go with the flow so to say. But as I look back on so many events leading up to where I am now. I learned lessons in hindsight rather than in the moment.

One of my things I have been enlightened on is my mom. I love her dearly. But I believe she has narcissistic tendencies if not, a person with narcissistic personality disorder. So my mom has 3 children her oldest is a boy then there’s me 😁(I’m a girl) then nine and a half years later she had my sister with her second husband. But me, well if you let her (mom) tell it, I was her “rebel” child. I was her most challenging child. Which may be true. I did question many of her reasons for not allowing me to do things. Like spend the night over at friends, or cousins house. Why just about anything I wanted to do was ( no ) her only two ansers was ” because I said so, or because I’m your mother”

Being as I feel like I was, and still am her target. I have looked into this type of behavior and personality. Just about every article or book I read; the key take away was leave said narc. Cut off all ties. No contact with this person. That’s a task all in it’s own when you’re in a romantic relationship with a narc. (Been there done that) but not so easy as the child of the narc. Yes you grew up with the abuse of a parent who is a narc. The, never ending battles. And YES they are never ending because anything at anytime you say or do the narc has a memory of said (assault) and will remind you of it ONLY to fuel the fire of a nonsensical argument. JUST to make said narc happy; because now you are upset, angry, or frustrated and THAT’S just what the narc wanted. BUT because this person is your parent you love them. Yes it is a toxic love, it is a toxic parent child relationship. But growing up with another “parent” who was the step dad and a man of faith. He was consistent in everything he said or did. I was taught to honor thy mother and thy father. I wanted to be the good girl soooo I did as my dad told me. I respected my parents as best I could. But I wanted to learn things, understand why the answer was always no. But according to mom I was not honoring her. Because many times when I questioned her reasons it turned into an argument, and the classic ” honor thy mother and father” would get tossed in the mix. Now comes the guilt for questioning the parent.

I think that every child can’t WAIT to grow up. Have their own place and be able to make their own rules in their home. I know I couldn’t wait. But and here comes a hindsight lesson. I wanted to get away from home so bad, I basically made a bad decision and ended up with a narcissistic “boyfriend”. The thing is we tend to migrate to what is familiar to us ( meaning abuse) just in a different form. I know some people think it’s crazy; but there are so many moving parts to this abusive situation that if you’ve not experienced it, or researched ( so to say) most of this will be incomprehensible. ( unless you’re a psychiatrist of some sort)

But that’s a blog for another day. So I was invaded so to say today. Not really because we had made an appointment to have these photos taken so the owner can put it on the market. But due to rain we had to reschedule. We did and TODAY was the day. Now I’m at the table working on my sewing machine. She was fussing about how the house looked nasty. ( it didn’t) it’s just small and cluttered. But that hit a nerve on me. Because when I do reorganize all this stuff, she sees that I did, and she will study the shelves, looking for SOMETHING to ask where it is. Mind you it’s not been used since it was bought years ago, BUT she wants to know where it is.😶 AND it has to be within arms reach. But when she said it ( the house looks nasty) the people for the photos knocked on the door, and instead of addressing mom on the issue, the lady and gentleman received my wrath. I hastily opened the door and said come on in and see our filthy home. I was so upset because of what was said that I took it out on the wrong people, and now I feel bad.

I did a blog on introverts, extroverts and ambiverts. I posed the question asking if people are born to be one of the three, or can they grow into or out of the three. I’m not even sure I am an introvert; but starting to think I have guarded my emotions for so long that fear, anger and or frustration are the only ones that can seep through. If I show excitement, or a sense of feeling happy, I have to explain why I’m in a good mood. Good gawd do you NEED a reason to feel happy, or excited? Most times I try to be accommodating to people, but if I do that in front of mom as soon as those people leave, she lays in on me for something I said, or did. She takes great pleasure in belittling me.

Ok I have vented enough for today. ✌❤

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I Hurt When I Look at You: A Poem About Mother and Daughter

It hurts when I look at you

You chin raised so high

So full of self-virtue

You don’t hear my cry

Your eyes full of judgement

As you survey around

Your lips spill your disappointment

As my confidence you pound

Your words so critical

Delivered with a smile

Your opinion of me brutal

Your own child you revile

For years I have tried

To earn more than your love

Needing your friendship, respect and pride

And receiving none of the above

Locked together by blood

Our family ties tight

What should be ours sacred

Has been killed by the never-ending fight

So please believe me when I say

That our time has reached its end

I never meant for it to be this way

But my life I’m no longer willing to defend

I miss what we could have had

But it was only a dream

I like my life good or bad

And no longer look to gain your esteem

It hurts when you look at me

Wanting to be close

And knowing we never will be

Not mother and daughter… now only foes

Here’s another poem I came across. The writer touched on every aspect of having a narcissistic parent.

When you don’t understand, or don’t know what narcissism is, you will forever spin your wheels trying to appease a narcissistic person. It’s difficult for a child to even comprehend what is going on. Not to mention that it is so very damaging to a child growing up in that environment. That child will grow up confused. To say the least.

I have JUST recently delved into reading and researching about Narcissistic personality disorder. Let me just say it is rather complicated. Because first and foremost a narcissistic person would NEVER admit there might be a problem with them. No no no! It will ALWAYS be the other persons fault.

As far as reading up on this subject. I have learned a few tricks. I have responded differently towards this person. Which has helped with having fewer full blown arguments. Because bottom line is you will NEVER win an argument (debate) with a narcissistic person. That is their passion to argue. They love to argue so they can say mean hurtful things to belittle you, and discard you. ( for the time being) Then they shower you with love JUST enough for you to let your guard down. ALL the while filling away all your responses and trigger points back into their memory bank, ONLY to use it against you in the next attack.

Having that happen to you as a child really wreaks havoc on the mind. But that’s another topic.

In my reading and learning on narcissism, I have noticed that most of my reading ALWAYS says to leave that person. Cut all ties with said person. Don’t answer phone calls, texts, or email. Even if said person sends you a card or letter through tge mail simply write return to sender. DO NOT open. And yes that’s what you do if your leaving a narcissistic partner. But it’s not that easy if you have a narcissistic parent. That parent will get older and need your help. My conscious will not allow me to abandoned her. She drives my absolutely batty at times. But she is my mom and I love her.

I know this is part of my problem. I can fix what ever is wrong. I think that’s a part of being raised by a narcissistic parent. We are constantly seeking validation from that parent. We or at least I did, became obsessed with getting a genuine complement. Some sort of validation from her. That’s enough for today. Whew this was not an easy thing to do.

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https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

✌❤

My Personal Struggle With Obesity Day 4

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I was going to get up early have my coffee, then……

So yesterday was wasted. My son was telling me he wanted BBQ beef baked potato when he comes over this weekend. So I planned on getting up early, have my coffee, then take my walk and got to the store and get all the stuff needed for this bbq beef tater.

I told mom that I was going to the store tomorrow (meaning yesterday Friday) she said she needed to go to the bank. Well because of THAT I changed my plan for walking. Now usually she’s ready to go out and about by 10:30 But yesterday I guess she needed to watch her soaps. Apparently there was someone who was about to be exposed for their cheating, or their lies, or maybe the wife was about to catch her husband red handed cheating, or vice versa, anything is possible on those crap shows. Now once those start she’s in them form 11:00 to 1:00. Now, while I’m waiting for her to get ready to go I made a couple Tree Of Life hoops. They’re small but cute.

Tree of life

I want to make bigger ones, but I can’t find bigger hoops. But I digress. 😶

So her soaps are over, I hear her come out of her room, I’m thinking she’s ready, but NOOO she started a load of wash 😱 seriously? Ok now I’m thinking she’s going to get dressed. Now it’s 2:00 p.m. Now just so you know, I hadn’t eaten all this time, because I was planning on having a healthy lunch and a small light dinner. But NOW it’s 2:00 p.m. and no sign of rather she’s ready to go to the store. Now I did remind her in the morning that I was STILL planning on going to the store, and asked did she still want to go with. She responds with ” yes I still need to go to the bank”

The thing is, the other day when I told her I was going to take a walk, she asked me where was I going to walk. I told her the park that about a block or two away. Sge said I wish I could walk with you, but I can’t. I agreed and said yeah it would be nice, but you get tired just walking in the stores, there’s no way you could walk on the terrain at the park. THEN we have this frustrating discussion about I don’t want her tagging along. Now of course if I’m going to take a walk for the sake of a workout NO! I really don’t want you tagging along because I’m not taking a stroll through the park. I’m walking with intent to increase my heart rate, so I WILL be walking fast. At least in my mind I will be walking fast. I completely understand she is up in her years, when we do go lut and about together I stay right with her. I stand behind her as she gets into her car. I go into the stores looking for a scoiter to bring to her. I am her personal taxi. But apparently when I try to have “me” time, I don’t want her around, or tagging along 😶 But then again this is coming from a person who DOES NOT LIKE BEING ALONE. Where as for me……I CHERISH my solitude. Cleary we are complete opposite. 😂

Now she knows me. She knows I avoid crowds as much as I can. I ALWAYS try to get to the stores before the masses.

So now I’m frustrated and I go to her room and ask did she want to go to the bank at anytime BEFORE they close. Her response😶 ALMOST sent me over the edge. BUT first, because she’s my mom I held back. Her response was…… “I’m waiting on you.” 😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

Now a little background info. My wonderful mom way back in the 80’s had her gall bladder removed due to having gall stones. Now every since then, her digestive track is unpredictable. Sometimes, right after she has her breakfast she has to (take care of business) other times it take hours for said event. So I had told her we’ll wait until you (handle you business) AND that’s why I almost lost it. Because I’m not going to go and ask her has she done the deed because I don’t want her to feel pressured. She KNOWS that about me. I certainly wouldn’t want someone asking me all morning if I’ve…….. Knowing I’m the hold up until….

So I took a deep breath and said I was waiting for you to handle your business without putting pressure on you.

So finally 2:30 p.m we’re going to the store. And to top it off…..there’s no small trimmed brisket for the pulled beef. 😶 so I decided I would try another store. But mom is pickling up stuff here and there, asking me do we need this, that and the other. Then she says what are you going to do about the brisket? I told her I was going to go to Walmart. So we finished up at Krogers and went to Walmart, they didn’t have it there, so I decided to go to the super Walmart still no luck. So we made it back home. No sweet potatoes and no pulled beef.

NOW today Saturday my son wants me to try today and find it, but he don’t leave until 11:00 for work AND the fact that it’s Saturday means ALL the stores are going to be crowded. THEN if I’m lucky enough to find one, it’s going to take a few hours to cook. I may not get back till God knows when.

So I’ve decided weekends will be no walking, but ONLY Saturdays will be my “free” day as far as diets and workouts go.

Ok that’s my blog (vent) for todays blog 😁 as always here’s links to my little shop.

https://simplegiftshere.company.site/

https://kolejax.com/?ref=qnwfpdlfis30

✌❤